MENTAL HEALTH

LIVING WITH C-PTSD

2021 Review & 2022 Goals

Well! 2021 has been a very difficult year. I started a brand new healing journey. If I will choose one word for 2021 it’s, self-awareness. I started this new work on my healing journey at the very end of 2020 during one lockdown. But in 2021 during some Covid lockdowns or not, this work of got new self-awareness has literally increased daily. This self-awareness work about my past has been hard and after be one year in it. I realized in the last weeks of December that it was because of this new work that I’m in a mental breakdown since one year and deal with daily insomnia since this same time. This year, I got self-awareness about every kind of things about my past traumas and childhood. It’s crazy, hard, exhausting but a bit of amazing also. At the end of the year, after to have started back the ski, I have even hits to realize that trauma is not only in the mind but in the body also. I growth so much this year! I finished the year during one moving also. Mid-December I moved, it’s totally chaotic to move and again more during the Christmas season. It’s about three weeks and I haven’t always of wifi connection. This moving is hard for different reasons but maybe a new tool on my healing journey. This is the first time of my life that I moved from one house to one apartment. It’s weird and difficult when you lived a big part of your life in one house. But I realize maybe it’s not that bad. What is important is not the larger of your home but to feel safe with things who spark you joy and who make you feel safe. But it’s a big change. In 2021, I started a new way to set these kind of goals that everyone wants to set at the beginning of a new year. Instead to set specific in details goals. I chosen to set some themes of categories that I could want to work on it during the year. These themes goals were: SOFTNESS – MINDFULNESS – MENTAL HEALTH. I pretty proud to report that I have very good worked on these goals. Softness. I started to use more softness towards myself, I started to practice daily self-compassion. My work on this side is very long to be again totally accomplished, most of the time it’s too hard to use self-compassion or even impossible. And during my current self-awareness journey, I learn and realize slowly the reasons why it’s so hard to use self-compassion. But I have started a good work. Mindfulness. From daily practice at home to even practice meditation during my Disneyland Paris trips, mindfulness activity has been a big part of my year. It’s not always easy. But when I manage to work on mindfulness moments it’s amazing. From simple breathing exercises lay down in bed, guided meditation sessions to notice be mindfulness here during watching one show to Disneyland Paris. I love it! Mental Health. Ok! I don’t really remember what I wanted to do about my mental health when I chosen this, but I can tell that all the self-awareness that I have done this year leads me to understand better the impact of my childhood on my mental health of today. In 2021, I set a various of different challenges. A Weekly Photography Challenge. That I haven’t managed pretty good. In the first two months of the year, it was ok. But follow a weekly photography challenge was too complicated with my mental breakdown and the healing work that I was doing aside. I finally chosen to let and haven’t continued this challenge, it’s for this reason that I haven’t anymore shared like in the beginning of the year, this challenge on the blog. A Monthly Box. I chosen to create one monthly box with one book and a few beauty products. This box was in the goal to read more and try a few new beauty products each month. I managed with success until April this box. After because of my healing journey I haven’t been able to continue follow this box. But! I have like even realized one goal of the origin of this box, read more. But the books that I started to read after April was more related C-PTSD and healing journey. Aside because of my mental breakdown I have lost the interest to test new beauty products. Right! I continued to read without doing these monthly box. That’s one mid-success. A Monthly Hygge Challenge. Oh! Hygge is a big part on my healing journey. The idea of this Monthly Hygge Challenge was amazing. But a bit complicated to follow depending some months and in function of my mental health and my mind change with my growth. I have done this challenge and I loved it but some months I missed to work on it because the things don’t corresponded really to the current healing work that I was doing these months and it was potentially too much triggers. But it was a good challenge! During one lockdown early this year, I took the time to write 10 Things that I could love to do before the end of the year. It was to occupy me during the lockdown and trying to keep hope that things could open again. I’m amazed today how much I have managed to realize many of these things. I ride one hot-air balloon. It was to Disneyland Paris during the week of the reopening on June. It was my first time, it was amazing, I loved it. I sleep in Disney Hotels in solo for my first time. It was one dream and goal that I got during the parks closures and it’s so amazing. I can’t believe it. I stayed at the Disney’s Hotel Newport Bay Club, at the Disney’s Hotel New York – The Art Of Marvel and at the Disney’s Hotel

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Disneyland Paris Diary • December 2021

A few days before Christmas I headed to Disneyland Paris for a very special trip. My birthday trip! I’m arrived in the evening of December 19, this night I headed to discover for the first time the recently reopened Disney’s Hotel Sequoia Lodge, I stopped by the bar to drink a hot cocoa in a very mountains and cozy Christmas atmosphere and I spent a bit of time in Disney Village and I went check-in my hotel. I stayed at the Magic Circus Hotel. This is a hotel that I pretty love and I haven’t stayed here since before the pandemic. On December 20, it’s my birthday and I headed to the parks. I spent the day to rediscover the Castle totally unboxed and refurbished for the first time. The work done is incredible. The Castle is shining! I spent my birthday to watch the Christmas parade by day and night. I watched Let’s Sing Christmas show, I headed to the Walt Disney Studios Park to watch Disney Dream Factory show also. And in the early night, I went back to the hotel to rest. Because the next day was one VERY SPECIAL day and the BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT. On December 21, at 10h00pm, the night firework show – Disney Illuminations was back for the first time since March 2020. It was so emotional! It was such a hard day because of my current mental breakdown but an amazing also. To be able to make it until so late in the night, I spent the day to relax in the hotel room where I watched a beautiful sunrise, listening Christmas calm music and just relaxing. It was the best thing for my nervous system. I headed to the park around 05h00pm with a beautiful sunset. I watched the Christmas night time parade and followed by Disney Illuminations. It was not a long day in the park but such a big day. It was a special day. The next day was my last day. A frozen temperatures Christmas day. I spent some time in the parks and watched some shows before heading to take my TGV back home in early evening. It was such a crazy trip! It was the first time that I spent my birthday at Disneyland Paris and it was the first time that I’m doing something big for my birthday. Rediscover the Castle totally unboxed and watching Disney Illuminations who is back were my favorite things and the best birthday gifts of my life. Without forget watching again the Christmas parade. On this trip, I spent a lot of time to work on my healing journey, it’s what made the trip harder and crazier. I have done a lot of healing work, it’s such difficult and amazing in the same time. That wraps this birthday-Christmas trip to Disneyland Paris. Thanks for stopping by!

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First Ski Day Of The Season

On Friday, I went on the first ski day of the season in the ski resort near my house. It was equally the first ski day with ski lifts open for the first time in 22 months. To remember, ski lifts in France stay closed all the season last Winter by the French Government because of the Covid. It was such hard! The feeling to go back on the slopes for the first time in 22 months was indescribable. It was amazing! The snow conditions were absolutely the dream. We got a lot of fresh snow, trees covered by snow, I got a beautiful sunset at the end of the day. I have a hard to time to chose the words to describe this feeling who was incredible and amazing. Of the fact of my current mental breakdown, I was excited but also anxious to come back on the slopes because of how I could feel on the mental side. It was such a surprise. This is the first time since March 2020 that I was able to feel so good mentally during skiing. This session got also a lot of therapy effect on my healing journey after it and since I started some new works on my healing from Complex PTSD. Wrap the post of this day with a few photos. Thanks for stopping by!

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Disneyland Paris Diary • November 2021

I was back at Disneyland Paris to discover the Christmas season. The FIRST Christmas season in TWO YEARS! Ok! Let’s trying to find the words! Wahoo! Let’s starting by the BEST and MOST exciting thing, the parades and shows are back in the parks. My FAVORITES things in the parks. It’s amazing! For this Christmas season we got a brand new Christmas parade, named Mickey’s Dazzling Christmas Parade and is riding the parade route by day and by night, during my trip I got one representation in early afternoon and the second in the early evening at night. The floats illuminated at night are such beautiful and the day and night version are two different experiences. The more of this parade is that it is doing two stop shows, one on Central Plaza and the second on Town Square, and the stop show on Town Square during the nighttime version is doing the Christmas tree illumination also with Mickey and his friends and the Santa Claus. The parade is new and got a few technical troubles, the stops shows were canceled a few days including my two first days but I got the surprise that it was back on the two second days. It’s reduced a bit the experiences but the parades were always riding the parade route without stop shows on my two first days and it was the most HAPPY thing after be without parades since March 2020. I thought it’s could be anxious me, but I finally managed mentally pretty good to be in parades crowds for the first time. Seeing the Christmas decors by day and Christmas lights by night on Main Street USA was amazing. My eyes and nervous system were… wahoo and shocked! It’s so awesome! The beautiful surprise of this trip also was to discover the Castle totally unboxed in the front, and even illuminated at night. She is so stunning! The refurbishment is not totally finished and we have a few tarps at the back again, but most of the Castle is back. And it’s totally amazing to have back the icon of the park. Let’s Sing Christmas, Frozen: A Musical Invitation, Dream Factory, A Funny Snowy Winter, The Lion King and Rhythms Of The Pride Lands and the parades, I stopped counting how many shows I have done. And I have done only five rides this trip. It’s such so good to find back these kind of parks days full of parades and shows for the first time since March 2020. I was slown down during this trip, I skipped Extra Magic Time to be able to do it until past 06h00 pm for the night version parade. It was something that I worked hard but I didn’t know if I could managed to get until the night in the parks because of my current mental breakdown. In previous trips, I tried but I have never success to get until the night because I’m tired and my vision get blurry. But I have done it, and my vision was clear. I’m always shocked to have managed to do it. I can’t believe it! It’s crazy to me! During this trip, I’m stayed at the Disney’s Hotel Santa Fe, this was my first time and it was one Disney hotel that I wanted to explore. Everything is in the Cars themed and I pretty loved but it’s not my favorite Disney hotel. I was at the parks for Mickey and Minnie’s birthday, we got a special cavalcade on the parade route. And it was just such emotional to have the parks open this year for this special birthday. Let’s sharing a few photos! I can’t really express words about this trip. It’s so many emotional things! I have equally worked hard on the shame emotion during this trip. All that is crazy and beautiful! Right! That wraps this trip post!

