2019 Thoughts + 2020 Goals

I don’t know exactly how I feel to be go into a new year! I’m always more anxious in the beginning of the year! 2019 has been a very hard year since my two grandmas are passed away at a month apart this summer. Since, I have again much more anxiety about life! But! I was also impressive with some good during the year, as my monthly trips at Disneyland Paris these past months. I absolutely loved these monthly adventures! In 2019, I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD also, it’s explained more of my feelings as my flashbacks but I haven’t found again a very helpful tool in my daily life and the daily life is hard. Although, above I talked that the beginning of the year is more anxious for me because it’s a period when my flashbacks are again more powerful than usually. We have moved to the new house in the beginning of 2019, even if I feel not very bad about, it’s not always easy.

In 2019, I have written these goals for the year. Stop ask me questions. Drink smoothies. Keep fighting my anxiety. Growing Up my adventurous mind. Take care of me. Less obligations. Work on my creativity. Read Harry Potter books collection. I’m rather proud because I have managed a big part of them.

If, I was not able to stop ask me questions about life or take care really of me because of my anxiety and flashbacks plus my grandmas who are passed away in the mid-year. I have read all the Harry Potter books collection, a thing who did not win in the first time because before I was not able to read more than two phrases because of my memory troubles, I have done it. I wanted to try drink more smoothies, if currently I do not drink them anymore because I’m in a hot cocoa mood, during the spring/summer, I drunk a lot and tried a lot of news also from smoothies to smoothies bowls, I talked more here, I have done it also. I worked a lot on my creativity and I started art therapy who can help me with my flashbacks, I talked about here. The last and the goal that I had the more in the heart all long year, growing up my adventurous mind. In 2018, I started some adventures with solo trips and a few other things, in 2019 I wanted to continue and I think I rather have done it good. I traveled in solo to Paris in April (in an of the city who anxious me the more, it was an all new challenge), I continued to adventure the ski slopes for my second year of ski and progressed a lot on my ski practice and parallel turns. And after my first overnights solo trip at Disneyland Paris in September, I launched me the goal to take a new adventure again and travel every month until the end of the year at Disneyland Paris and I have done it! I loved it!

If some goals, I was not able to achieve them because of my C-PTSD, I achieved another big part of my goals. It was a very hard year but I had some good and best things also. And it’s amazing that I’m able to think that because since my grandmas are passed away, I ask me a lot of questions about life and I was not able to stay positive anymore.

I haven’t again recovery of my grandmas passing away and I just realized that the first is passed away almost six months ago, I have started to take Sertraline because I have new anxiety who is coming after this event and I feel always bad. Some days, I ask me if I will recovery so much I feel bad, I think I will take again a long time to recovery of these events, more than I have my C-PTSD next to recovery also. This situation rhythm my every day and it’s hard but I could take the time that I need to recover from these events.


Well! Now, it’s a look on my goals for 2020. I have less of goals that in 2019 but all have a special place in my heart. I’m really passionate by these goals.

Develop more my photography & filmmaker activity. I love to take photos & filming, I realized it again more since my every month trip at Disneyland Paris. I was going there also to do some photos and filming videos. I stopped the numbers of photos that I took over the trips and videos that I filmed and edited back home. You can find them on my Youtube channel here, I have literally done videos at each season and trips. I just love spend time to take photos and videos in the parks. Take photos & filming is a very favorite activity and at this time I do not win any money for this, I love to do it so I do it. This year, I want to develop this activity, to do it my job that I could win money from it.

To do more what I love. It’s a global thing. If I love to ski, I invest myself inside and do it, if I love to go at Disneyland Paris go it. I want to do more about what I love. Really, since my grandmas are passed away, I have a really hard time to find things that I love. Skiing and going at Disneyland Paris are my two biggest and only things, they help me in my mental health also. But if during my recovery I find in more new other things that I can love to do it, I must invest me in more. Some big things like travel or some simple things like watching a tv show. To do more what I love. Also for my blog & Instagram, I decided to reduce my content but write blog posts that I love to do and posting Instagram photos that I love to do. It’s something that I love to do so I could be regular on the two sides but you have maybe already noticed that these last weeks, I haven’t written every day every week blog posts, the first reason is because I feel bad mentally but I decided that I love more this rhythm, not to post only to have content but to do blog posts because I love to spend time to do them.

Passing my driving theory. I work on my driving theory since more than one year, I wanted to pass it in 2019 but I haven’t managed because of my concentration and memory troubles. I have some hard times remembering all the things need for driving so I let aside at this moment but this year I really wanted to try to pass it.

Watching Disney movies. I go often at Disneyland Paris but I have never watched Disney movies! True story! The only movies that I watched when I was little it’s The Aristocats and The 101 Dalmentians. I bought me a beautiful book to start reading and know a few Disney stories. I’m a bit excited when Disney Plus will coming in France at the end of March 2020, I think I will take an abonnement because I saw that they could to have a lot of movies, I could discover them. Now, you know I love going at Disneyland Paris but I have never watched Disney movies awhile it’s really because I love the place of Disneyland that I love to go and not because of the Disney heroes/movies. Side note. My favorite Disney characters are only Mickey Mousse, Pluto and Chip & Dale.


Well! What are your goals for this year? Thanks for reading!




French girl, photographer, disneyland lover, lifestyle blogger with complex ptsd.

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