Life Lately • May 2020

We are at the end of the month of May. Right! It is time for a monthly life lately!

This month was special and again tougher than the previous months since the beginning of the Coronavirus lockdown. From lockdown to first phase of reopening. In France, the month of May has been a middle between the lockdown and first phase of reopening of the country because it’s on May 11, that this first phase has started.

If for a lot of peoples this first phase has been a beginning of the freedom because we are able to go out without signed authorization and until 100km from the house now. For me, it’s not have been. I’m always lockdown in my head like during the lockdown of the country and even before this. Because of my flashbacks and anxiety. Nothing could probably change in the next weeks and months. But a simple thing that I ask is to could have access to my therapeutic tools. Can I just have this? To have a few days of break. Life was rough already before all the things related to the Coronavirus, I have just find therapeutic tools who can calm my mind a bit during few days. Now, I haven’t of therapeutic tools. And that since two and a half months. How am I supposed to live that with my C-PTSD. Each day is a bit harder, I seriously don’t know when it could stops.

I try to occupy me. Right! I try mostly to occupy my mind to try to fight my flashbacks who are more powerful each day by doing different at home projects. Of the fact that I can’t go at Disneyland Paris, I decided to do a photo book on the two trips that I have done this year already in February and March. I spend time to editing videos and learning more in Adobe Premier Pro.

My food relationship is always bad. I eat nothing at lunch since more than one month now. I eat every dinner Alfredo pasta. It is really hard with the current situation. I tried to motivate me, I have even bought my first Mickey Shaped plate but all stay hard. Pasta are really my only food. This month, I tried Rice with smoked salmon. I pretty loved it. This is a success! I also baked twice in one week Nutella stuffed sugar cinnamon muffins. I loved! With the summer kind of weather some days, I started to make back some smoothies (after to have stopped all fall and winter) but nothing of big. The most productive thing that I have done last week, I have done three different kinds of milkshake in the same week. Because I eat the same Nutella Milkshake since two months in the row. I have done this Nutella milkshake but I tried an Oreo milkshake and Strawberry milkshake also.

But seriously! The most therapeutic thing that I can to do is building a blanket fort with my cozy blankets or close my shutter to have be in the dark and take a trip line in my camera roll on my Disneyland Paris videos or watching Disneyland Paris Watch Parties. Can I do that all day? But my mom doesn’t accept when I do that. I’m down.

Last week, all week the rain was back but a lot of days, the sun and hot weather was here. I try in maximum to spent time sit down outside in the backyard. Doing nothing or this week, I started to use Audible because I had the want to listening Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone. I bought me a new coloring book. And tuesday, I took outdoor photos for the first time since my last trip to Disneyland Paris in the beginning of March with my DSLR and I shooted my cat in the backyard. I remember now how I love to use a real camera outside and not only my iPhone to take photos. I thought since a few weeks but in the next weeks, I’m looking to upgrade my camera possession and add one, currently I have one DSLR with one zoom lens that I love so much but I want to bought me a second camera for different photography needs that I noticed during this quarantine with my camera troubles that I got during my Disneyland Paris trips these last months.

That’s wrap this life lately? Thanks for reading!




French girl, photographer, disneyland lover, lifestyle blogger with complex ptsd.

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