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Disneyland Paris Diary • October 2021

Recently, I was back to Disneyland Paris for the Halloween season trip. And what a trip! What a big emotional trip! There is so much things that I don’t know by what starting. After weeks and months of despair on the situation because Disneyland Paris didn’t got the authorizations of the French Government. It’s finally back. It’s official! The parades and shows are back in the parks after be stopped since March 2020. Disneyland Paris has announced the back of the parade for the Christmas season with a brand new parade. The firework night show is back in December after the end of the Castle refurbishment also. Disney Stars On Parade is back on January 10, 2022 after the end of the Christmas season. I don’t think it’s back during the Christmas season because the new Christmas parade could be played by day and night. These announcements on the first day of my trip. It was so emotional. I can’t believe it again, it was so hopeless a few days ago again. Following these announcements, the social distances has disappeared in the parks also overnight during my trip. It was such emotional. Disneyland Paris has started to remove the social distances stickers everywhere in the parks and it feels like a big change. These are some big emotional moments. The park has again increased capacity equally and has announcement during these weeks that the park is at the full of capacity. This is the first time since the reopening that the park is full in all the categories of tickets. During my trip, I definitely feel like crowds like before Covid. There is some peoples everywhere. I’m so happy about that. But I will don’t hide that the disappear of social distances in the parks with a park full like before Covid is sometimes a bit hard. Social distances was a habit since one and a half year and time could be needed to feel good again all day in the crowds. I’m feel it’s ok about that. All that is so emotional and amazing! A lot more of shows again is back and seeing live back in the parks is so beautiful, even just seeing live on the app with things written in the parades and shows categories and with hours is amazing. It has been a different trip also because I traveled not solo the all the time as always but with my family. It was such complicated and I don’t want to go into the details. Since a long time my family wanted to go back to Disneyland Paris and here it was. They stayed not all the trip. They were there three days on the five of the trip. I spent the two last days in solo. And what a big surprise by myself! I chosen to stay my solo night in the new Disneyland Paris hotel, the Disney’s New York – The Art Of Marvel. Wahoo! What a hotel! The comfort in the room, the details are everywhere. It’s an amazing hotel! Well! If not with Halloween season in the parks who is not my favorite season and my mental breakdown who hits many times during the trip because I planned longer parks days that I currently able to do. It was not the best trip! But seeing the parks starting to live again and seeing a bunch of peoples inside it were the highlight of my trip. It’s such amazing! Always about Covid change, at the beginning of the Halloween season, the Drawing Academy at the Walt Disney Studios park has reopened for the first time since March 2020. I took a drawing class for the very first time. And another big change is the performers of the Disney Dream Factory show doesn’t wear masks anymore during making the show. It’s so emotional seeing all these change. On another point, the Castle starts more and more to be unboxing and that’s a really exciting thing. It looks so beautiful! Fall is not really one season that I love. But I really loved to discover Fall parks landscapes colors. This is the first time that I see Fall colors really through the resort because usually I went early October and it was not really again ready for this. But I loved discover these colors. Well! That wraps with a few photos of the trip. Thanks for stopping by!

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A Few Tips To Set Boundaries on Social Media

We go again! Lately, I had a hard time to support social media on my mental health. Before! Early this year because of my mental breakdown, I already took one over-two-months-Instagram-and-social-media-break. It was a needed thing! And one good thing! After this break I come back with a new account to restarting fresh and with boundaries about social media. Since this time, I set boundaries on my social media activity. Over the past months, I learned also that I need to constantly adapt my social media boundaries, depending of how my mental health is, and how my mental health is after scrolling on social media. Currently, it’s pretty bad again. I feel a lot of anger after scrolling on social media and if I managed to discover why. I need to place right now strictest boundaries around social media. Social media and Instagram particularly can be an incredible healing tool for me, right now. Right! I don’t want to take a total break again. And in this moment, placing boundaries around social media is helping. To maintain an activity who helps me, but to stop when it’s too much for my mental health. I’m sharing with you the tips and things that I learned over the past 9 months – and I’m always learning – of how I started to change my social media activity by set boundaries to make it a good thing for my mental health. UNFOLLOW PEOPLES WHO DOESN’T BRING YOU SOMETHING GOOD It’s probably the most common tip online. But it’s an of the most powerful! Unfollow peoples/accounts who doesn’t bring something good. Whatever what kind of peoples you love to follow. Follow only peoples/accounts who bring you joy, calm and a something good in anyway. If in any other way some accounts make you feel bad on something, unfollow. When you could open the apps, and scrolling on your feed, to have only accounts who brings you something good could make you feel good, inspirational or happy. Unfollow peoples and keep it only to what makes you feel good could help you also to reduce your time on social media by reduce scrolling on your feed. SET SOCIAL MEDIA TIMES Set social media times. It’s particularly helpful if you spend hours to scrolling on social media. Or even if not. Whatever is the best for you during the day. Set normal and correct times during the day. By example 15 minutes during lunch time. Or 30 minutes at night. You can set multiple times during the day. The importance is to set times that you feel good with and that you could follow, and on the long term. If you spend hours to scroll on social media, don’t directly reduce to 15 minutes your time. Reduce gradually for that you feel good about this change and see the benefit that it’s could to have to reduce it. MAKE SOME SOCIAL MEDIA BREAKS If you feel the need of it. Take social media breaks. Social media breaks can be from one to a few days, to weeks, or even months. Take the time that you need away of social media for your mental health. You can even plan regular breaks as weekly or monthly. Take the time that you need to make social media breaks. Social media can be awesome but without breaks on your mental health it can be total destructible also. Mostly, when and if you have already mental health troubles. TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS Turn off the notifications is an of the best and easy tip to reduce social media time. Go directly in your phone settings, to turn off completely the notifications or set a time to receive notifications. Turn off notifications permits you to do not be distracted by them and go back in the apps each time that you receive one to look what is new. It’s could be helpful also to maintain the social media times that you fixed you. HIDE APPS ON HOME SCREEN I don’t know if it’s possible on all kind of phone. But on iPhone, it’s possible to hide apps from the home screen without delete it. Place social media apps away from your home screen. In this way, it’s could be harder to go in it. Don’t have them on your home screen permits you to not be in the want to go in them each time that you check your phone, even if it’s for another reason that social media. And don’t have them on your home screen, would after habit, all simply make forget you to check in when you don’t see them. FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO INSTEAD Right! Sometimes when we want to come back strolling on social media, is all simply because we don’t have nothing to do, we feel annoyed. Find an activity to do instead of scrolling is a good idea to forget the want to scroll. And no phone and calming activity is better. But sometimes you just want to use your phone and have it in your hands. Right! It is useful to download one game app on your phone, that you can use instead of going and scrolling on social media. And put this one on your home screen. ADAPT BOUNDARIES TO THE NEED OF THE MOMENT Adapt boundaries to the need of the moment. Because you feel mentally down and want set time to rest, because you are on vacation. Because currently for any reason in your life, you need strictest or softest boundaries. Adapt is the best thing to make boundaries around social media a good thing in your daily life and not difficult stuff because you private yourself of social media. Right! I think, that wraps! What is your favorite tip maybe don’t written here to set boundaries on social media? Thanks for stopping by!

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Fall Life Lately

Hello! One no Disneyland Paris post. Right! All the summer, I come here on the blog to document only my Disneyland Paris trips. I haven’t posted about really anything else these past months! Because since the reopening of Disneyland Paris in June, it was my priority and the only thing who matters to me. Like I briefly written in my Disneyland Paris trips posts, my mental health is not good. Since that I’m entry in a mental breakdown in December 2020, I don’t manage to get out of it. Since this summer, it’s even worst than ever because I think I’m in a burn out of my mental breakdown. The reopening of Disneyland Paris was such an amazing thing! Always very therapeutic. And maybe too much of the fact of my current mental breakdown and extreme fatigue. Since the beginning of September I was in the beach cabin in the South Of France and I come home last week end. In reality, it was not the best time and this was a time where I got again a bunch of new self-awareness. Since November 2020, I got a lot of self-awareness about myself, my past. And it’s a principal reason why I’m currently in a mental breakdown. Doing back some regular and monthly trips makes me realize how hard it’s to go back to life also after the multiple Covid lockdowns and long closures that we have had in France. Since the introduce of the Health Pass in France, the Covid situation is managed to this time. We always have restrictions and mask mandates on some sides. But, it’s not the hardest thing, the hardest thing is trying to go back seeing life everywhere, after all these empty and closures places. It’s so much! I loved to seeing so much peoples in Disneyland Paris since that the capacity has increased. I could totally feel good during a parade crowd. But no parades are always not back at Disneyland Paris. But in reality, Disneyland Paris is the only place where I feel good to see so many peoples around. I realized during my beach cabin trip that everywhere else, seeing so many peoples makes me feel not good and anxious. After all these lockdowns. Right! I decided to go slowly now and trying to get back slowly to reintroduce the life, and open things. And this last week end, I went in a water park in Germany. Health pass was put in place like in France and capacity limited, this is literally the first time since that the Covid has started that I go in a place with peoples around without mask. It was such a big thing! I contacted my psychiatrist to try to change my medication treatment also. Well! I want to try to be back more on the blog with others kind of posts than only Disneyland Paris trips. Now, to see if I manage with always my current mental health. But I already want to go back more, because until recently, I don’t wanted to. Right! This is the first step, I suppose. Thanks for stopping by!

