Often called the happiest place on the world or a place where you can forget all your problems. It’s makes me angry particularly when peoples call it like the place where you can forget all your problems. Because that’s not my case. I’m not going at Disneyland Paris frequently to forget my problems because believe me when you have C-PTSD and depression or again social anxiety, going at Disneyland Paris doesn’t makes me forget all these troubles.
IT’S NOT A PLACE TO FORGET, IT’S A PLACE TO LEARN
I shared it in the travel diary of my September trip that this month one year ago marked something of special because it’s in September last year that I started to consider Disneyland Paris like a therapy place and where I was back going every month except January until the lockdown. I can’t believe that it’s one year ago that I have done my first overnights solo trip at Disneyland Paris and I can’t believe that I was back so many times. Me who was all the time lay down in my bed depressed and wanted to go anywhere, I found Disneyland Paris and I have learning so much things in only one year and despite the current difficult times.
I forget nothing of my problems when I’m at Disneyland Paris, be at Disneyland Paris makes me reduce my flashbacks but I do not forget them, I can’t, something can always makes them pop up and until now with the current difficult situation my trips are less therapeutic than before the lockdown on this way, I have a lot of flashbacks even at Disneyland Paris. It’s pretty hard and a challenge!
Going at Disneyland Paris, I learned so much about myself, before I had no want in life, I haven’t really of identity, I was lost in this world in depression with my mental health without know what to do and without to have something to want to do. Each trip, after each trip that I discovered and experimented in solo Disneyland Paris, I have learned new things and progressed on some things. But right now, the hardest part of the current situation, like my trips are less therapeutic on my flashbacks and I felt like all my progress from my trips before the lockdown were lost. Despite this feeling, I just learned that the current situation is hard in the park without parades and shows but I realized some dreams that I got before the lockdown but not was able to realized them in the park situation before the lockdown. I wish that the parades and shows are back fast but in waiting I realized some dreams like even. In this hard situation, and after months to fall in depression a little more each day, I finally switched to a bit of positive in my mind. Halloween and Christmas seasons could be different that I have experimented them last year, but now I’m excited and anxious too to see how it could be even if it’s without real big parades and shows, I have a few hopes to see some things that Disneyland Paris could do and who could match with the current safety measures, to see. But if a few weeks ago, I was afraid that Halloween and Christmas seasons could be totally different, I’m less now and I’m excited to see and at the occasion I’m excited to experiment the seasons differently. Ok! To be honest in the hard days where I miss so much the parades, I haven’t all the time this mindset but I have it some times and I think to be able to have it and working on it, it’s my biggest progress since March.
I will not writing every things that I learned since these trips at Disneyland Paris, (I did it in email to my psychiatrist during the lockdown, the email was so long) they are so much, there is some little, some big, a few months ago I already shared on a few things how Disneyland Paris improved my mental health here. In a small recap, my biggest things are learn to working to try manage differently my C-PTSD, learn to feel myself better in a social world with my social anxiety and currently learn to increase slowly my self-confidence who was at the level zero, continuing constantly by launching myself in new projects. I learned so much about myself and about my passion of photography and making videos, it’s another side again and there is many other sides.
Right! It’s makes me really angry and mad when I saw a Disney Instagrammer sharing a photo with like caption, I wish to be at Disneyland for forget my problems and the world around me. Going at Disneyland it’s not a place to forget my problems, when I saw all the things that I learned during my trips at Disneyland Paris, the hardest part during the closure of the park was do not could to go back to learn new things and make new progress. Apparently now, they are different than before the lockdown a bit and harder to make, but I try to going back slowly and keep the mindset that it’s a gentle back after so much months when my mental health getting worse each day since the lockdown and like the situation is not the same than before the lockdown and we are always in the middle of a pandemic. I try to keep slowly and I feel at the occasion that I could manage better after each trip even if my favorite things without not back again.
I wish so much for them. But I’m currently in the hard work process to enjoy the dreams that I got before the lockdown who were a little hidden in myself because before I could not realized them and the situation permits me to work on them now. Looking for me in the next months?! I could be working on this and I hope that other dreams who are hidden in myself who could come out, see them and realizing them. In the two coming seasons. Thanks for stopping by!