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Disneyland Paris Diary • September 2021

I’m back from my September trip to Disneyland Paris. This trip looked a bit different on many ways. First one, because since the beginning of September, I’m currently at the beach cabin and I leave for my trip from here and after my trip I headed back at the beach cabin again. It makes a different journey of my usually train journeys for my Disneyland Paris trips. It was not bad except that I had some trains journey disrupted and stations changed because lately in the South Of France, there was a lot of storms and floods and in result some trains journey disrupted. But everything was good even if stressing, because I was able to go on my trip correctly despite these troubles. After my difficult trip in August about my current extreme fatigue because of my mental breakdown. I chosen to book a shorter trip. Usually, I stay at least three nights and fours days but the last time on the day three, I was already completely out. I chosen to stay only two nights and three days on this trip. BUT! For the first time ever, I chosen to stay all the trip in one Disney hotel. I chosen to go back in the Newport Bay Club, I loved it so much after my one night stay there in August and wanted to go back and explore it more. Right! I chosen to go shorter but make it bigger by staying all the trip at one Disney hotel. Ok! I absolutely loved and I don’t regret it. Early one morning, I went to the hotel pool, I saw Mickey at night in the hotel hall and I took a walk by night around the Disney lake. It was so beautiful! My favorite about this hotel, it is so relaxing and the 5 minutes slow and calm walk to the park is awesome. This September month was a bit of transition in the parks. They started to take off the decors who has marked the big reopening this Summer season and they started to put Halloween decors. Another big milestone, they have started to unboxed the Castle. It’s little by little and it’s could during a couple of months again. But starting to see this unboxing a few new parts. It’s totally amazing! I really love seeing this transformation. My biggest surprise and happiness during my trip they have make back the music who was supposed only be during the princess week at the end of August when the princess cavalcade ride the parade route. I really love more this one that the simple instrumental they used before. Always on the parade route, I spotted some Cast Members testing parade ropes for the first time in one and a half year. We always have no news about the back of big parades in the parks but seeing them working with these ropes, just make me so happy. Since that I’m back from my August trip, I started to try to make some plans to get some rest of my current mental breakdown who has started 10 months ago and that I don’t manage to go out. I chosen to make my plan for this trip in the same way. When I’m at Disneyland Paris, I’m usually most of my time in the parks from the mornings to nights without take in account my fatigue. I decided to make some changes for this trip because I can’t doing in the extreme right now. I took my time and go slow in the mornings around 10h00 in the parks and headed out of the parks around 05h30pm, and I just enjoyed relaxing in the amazing hotel room where I got a beautiful sunset light in the evenings to rest. It was amazing! And really the most thing to do I think. No vacation, and during the week, the attendance was a bit lower this time but I was pretty surprised it was pretty high for a September month. And the waiting times was pretty low compared to the peoples who were in the parks. Interesting! During these three days, I managed for the first time in a so long time, to feel myself hopeful. Many things make me hopeful during each days, it was not arrived since so long. It was absolutely amazing! Watching the show in the Walt Disney Studios Park, doing a few simple rides, working on mindfulness moments, hanging in the Disneyland park to relax and to watch float riding the parade route, watching Characters energy, going for the first time since that the Covid has started in one pool, take a look on the Halloween decors already placed and looking on the start of the unboxing of the Castle. And just trying to relax and rest in the hotel room. I ate one ice cream by day because the weather was sunny every day and pretty hot. It was a kind of different trip but a really amazing one. Thanks for stopping by!

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Summer 2021 at Disneyland Paris

It’s hard to tell if summer is officially finished to Disneyland Paris. For many reasons, one because Halloween season starts only on October 1, in the parks. Another one, how tell that summer is finished when we don’t have had of summer weathers all summer, except a few days where we got heat waves days, in France the summer was rainy and cold. Right, with these cold weathers and back to school officially on September 2, so summer holidays finished. I wanted to wrap this summer season on my August trip. I wanted to write in one post, a review of this summer 2021 at Disneyland Paris. I feel always in a low, depression and emotional breakdown, right now. Right! Doing this review is a journal exercise to look back since the beginning of this season and what has really was done. Because I feel as nothing has been done! First, let’s take a look on what happened this summer season at Disneyland Paris. And it’s starts with the BIGGEST one. The reopening of the parks after eight months of closure. After a first closure from March 16, to July 15, 2020, Disneyland Paris has reclosed on October 29, 2020 to June 17, 2021. The emotional rollercoaster to get to this date was crazy, with three times the reopening date has been delayed. And the french government who placed the theme parks in the wrong category for the reopening plan of the country after the lockdowns. It’s finally on May 20, that we get the official reopening date of June 17. We had two annual pass soft opening days on June 15-16 also. I have managed to get there for these reopening moments, last summer I was only on an annual pass soft opening day, not on the reopening day. And be on the reopening moment on the morning of June 17, on Main Street USA was a very special and emotional moment. It was just my first happy moment of the year. A few days after the reopening, on June 21, the new Disney’s Hotel New York – The Art Of Marvel, the first Marvel hotel in the world, has done his grand opening. This hotel was supposed to open in June 2020. But it’s finally one year later that it opened. This hotel is amazing, I took a walk in the lobby and shop of the hotel on the day of the grand opening, and later in July, I went take a drink in the Skyline Bar who has a New York view and this is so beautiful. On July 1, a new show and the first one since the reopening has debuted in the Walt Disney Studios Park. This is a show who talks about the importance to dream and believe in his dreams. It’s a perfect themed show related after the last one and a half year and all the psychological impact of the different lockdowns. This is the first time that I took steps in a theater since March 2020 for this show. And it was amazing! I watched the show many times on my July and August trips. The tears that I got at each time, I always want to cry during the show to see a show back for the first time since the beginning of the pandemic at Disneyland Paris. But the most amazing tears was when I placed my first steps in the theater and I hear the show announcements. It was incredible, I never cried so much for a positive feeling that I felt in my body since the beginning of this pandemic. Related to Covid measures around the show. It was really good organized to maintain the more possible social distance in the theater and even during entry or exit the theater, these special moments who usually make a lot of crowds, the entry and exit are made gradually. Also, of course like everywhere at Disneyland Paris outdoor or indoor, the mask is mandatory in the theater. I have no words! It was amazing! An important point of this summer at Disneyland Paris has been the starts of the health pass. The french government has launched the health pass during the summer, you need it to go at some theme parks, but also museums and even restaurants. When they announced this new measure, I was happy about it and anxious at the same time. At this moment, Disneyland Paris was reopened since around one month, the attendance started to be good. Because last summer at the reopening, the attendance was really not good. Right! I was happy that the health pass it can makes me feel more in security Covid related, but I was anxious about what impact it could have on the attendance of the park who started to be really good. Peoples from outside of France started to be back. But now, one and a half month after, it doesn’t have had any bad impact on the attendance, because peoples was here, even more than ever in August, the park was almost every day to the current limited capacity, and I suspect even that the park has already increased capacity without tell it, like written in my August trip diary. The health pass has started to be in place on July 21, in Disneyland Paris theme parks, and Disney hotel’s pools. When it has been extended in France, since August 9, the health pass is asked for the theme parks, Disney Village and all Disney’s hotels services not only pool, at your arrival in a Disney hotel, you got a bracelet, different of colors each day, to access to the hotel services without show your health pass at each service. The organization about the health pass at Disneyland Paris is pretty amazing! They are doing an awesome job! Despite of the fact that the french government don’t let them a lot of time to apply it. An of the most amazing thing to rediscover the park

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Disneyland Paris Diary • August 2021

I’m back from my recent Disneyland Paris trip. What an emotional rollercoaster trip! This trip makes me realized to what breaking point of an emotional and physical fatigue I’m in since months. At the end of this trip, I decided to take real decisions to make new routines to get rest of this emotional and physical fatigue. Because I can’t anymore. I had some emotional breakdowns moments many times during the fours days of my trip. And it’s never happened that I have emotional breakdowns moments during my Disneyland trips. I knew that I’m tired of these past nine months but I’m now at a breaking point. I was so tired on my trip, I doubted about everything if it’s worth it, even the things that I love. My physical fatigue hits me and make my days really complicated to manage. On the second day, I wanted to go at night to see the lights on in the park because with the coming reducing hours it was probably the last time before next year to see the lights on without Halloween or Christmas decor on Main Street USA. I have even took a mid-afternoon break at the hotel to rest, but even with this rest when I was back at the park around 07h00pm until more than 09h00pm. I was totally exhausted and my vision was blurry. I have managed to enjoy this night time park but it was pretty hard. It was also the first time since one year that I was so late – until 11h00pm – outside between the closures, lockdowns, curfews in France. It was such weird! And it was definitely complicated mentally, plus my physical fatigue. The biggest surprise of this trip. If my emotional breakdown hits me during my trip, I had some emotional positive feelings during my trip also. First one, I realized a dream. I slept one night on the three nights of my trip in one Disney hotel. The Newport Bay Club. Previous the Covid, I have never used the Disney hotels but the hotels partner because I spent all my time in the park and I found useless to spend more money in the hotels. But last summer at the reopening, the idea of sleep in Disney hotels has started to grow in my heart. There had the eight months closure, and finally the idea has grown up again since this time. When during my trip in June, I took a walk in the brand new Disney’s Hotel New York – The Art Of Marvel, I knew that I now totally wanted to sleep and explore more Disney hotels. I chosen in first time the Newport Bay Club because it was the first hotel that my heart looked on it. I have chosen only one night because I booked at the last time and August it’s an of the most expensive month of the year in France for vacation. Right! I have no words! It’s totally worth it! The Disney hotel immersion, details and experience is totally amazing! With a Disney hotel, you are in Disney kind of universe, even after your park day. And it’s totally amazing! Another positive emotional experience during this trip. This week happens around the world, the Ultimate Princess Week. And last week, during my trip, Disneyland Paris has done a preview of this week, with the Frozen float who ride the parade and a new music for the princesses float cavalcade who ride the parade route many times by day but always with not official hours given to do not make big crowds. Saw the Frozen float with the music, it was so emotional because it’s on this that all has stopped in March 2020 because of the Covid. To see the float and hear the music for the first time in one and a half year, I cried. It was too much emotional. I don’t excepted this preview, because it was not announced and the princess week is this week. It was amazing! For the first time in forever, it’s left me entry a bit of hope in my heart. My favorite thing to see currently is the only show in theater in the Walt Disney Studios park. I went to see it every day and one day, I have even done it twice. Really hoping that Disneyland Paris come back more shows soon. The park attendance is really amazing. Despite the starts of the health pass one month ago. The park is full at the current limited capacity. I’m in thoughts also that Disneyland Paris has already increased capacity without tell it. Because peoples are everywhere, everything from the morning to the night, from the hotels to the rides who has some pretty high waiting times. Everywhere it’s full, peoples are everywhere, and crowds are literally everywhere. Despite that there is no times announced, the cavalcades make crowds of peoples around the parade route without social distances and like a little look of pre-Covid parades. It’s such anxious to see so many peoples at some times but it’s absolutely so amazing to see so many peoples. Masks are always mandatory indoor and outdoor, social distances are always supposed to be here but guests doesn’t respect it. But. I felt safe Covid related. Thanks to the health pass. I’m so happy for the park that guests are back, peoples of outside from France are here and it’s so good. During my trip, I definitely see the park attendance like pre-Covid during a medium-peak season attendance. It’s so good to see some lives! This summer the weather is not good. It’s rather a fall season during all the summer. If during my trips in June and July, I had some heatwaves temperatures (and the only few hot days of the summer in France), this time it was rainy must of the time or cloudy. I have managed to get a few sun during the four days but most of the time it was

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Disneyland Paris Diary • July 2021

Last week, I was back at Disneyland Paris for my July trip. I was there exactly from July 19, to July 22. During this trip, I was able to be back in my window of tolerance after to be out of it since that I was back from my trip at the reopening in June. It was amazing! On July 21, the mandatory “health pass” has started in Disneyland Paris. The french government has announced this new “health pass” on July 13, for a start on July 21, in theme parks and public spaces with more than 50 peoples. When it has been announced my trip was already booked in these dates, but I’m fully vaccinated, right, I don’t wanted to change my dates. On Monday and Tuesday, before the starts of the “health pass”, the park was at full capacity. Right! It was many mixed emotions seeing so many peoples. The park has a limited capacity for social distances but at the full of this capacity, it was already so much peoples and not a lot of social distances. In first I was anxious, because it was the first time since March 2020 that I saw so many peoples and it was just anxious. But it’s given me so much good tears also. It was so good to see the park with so many peoples. Peoples from outside the France are back also and it was so good to see that. I experimented my first ride with peoples in front and behind me without social distances in Pirates Of The Caribbean. It was such anxious but good in the same time. Everywhere there was so many peoples. It was definitively so many mixed emotions between anxious and good. But I think, this is an adaptation to have to see the park with so many peoples again. And the surprise is that on Wednesday and Thursday, even if the park was not at capacity, despite the start of the “health pass” the park has had a good and high attendance. I have nothing against the “health pass” if it helps to do not close all the things again. But I was anxious that it’s could reduce significantly the park attendance, it’s stay to confirm in the coming weeks, but apparently the park attendance stays high. Mask and social distances were always mandatory at the moment of my trip everywhere. To stay about all the emotions. I watched my first show in a theater during my trip for the first time since March 2020. Since July 1, has started a brand new show called Disney Junior Dream Factory in the Walt Disney Studios Park, this is the first time that I saw one show at Disneyland Paris (or even everywhere) since March 2020. The tears that I got just at the show announcements and I cried in the middle of the show. It was so amazing! A bit of anxiety was always here to see also for the first time since March 2020 so many peoples in a closed space. But social distances were there, Disneyland Paris has placed many announcements to encourage to respect of the safety measures and the Cast Members were present that all the peoples wear their masks. But I have no words to tell the tears that it was to watch one show again. I watched four times the show in four days, and each time it was the same tears. On the weather side, I got a beautiful big heat wave temperatures during the four days with more than 30 degrees Celsius. Heat waves temperatures are not easy, and again less when you walk all day around the park. But if it was hard, it was also ok. Because previously this, I had two weeks of cold and rainy days at home (not a normal weather for July), right, I was just happy that it was hot and sunny. On this trip, most of my days were made by starting with one morning meditation in the hotel room and grab a Starbucks drink to enjoy slow mornings in the parks. Going at the Walt Disney Studios Park every day to catch at least one show. Some afternoons to doing attractions, but not a lot because with so much peoples in the parks the waiting times were at least 30 minutes to almost every attraction, a first time since the pandemic closures. Right! I took a lot of breaks also because it was very hot. On the two first evenings I spend some sunset walks in the park who currently closes at 09h00pm. It was awesome! One evening, I took a cocktail drink in the new awesome Skyline bar. In the middle of the third day, the hot temperatures plus my emotional fatigue hit me and I was not able to stay until the park closure hours. It’s makes me a bit sad and angry, but I decided to come back in the early afternoon to rest the rest of the day in the hotel room. Side transportations, I got some delays in my first train on the way to Disneyland Paris and on the way back home I had my TGV who got a delays of 30 minutes and I missed my train connection, but I have managed to get the next train and got only 30 minutes of delays at the arrival. Below a list of my favorite things about this trip, before wraps this Disneyland Paris diary with photos. -Be back at Disneyland Paris. -Watching Disney Jr Dream Factory, my first show and going for the first time in a theater since March 2020. -Drink the cocktail in the Skyline Bar at Disney’s Hotel New York – The Art Of Marvel. -The two sunset evenings walks in the Disneyland Park. -The soft ice cream from Fantasia Gelati. -The last morning to enjoy attractions during Extra Magic Time. -Starbucks mornings drink. -Discover more pop up surprises appearances in the Walt Disney Studios Park.

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Summer At The Beach Cabin

I’m back home from two weeks at the beach cabin in the south of France. And I’m back home of three weeks away from home. I left home mid-June for my Disneyland Paris trip where I spent one week for the reopening. And when I left Disneyland Paris I directly headed to the south without going back home. And I spent two weeks at the beach cabin. It was supposed be a real summer beach vacation, in reality it was not really a vacation. I spent these times in the south to explore my mental health after my trip to Disneyland Paris. It was many mixed emotions to work on it. I spent much of my times to explore how my mental health and my new healing stage is after to have done my trip to Disneyland Paris, to compare my emotions and how my mental health is after my difficult 8 past months that I got and how I feel about to be back to Disneyland Paris. When I written the recap of my Disneyland Paris, I was there to explore these emotions and I was not able to tell if Disneyland Paris after these 8 months of closure because I grown so much emotional during these months could always be my therapy place. Now, after to have explore post-trip my emotions and my mental health. I can definitely tell that Disneyland Paris has been helpful on my mental health. Sometimes I could love but it’s could never be possible (and maybe it’s a good thing) to feel how I felt during my Disneyland Paris before the Covid. And no, it’s not because of the Covid or of the restrictions, Disneyland Paris has done an amazing work and my heart felt so full for the first time in a long time. But it’s because these past months, my traumas has been unlocked and I’m totally always in an emotional burn out because of that. Really! I think, it’s totally ok and normal that it was helpful in a different way. But during my Disneyland Paris trip, I was able to be back in my window of tolerance, one thing who haven’t happened since December 2020. My brain was more in rest position even if it’s hard for him. A few days after to be back from my Disneyland Paris trip, in the south I fastly have be back outside from my window of tolerance again, without be able to go back in it. Right! Just with that, I can tell that Disneyland Paris has been therapeutic. Right! These vacation in the south were not really some vacation. But once again to working on my mental health and trying to understand my traumas and healing. It was such exhausting. And in this way I was not really able to enjoy the beach around me. But, like even. A few beach mood photos to follow! Right! That wraps this supposed summer vacation but who has not been some vacation! Thanks for stopping by!

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One Line A Day

I was looking one way to document by writing in a journal since last year. I wanted to try to journaling but I have never found the good way to journaling that I love and who makes me the want regularly to be back writing in a journal. I found a good way to document during my travel but not in every day life. And one day, I found on Amazon a little journaling book called “One Line A Day“. I loved this idea and I decided to grab it and try to see if it’s could be a good way to document things regularly. I loved the idea to write only one line a day. It’s looked simple and easy for starting! I bought this book at the early of the year. I started to try writing one line by day. I loved this idea and I wanted to continues. I was not really writing every day. I’m not able because of my mental health. And also, it’s a first time that I document in a journal like that. Right! I haven’t the habit again. I always loved this idea to document but a couple of months ago, I started to think that I wanted to change something. First, I find the place in this journal small even to write one line. And second, I don’t really loved the journal colors. I finally decided to switch of journal. I wanted one that at the end of each day, I want to pick up to write something inside. A thing who doesn’t brings me the one that I bought on Amazon. I finally chosen to create myself a personalized journal. I found a beige linen journal to personalized on a French website. And I loved it. Right! I switched to this new journal. With this journal, I feel like I love more to pick up to write something inside, it’s white pages also so I have the space to write how lines I want. I stayed on the style “One Line A Day”, I write the dates in one color and the lines in another color, it stays simple like I looked when I was looking to found one way to journaling. I have chosen to grab a special pen to write in this journal. And this pen is only for this journal. I loved the Bic Velvet four colors pens. Touching it is fun! It’s makes this time to write in the journal again better and more special. Right! I’m not really writing every day in the journal. Because I’m too bad mentally to take the time every night to do it and because it’s not again really one habit. Sometimes, I can write nothing during three weeks and sometimes I can write three days in the row. But I write when I’m feel ready or good for it. And I find that it’s really a good part and a good start! The goal could be of course to document every day when I could be able to make it. Do you love journaling? Thanks for stopping by!

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Beach Cabin + Life Lately

Hello! It’s one month that I haven’t took the time to write on the blog. And this for a few reasons. The first one is that I feel always very down on my mental health since that the lockdowns these past months has unlocked my past trauma. I’m trying to continue the way of healing. But some days it’s really hard and sometimes (often) I would like to have an one week vacation of this new healing journey but I don’t manage. And I’m exhausted! This made that I haven’t had the want these past weeks, to take the time to write down here because I’m so exhausted. During these past weeks, I preferred and been more motivated to start my very new Instagram account and I stay concentrate on there, and not on the blog. On a good new, and the first good new since the beginning of the year! Yesterday, we got a new Disneyland Paris reopening date. The June 17!!! After more than seven months of closures, three times the date has been delayed and finally to be left without reopening date since mid-March. We got a new date. After the date announcement, I feel inside my heart a giant joy feeling, this is the first time in over one year. And to have this new date it was not win these past weeks, because of the French gouvernment who wanted to put one health pass to entry in the theme parks in France and who considered theme parks in the same category that concerts and festivals on the calendar for reopening the country. After weeks of nervousness because of this, one thing who hasn’t helped me with my healing journey, the French gouvernment has rolled out the idea of the health pass for theme parks, what has permitted to theme parks to work on the reopening last week. And yesterday, Disneyland Paris has given the reopening day. It’s very exciting! On May 3, the lockdown was finished in France. Right! We are always under curfew and nothing has reopened again. And on May 4, we left the home to go on one week getaway near the beach in the South. My parents have recently bought a cabin in a camping near the beach in the South Of France. And it was my first time going here. It was really good! I have managed to relax a bit during for the first time in over six months and I spent my first nights without insomnia since six months. Last week, I have done my first vaccine shot. The vaccination is available for the more of 18 years only starting mid-June in France. But I discovered recently that when you have mental health troubles you are in the “priority public” and in this category it’s available since last week for peoples of 18 years and more. Right! After a lot of thoughts if yes or no I do, I have done my first shot last week. I left you with a few beach photography! Thanks for stopping by!

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5 Meditation Tips When You Struggle To Meditate

Do you want to meditate, but you struggle? I know that so good! I practice meditation now since over one year regularly and because of my Complex PTSD, I struggle very often to meditate. Right! The first thing to do when you struggle to meditate, it’s find WHY you struggle. It’s can be for different reasons. Too much thoughts? Not in a good position? And much more. I think, it’s really important to identify why you struggle. To find the best solution to make meditation more easy. And a good time in your daily life. I share my five top meditation tips who help me personally when I struggle with my meditation sessions! VISUALIZE A MEDITATION PLACE My personally biggest struggle when I meditate is my flashbacks and because I’m overthinking. In these situations, my best helpful tool is before the session choose and visualize a relax place (it’s can be real like your favorite place or imaginary) that I can land during my meditation sessions. When I have some flashbacks or I’m overthinking with my Complex PTSD my brain can’t stop and relax. Visualize and redirect my thoughts on a place when my flashbacks start to disrupt my sessions helps me a lot. It’s permits to my brain to continue thinking to something but to something who helps me to relax and encourage myself to continue the meditation sessions. FIND ANOTHER MEDITATION VOICE If you are doing guided meditation and struggle. Try to find another voice. It’s looks insignificantly but depending of what voice guide you during your meditation sessions it’s can to have an important effect on how you live them. After more than one year of using it, I can that recommend you the app Calm with the voice of Tamara Levitt, but there is some meditation sessions guided by others voices. If you use guided meditation what I recommend you a lot of if you are a meditation beginner, try another voice. EXPLORE ANOTHER POSITION When you think to meditation, you think probably to the usual sitting position with hands on your laps. It’s not the only best position! In reality, during the half of my first year of practice meditation, I practiced meditation only lay down on my bed. I was incapable to practice sitted meditation! I needed to be lay down! It’s only since a few weeks that I can now practice sitted meditation and feel me good about it and relaxing. In his guided meditations, Tamara Levitt tells often that practice meditation can be in any position in the moment that it’s comfortable for you and that you can relax your back. If you struggle with sitted meditation, I highly recommend you to try meditation sessions lay down. It was the only position that I was able to meditate during one year and without meditate lay down, I think that I could never be where I am today with my meditation practice. ADUJST THE TIME OF THE DAY Meditation is often recommended to practice in the morning before you start your day. It is a good time! It’s at this moment that I practice the more currently! But nobody is the same. And the best time for someone couldn’t be the best time for another one person. I think, it’s depending of your lifestyle, when you can have the time and of your current mental health. By the past I already practiced only in the evenings or in the middle of the afternoons. It’s can even changed from one month to another, one season to another, I think it’s depending of multiple reasons. I encourage you to start explore what is the best time for you by trying in different moments of the day. And when you feel that it’s not working to the time of the day that you have practiced during five months, change again, and adjust a new time who feel better. DON’T USE MEDITATION Personally, practice meditation can be really hard because of my Complex PTSD. It’s now over one year that I started and it’s happened that because I felt not good about practice meditation, I don’t practice during weeks. I had always practice meditation in a side of my head but I was not able to practice because of my mental health. I left aside a few weeks each time, again recently, I am just back to practice daily meditation since two weeks after before these couple of weeks to have stopped during three weeks because I was not able to practice. And last weeks, slowly I restarted with 3-5 minutes meditation sessions and I managed to be back in it. If you are incapable to practice meditation mostly if it’s because you are dealing with your mental health in the moment. Even if you are someone who has practiced meditation daily in the past and again more if you have practiced meditation successful in the past, if you struggle to practice, DON’T PRACTICE MEDITATION during a time. Keep in a side of your head the idea to practice meditation and after a few weeks of break, you could maybe be back to practice meditation again, and even better. These are five tips that I use personally when I deal with struggle meditation! I highly recommend you to try and explore different tips when you are struggle to find the best for you. And once again before, I think it’s important to explore why you struggle to practice meditation. Hope that it’s could be helpful to you! Let me know it! What is your best tip when you struggle with meditation? Thanks for stopping by!

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Back On Instagram + New Rules

Since a few days I’m back on Instagram. After a break of two months because of my mental health, I started slowly to be back since the beginning of April. I started to feel ready to be back at the end of March. But I was looking to be back in another way than I left it at the end of January. For one principal reason, is that the way that I used it before my break was not totally helpful for my Complex PTSD and the fact what I learned about these past couple months about my Complex PTSD, I totally started a new part of my healing journey. Come back as I left was not a good idea! For this, I wanted to start new. I was looking about since a few times, but never do it for many reasons but I finally launched me and I decided to start a new account. I wanted and needed to start new and create an account where I could share about Disney and the healing from my Complex PTSD. It was always something that I wanted to do before, but I felt not comfortable with my old account. I needed to do it on the current healing part that I’m. It’s a bit scary starting from zero after years on an account. But I preferred start from zero and feel more comfortable with this account that be back on my old and don’t feel comfortable. I wanted to start with a new account also because I don’t wanted anymore that followers numbers or likes are a problem on my mental health. Whatever what is the numbers of followers that I have, I wanted to love what I share and that it’s brings me something of good and positive on my healing journey and not only about the competition for likes. It was something that I thought already before my break, I created a second account (in reality I created last year when I thought about it but never really used it) where I share only Disneyland Paris parks photography. I have often photos that I want to share but that I don’t love place on my main account feed. Right! I had the want to create a second account only Disneyland Paris photography. My main account is about Lifestyle Disney and healing journey. And my second is about only Disneyland Paris parks photography. Before be back on Instagram, I set myself strict rules about my times and what I do about it. I think it was important because my mental health is always not good and I don’t wanted to be back like before. THE SET OF RULES -Set hours and times of the days to spend to scroll and share on it. -Follow only peoples and accounts who bring me joy and is helpful on my healing journey. It’s probably the one that I consider the more important! -Only share what makes me happy and helpful, particularly on my healing journey. Right! Of the fact of my current mental health, I decided to be back slowly, I know that I have favorite accounts but that I’m not able to follow back. I decided to follow them on my new account and mute them at this moment because I can’t follow to many peoples in once. I hope that the time I feel better and ready, I could be happy to unmute them! Right! If the day that I feel better exist! Because it’s hard to believe about it. But, I chosen to be back slowly! With this way that I decided to be back, since that I’m back I’m feel good about it and it’s not too overwhelming! If you want to, you can follow me at @simplymagicmarion for my lifestyle account and @marion.disneyphotography for my Disneyland Paris photography.

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Happy Birthday Disneyland Paris!

Happy 29th Birthday Disneyland Paris! Today, it’s the birthday of a place who has a very special place in my heart. It’s Disneyland Paris birthday! Disneyland Paris (before named EuroDisney) opened on April 12, 1992. Today. It’s a bit special and heartbreaking because it’s the second years in the row that Disneyland Paris is closed for his birthday because of the pandemic. I’m sure it’s could be the only Disney park in the world who is closed two years in the row for his birthday because of the pandemic. It’s sad and I’m angry also! In waiting, Disneyland Paris is already preparing for his 30th Birthday next year, like with the big current refurbishment du Chateau de La Belle au Bois Dormant who has started in January. It’s exciting! And hoping that by this time, the pandemic is would better and that the parades and shows are back. But today, it’s also exciting because despite that it’s the second year in the row that Disneyland Paris is closed for his birthday, Disneyland Paris hasn’t decided to pass aside of this birthday despite the park closed. There is a virtual celebration. Apparently, inside they could talk about the future of the park and about what is preparing for the upcoming reopening who has no date again. I’m so excited! I think, this is the first time since more than one year that I feel so excited until the bottom of my heart. Since a few weeks that I have finally understood that it’s because of my traumas unlocked during the lockdowns that I felt in a mental breakdown these past months. I understand different my emotions and it’s the first time in so long that I feel an excitement emotion so powerful for something. Right! I think with my new treatment I start to manage more slowly some emotions also. Right! I haven’t of new videos to do a new video for this birthday with the park closed since the end of October 2020 but I used old videos to do an all new video. It’s ok! Right?! It’s the attention who count! And Disneyland Paris has all my attention. If you follow me since a while you could probably already hear talk that Disneyland Paris has been so much therapeutic for me between September 2019 and March 2020, less during the three months of reopening last summer and I now know why. These solo trips has been the best thing in my life, for the first time after more than 10 years in depression, when I was there I felt happy to wake up and happy at the end of my days there. It was crazy! I have never felt that before! Despite that Disneyland Paris is closed right now and since so long, my trips that I have done permits me to self-understand myself better, again more particularly after this past hard year, and particularly these past months where I understand what was the problem. It’s crazy! I have no other words to tell. My heart is full of joy when I think to you, Disneyland Paris. Happy Birthday! Hope that you don’t feel so alone, but I know that even if guests can’t come see you right now, you have wonderful Cast Members who take care of you. Real hope to see you soon!

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Friday Favorites

Hello! Let’s sharing a few favorites lately! Today, I’m writing this post like a therapy session. Because the past days and current days are really hard on my mental health. Again harder than the hard days of the previous weeks/months. I’m so exhausted mentally! Right! Let’s doing a post with some favorites that I got recently! PUZZLES GALISON. I discovered the Puzzles Galison recently. This is not a known brand in France but I found some on Amazon and I loved the images different than the usual puzzles. Right! I decided to order one! Two weeks later I finally bought three puzzles in total. Welcome lockdown! But! I really loved these puzzles. I bought the Summer At The Amusement Park in 500 pieces, The New York Public Library and Cityscape in Panoramic in 1000 pieces. I really love approximately all about these puzzles, the images and the feeling when I touch the pieces, different from the usual puzzles that I bought. CHOCOLATE MOUSSE. Lately, I got a bit of a Chocolate Mousse obsession. Meals are really hard parts in my days currently and it’s a bright spot to have a Chocolate Mousse obsession in these times. I prefer doing myself also. Well! DISNEYLAND PARIS RECENT NEWS. No! We always don’t have of official reopening date for Disneyland Paris. But these last days the president of Disneyland Paris and the ambassador shared some news and videos about what happen currently in the resort during the closure. All the refurbishments, and we got even one video about the big and special current refurbishment for Le Chateau de La Belle au Bois Dormant, and to have all these news and updates it’s just so good. Even if the resort is always closed and we have no date of reopening, to know that things and refurbishments are working during the closure is just so good. Because during the first lockdown between March and May 2020, they were not able to work because of the strict lockdown of the French gouvernment. It’s the bright part in all that! The less bright part is that next week, it’s Disneyland Paris birthday and it’s the second year in the row where the park could be closed for his birthday. It’s heartbreaking that! PHOTOGRAPH FLOWERS. I talked a bit recently. I think I’m start to fall in love with flowers. Right! In first time, I was planning to do a trip to Paris for photograph the Cherry Blossoms. But! It’s got cancelled! Because we are in lockdown. Right! I have a few Cherry Blossoms in my backyard. Right! I try to take that already! But. I really love to take photos of flowers. SUN TIMES. I talked about this recently also! I’m a Winter lover but right now I just want to have warmer and sun weather. It’s probably because of my current mental health because usually I’m not loving when Spring and Summer is coming. Last week, we got an exceptional hot weather for the season here where I live, with 26 degrees Celsius. But! This week, we got again Winter weather with 0 degrees Celsius. And snow! Yes! It’s has snowed on Tuesday and Wednesday. Nothing big! But, it’s has like even snowed! It’s crazy! But, I don’t know what is the craziest. That it’s snowing in April, because I think I have never saw snow here in April, or the weather temperatures change in only few days. Right! But when I saw a ray of sunshine and that it’s not too cold, I literally try to go in the backyard to catch it. Right! That wraps this post! Thanks for stopping by!

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Life Lately

Let’s sharing a bit of life lately! Right! Between sunshine, flowers, solo time, new medication, and new lockdown. Over this weekend, we started a new lockdown in France because the number of cases has too much rised because of the new UK variant. But! The peoples who call it Lockdown season 3 make me laugh. Because for me we never go out of the Lockdown season 2 who started in the end of October 2020, because Disneyland Paris has not reopened between, because even the ski lifts who are outdoor have never open of the ski season and because of my traumas who unlocked so much particularly since the second lockdown. I have never quitted again the second lockdown since six months. When I watch a bit of news on Internet and that I see that other countries outside of Europe tell that the France is in a third waves because we have eased too much restrictions. I ask me if this is a joke what I read! The peoples who talk about, don’t live in France during this pandemic. The French gouvernment has never eased of restrictions since October 2020, even when we officially were outside of the second lockdown on December 15, 2020, we have started a curfew who has never stopped and nothing has again reopened. The only thing authorized opens were the shops. Right! It’s for this reason that for me we never was out of the second lockdown. Disneyland Paris has all the time delayed his reopening date since October, and even the ski lifts who are outdoor, the French gouvernment has never wanted to open them of the season. NEVER. And since the end of January with the new UK variant who has slowly increased, the French gouvernment has took all the time new restrictions like by closing the bigger malls and more. It’s make me angry when I watch news from others parts of the world tell that it’s the reason of the new wave. No! But because it looks like the new variant is really more crazy! Right! Since this weekend we are officially in a new lockdown for four weeks and the school are closed. In reality, the school are only closed for one week, because we have two weeks of spring school holiday in France and the French gouvernment has took advantage of the holiday to make the lockdown and closes the school in the same time. But! Outside of the fact of this lockdown, during the French president national address Wednesday, I had a bit of hope. Because for the first time of the year he has talked about reopening the country, and given dates. It’s never happened since the beginning of the year who talks about reopening some things. He hasn’t given official dates, but he has told started to reopening the country between mid-May and the beginning of the Summer. Right! It was good to hear for the first in a long time about reopening things, even if currently we are in a lockdown. Talking about exceptional things! Last week, I was in solo with my sister at home during my parents were on a trip in the south of France. My sister works most of the day so I was at home in solo. This is the first time since my solo trip to Disneyland Paris in October 2020 that I spent many hours in solo. It was so good! Particularly related to my traumas who has unlocked since these past months. And talking about exceptional things again! Last week was a crazy weather week. It was a summer weather! After a couple months ago to have a crazy cold weather, last week, we got crazy exceptional hot summer weather for the season. It was like June weather. We have never so hot weather for this season. But I loved! It was so good! For my mind also! I spent a lot of time in the backyard to photograph the flowers blossoms and just trying to relax. It was challenging with my Complex PTSD, but I have managed a bit. And currently, we are back at cold weather and it’s even supposed to snow again. I’m sad! It’s crazy in my head because usually I prefer Winter than Summer weather. I always love Winter, but I’m just so excited for have Summer (but not too hot like even) weather. I’m currently trying to explore my feelings because I ask me if it’s not related to my past traumas. With the hot weather, I switched in my afternoon drink from hot chocolate to cold chocolate drinks. I have tried a new Cacao Milkshake recipe that I love. And I tried the Chocolate Whipped Milk but I don’t love it. I prefer my Frozen Hot Chocolate from last summer. No drink! But I’m currently obsessed with Chocolate mousse, but the craziest thing is that despite that it’s take more time, I prefer doing them myself daily that buy them in the stores. Eating has been pretty hard since months in the lockdown but I’m a bit obsessed with doing and eating Chocolate mousse currently. About two weeks ago and after a visio-visit with my psychiatrist and in sight of the high symptoms and how I’m feel right now. I started a new medication, an anti depressant, to try help me to manage a bit better and stabilize some symptoms. The first observation that I have after ten days to took it. Since the beginning of December, I have big insomnia sleeping troubles, one thing that I have never had before, I manage to fall asleep faster. But I’m doing crazy and hard nightmares related to my flashbacks. I think, it’s starting to calm down night after night, but it’s not ok to tell it. These are really disrupting nightmares and if it’s continues I don’t know if I could continues to take this medication. But it’s too short to tell again! I try to continue and I

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Five Things To Document Right Now

I had the want to do a new kind of post to document things in my healing process. I don’t know if I could do it regularly or not yet! But right now, I had the want to do that. I have never really done post like that in more. Right! I will sharing 5 things about me, right now! NEW EDITING AND ORGANIZATION PHOTOS I’m currently in the way to find new photos editing. Right! I could stay on a light and airy look in general. But, I have changed of editing software on my phone. And it’s need work and adaptation because the same editing doesn’t give the same effect. I took advantage of the closure of Disneyland Paris to do that because during my last trips, the way that I edited my photos doesn’t worked correctly for me. In the same way, I’m trying to find new photos organization because the organization that I use daily in the park to editing and organize my photos was not good anymore with the among of photos that I took each day during a trip. And when I was back home I was overwhelmed by the among of photos not good organized each day. Right! I’m working to find my own system to optimize my time to editing and organize better my photos during this Disneyland Paris closure, to do not spend time to editing and organize my photos until 01h00 am in the hotel room during my trips, to use this time to sleep rather. I try to be ready for when the park could reopening! I BOUGHT MY FIRST FLOWER BOUQUET AND STARTING A FLOWER OBSESSION It’s started a bit last year, but I think that this year it’s starting to increase again more. My love for flowers. I have never really loved flowers before. Right! But I’m currently pretty in love. I don’t know if it’s could continued but it’s currently! I don’t love every flowers. My absolutely favorite is Cherry Blossoms trees. But more I look on different flowers, more I love different flowers. Ok! I have done a thing that I have never done! I bought me a flower bouquet! These are not some real! But for the first time ever, I had the want to add flowers to my room decor for Spring feeling. Wahoo! THE WANT TO HAVE WARMER WEATHER I don’t know what happens here! I’m a Winter lover, and I’m usually so depressed when Winter is over and that the temperatures get warm. Usually, I hate hot weather! Right! At the end of February we had an early beautiful Spring weather. It was during one week, but since the weather is again Winter despite that we are officially in Spring since this week end. It’s has even snowed again! But! I would like to have warmer weather. I think and suppose that it’s because of my current mental breakdown. But I don’t like that usually! It’s irritate me a bit to want warm weather because I’m afraid that when warm weather could be here I could don’t want to it because I usually don’t love it. Right! What is happening in my head?! THE LOCKDOWNS, UNLOCKED MY TRAUMAS These past weeks, I finally understood why I felt so bad, literally a little more each day. I often thought that it was Disneyland Paris second closure and who is all the time delayed since five months. But, in reality it’s nothing about! Even if I miss the parks! I started to get into a mental breakdown in the beginning of December, at this moment we were in a second lockdown in France. I placed my feelings on this lockdown and Disneyland Paris closure. Until a few weeks ago, many things makes me understood that it was something else. Slowly, day by day, by exploring my feelings, I took conscience that my traumas related to my Complex PTSD are coming up in my head. And I realized that it’s what happened since the beginning of the first lockdown in March 2020. During looking back on my feelings of this past year, I realized that it’s started slowly that my traumas were coming up. I understood that it was maybe for this that I felt not so good at the Disneyland Paris reopening in Summer 2020. But I didn’t know! My feelings or mental breakdown are totally not related in reality to the pandemic. But my past traumas! The lockdowns unlocked my traumas! It’s just special and hard since that I discovered that! I have more than ever my past traumas who are coming up in my head, and some that I have never realized. My trips to Disneyland Paris since September 2019 makes me understood a few things about me for the first time for ever. But the real effects of the lockdowns has literally make continued the work without that I know it in first time, it’s show me secrets part of me. I now understand some current feelings who are related to my past traumas. I feel a bit good to have understood about that! But currently, it’s such so hard because I’m OVERWHELMED by all my past traumas without to have a real solution to stabilize my feelings. It’s such hard and overwhelming! I’m feel hopeless! I literally learn daily new things related to my past traumas and it’s just too much! I have big sleeping troubles since the beginning of December and I’m tired by this also. Learning all these things currently is just so EXHAUSTING! I HAVE A HAPPY FEELING FOR DISNEYLAND CALIFORNIA REOPENING DATE Disneyland Paris has delayed his reopening date for the third time since October, and we don’t have date anymore currently. Last week, I told that it was hard and that I felt pretty peaceful! It’s always the case! In the same time. I’m feel really happy for Disneyland California who got last week the first reopening date in one year. When Disneyland

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One Month Instagram Break Recap

Well! That’s done! It’s now one month that I started my Instagram break! Where I am! WHY I STARTED A SO LONG INSTAGRAM BREAK To make short, I started and took the decision to do an one month Instagram break because I didn’t supported to see the differences of Covid restrictions of these past months between the different places in the world and more particularly the differences between the France where everything is closed since the end of October 2020 and the Florida where everything is open. I follow since before the Covid a lot of Florida/Disney parks peoples, I absolutely loved to follow them. Sure, since the beginning of the pandemic Florida state are a place where there is a lot less of Covid restrictions. But since that everything has closed again in France at the end of October 2020, second lockdown and second Disneyland Paris closure who could be longer than the first one. It’s started to be harder and harder, everyday to follow them. They live as there is not the Covid. And when you live in a place with a lot of restrictions, it’s hard to see! A part that I explained recently in one post, what makes the thing harder is that Disneyland Paris and Walt Disney World have reopened after the first closure together mid-July 2020. But Walt Disney World has never reclosed despite that the Covid situation was not under control but just because the Florida government refuses to places restrictions. And in France, it’s all the contrary! Well! At the end of January after a ski trip, I realized how bad my mental breakdown was, more than I thought. And I finally chosen to take an one month Instagram break, to cut off daily on to see these differences. These differences are not the reason of my mental breakdown, and I just understand what was real under all that since all this past year, but seeing these differences added anger and incomprehension inside me. And it’s doesn’t helped me! Right! I have done the choice to do this one month Instagram break, I previously already done Instagram breaks from a few days until two weeks. I have never done a so long Instagram break! WHERE AM I Right! First, I can’t believe that it’s already one month that I started this Instagram break. When I started my last week of Instagram break in February, I started to think and to want more and more to continue longer after the one month this break. My mental health is currently not better, in the contrary, I just recently learned what has troubled since the beginning of this pandemic. And I know already that if I could be back on Instagram, I could to continue to feel these differences because in France any restrictions are lifted, and could to be in the next weeks. The French government has announced that the first time where some restrictions could be lifted is not and only maybe around mid-April. I totally think that it’s could be not good to be back right now on Instagram. I could not managing to see these differences. Ok! I have made the choice to continue this Instagram break over one month. Now, I don’t placed of date to when be back. All simply, I could be back when the French government start to lifts Covid restrictions and that I have a really happening date of reopening for Disneyland Paris. Of course, I could see how the situation evolving day to day with the restrictions and when I could place a date to be back on Instagram. I don’t really miss Instagram! I’m a bit surprised! I miss some of my favorite peoples that I follow! But I’m rather ok. And I decided to place my mental health first, because what I discovered recently is overwhelmed. And don’t be on Instagram to scroll many times in the day, let me also the time to practice therapy activities. I think even it’s this Instagram break and the fact that I had the time to practice more therapy activities when I was not on Instagram that it’s finally let me understand what was real under my current mental breakdown. When I want to be back on Instagram, I want to be happy to be back and don’t feel myself overwhelmed already two weeks after I’m back. Right! I couldn’t be back right now again. And even if I don’t know again when I could be back, I think I could not be back before the beginning of April, sure. To see, with the Covid restrictions evolution! Have you already done long Instagram breaks? How have you felt about? Thanks for stopping by!

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10 Things To Try In 2021

The other day I was reflecting on some things that I love as Disneyland Paris and the ski. I was reflecting on how I fell in love with these two particular things! It’s not since a long time that I love these things, because the ski I started in 2018 for the first time of my life and Disneyland Paris, I started to go regularly in September 2019. During these moments of reflecting, I finally remember how I have done to love these two things. Right! The fact is not how I have done to love these things. But more particularly how I have done to go towards these things. Around two years ago, I was really motivate to try new things in my life. Before, because of my depression or social anxiety, I spent all my time at home, doing any activities or outdoor things. And around two years ago, I launched all by myself to try new things. The ski and travel in solo were the first ones on my list! Later, comes Disneyland Paris, and others little things that I tried but that I haven’t loved. I remember now, the begins point of going at Disneyland Paris or skiing was not going back regularly. The first time ever that I have skied or that I went at Disneyland Paris in solo. My mind was just trying to do these new things. To trying and explore new things. At any moment in the beginning, I had in mind that I could be back on the slopes or many times in solo at Disneyland Paris. It was just some new things that I wanted to try and explore. The good thing is that I found love in these things. But never in the beginning, I knew if I could love or not when I started! Right! Remember this, makes me re-think to the mind that I got to try new things when I started these two things. Honestly, once that I found these two things, I was happy that for the first time ever I found some things like that that I love in my life. I invested myself in these things and I haven’t the idea to continue exploring other things. Because to learn skiing and travel monthly at Disneyland Paris were some things who makes already exploring new things each time that I was with them. And I felt happy! I stayed on them and I haven’t searched far away. Last week, I shared that I’m feel not able currently to love these things in the right way because I’m in a mental breakdown and depression because of my Complex PTSD, but I always love these things. But when I remembered the mind that I got when I first tried the ski or when I went the first time in solo at Disneyland Paris. I told me that it was maybe important that I try again other new things to explore what I love because I have never been able to exploring what I love when I was a child. Right! These past months between Covid restrictions who makes the things harder, my mental breakdown and the fact that I haven’t been able to have access correctly to the only two things that I love and who help me, with Disneyland Paris closed nine months on the past twelve months and the ski lifts who stays closed this season. I was not in mood to try new things, all I wanted was the things that I loved! But lately, I understand a lot of things about my past and Complex PTSD, I could maybe talk soon over here on the blog, and I told me that maybe it was the time to going back explore some things. Whatever if in the final I loved or not but just trying to explore about what I maybe love. In the same mind that when I started for the first time skiing or that I was the first time in solo at Disneyland Paris. Trying new things! After, I could maybe love them, maybe not! It’s doesn’t matter! The idea is not to place Disneyland Paris or the ski aside. It’s not because I haven’t access to them because of Covid restrictions that I love them less, in the contrary, I love them more than ever. But! The idea is more to go to explore myself, I can tell that it’s a part of my new self-love journey that I started. And! Right! Maybe discover new things that I love secretly! And maybe add more things on the list of things that I love, in more of Disneyland Paris and the ski. Ok! I took a reflection of a few things that I wanted to try since a long time, sometimes since my childhood. I written ten things! All these ten things are some things that I have never done in my life! Even not once! But they have an attention particularly in my mind, I don’t why, but I want trying these things. Right! In the current Covid circumstances and restrictions and like it’s some things to try this year but like more than the half of the year could be spend again with some Covid restrictions. I tried to pick up on my list some things that I could eventually done with the current or when some restrictions could be slowly lifts up. I couldn’t have placed on my list, going in solo to London because it’s could be clearly not doable for this year. Right! Ok! Like this activity to chosen these new things to try is a part of my self-love journey, I took some hearts and written one thing by heart. Let’s a look! HOT-AIR BALLOON. I want to going in hot-air balloon since that I saw them in the sky when I was a kid. Many times, I tried to go inside the Hot-Air Balloon in Disney Village at Disneyland Paris between September

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The Outcome Of Real Depression

The outcome of a real depressive state. I saw this phrase once or two by the past months passing in front of my eyes but I have never really stopped on it because it was not something that I felt even if I felt bad. Real depression is when you stop loving the things you love. From my Complex PTSD to Covid restrictions who can lead to depressive state, since the beginning of this pandemic and despite my therapy place “aka Disneyland Paris” closed nine months on the past year, I have never really was in depressive state. Until now! During the past year and because of the Covid situation to manage in my head in more of my Complex PTSD, I often felt bad! I regularly had a depressive state! That I was able to beat when I watched Disneyland Paris videos and remembered memories of good times. I often felt in the lack of understanding between governmental restrictions! And I had much more feelings, who often was comes and was able to go away when I was doing something who helped me to make them go away. Until now! Today, and since a few weeks, I’m not able to make these feelings go away. I can’t tell the day where it’s started, because in fact it’s slowly around the beginning of December 2020 and to hit the phase of do not be able to love the things that I love around mid-January to the end of January. I think, I really took conscience that I was not able to love or enjoy the things that I love during my ski trip at the end of January. Despite that it was a different ski trip because the ski lifts stay closed in France this season by governmental decisions to fight the Covid, I was ready to enjoy the maximum that I was able to practice. But at the final, I haven’t enjoyed one thing that I love the more. Right! In more, I felt again more exhausted mentally after my ski sessions. I didn’t really understand at this moment what was the problem! I started to be fed up on myself do not be able to enjoy skiing. It’s at this moment that this phrase that I previously saw was back in my thoughts. By more reflections now, I realized that I haven’t able to really enjoy the things that I love in the right way since about last summer. Last summer, during Disneyland Paris reopening I was able to enjoy some times but some times I was not able to correctly enjoy the things that I love, in first time of course, I thought that it was because of the Covid restrictions (even if I totally accepted them at this moment), but months are passed, the second Disneyland Paris closure has comes, the second lockdowns in France was here. And I realized that it was not only these Covid restrictions who makes me that. This make an evidence that in reality I’m not able to enjoy things that I love since much longer, but I was like even ok because I felt able to enjoy a few things sometimes and like I thought that it was also because of the Covid restrictions. But around this feeling that it was because of the Covid restrictions that I haven’t been able to enjoy the things, I felt something of weird in my head around September and October, when I was totally adapted to the safety measures at Disneyland Paris (like mask and social distances rules,…) and that when I enjoyed one thing these safety measures was not a problem, so, right, it’s could be a problem in the other times. But I haven’t searched to understand more because after Disneyland Paris has reclosed. I think, that something is happened inside me during the first strict lockdown in France from mid-March to mid-May 2020. I don’t know why! I don’t understand because in reality it was the moment since the beginning of the pandemic that I have managed the better mentally. Right! I really don’t understand why! But I think, inside me something has blocked and since this moment I don’t manage to enjoy the things that I love in the right way. But this feeling was rather acceptable mentally until recently. Because if before, I was able to enjoy sometimes the things that I love, even if sometimes I haven’t able. Since recently, I’m not able to enjoy anything, like one of my favorite thing in the world – skiing. And I will be honest with myself, if Disneyland Paris could be opens at this moment, I could not enjoy it also. I feel it! The powerful thing who make me understand this. It’s that I’m not able to enjoy anymore really watching some videos that I took during my trips at Disneyland Paris. Until recently and despite the park closures, I always enjoyed watching them daily, it was the BEST thing who helped me to keep going during these difficult times. It was pretty the last thing that I enjoyed again! But since a few weeks, I don’t really enjoy watching these videos and more again mostly when I watch them I feel with despair and hopeless to be able to feel good related to my Complex PTSD like when I was at Disneyland Paris during my monthly trips between September 2019 and March 2020. Doing these monthly trips has really bring something of new and good for the very first time of my life. Before that I don’t loved anything, it’s maybe for this reason that the phrase -real depression is when you stop loving things that you love- didn’t make really sense to me because even if I was already in big depression states, I haven’t nothing that I loved to feel this feeling of stop loving things that you love. Discover Disneyland Paris and Disney universe has been something of really new to me to

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Random Favorites

I got a few random favorites lately. Right! I thinking to document them in a post. I’m honest of the fact that I haven’t had of trips at Disneyland Paris since four months and no trips planned at least in the next couple of months. I bought myself a few more things that when I’m going on some trips. Of the fact of my current mental breakdown, also I try to find things who could help or calm me. Right! This is always some thoughtful shopping. But I bought myself more things lately. And I don’t like that! I hope that soon I could place money on therapy Disney trips and not buying things. Definitely not my favorite thing. But I use these times also to buy some things that I wanted when I was doing Disney trips and I haven’t bought me at these moments because I chosen the trips. But whatever! Shopping is not my thing! PUZZLE MOMENT. I discovered this new kind of puzzle. These are some mini-99 pieces puzzles specially for adult. They are made for when you want to do a puzzle to relax during a few minutes and not starting a 1000 pieces. This is genius for me! I dreamed of this kind of puzzles since months. I love doing 1000 puzzles but sometimes I just need to puzzling 10 minutes and not hours with a big puzzle. I love the idea of Ravensburger to have done this and I love even how they call it. Puzzle moment. A PRATICAL GUIDE TO COMPLEX PTSD BOOK. My C-PTSD is really hard lately and I try to find every kind of thing who could help me like I don’t have my therapy place. This is the first time that I bought me a C-PTSD related book! I place it in this favorites post but this book was really hard and emotional to read (a bit on a good side). It’s helped me to understand so much more about my symptoms and feelings and how it works because of my traumas. It was such hard to read, I cried of despair many times during reading it. But I understand many more things about C-PTSD now. I understand a bit myself more. This is a good and important first step, I think! After the hard emotional thing that it was to read, I took a break of it currently. But I think, when I could feel better I could look back on it for healing strategies. It’s such hard and emotional to understand for the first time some things since 15 years. It’s overwhelming mentally! 50 WORLDWIDE GAMES ON NINTENDO SWITCH. I’m more into video games lately. In more with my new TV it’s so better to play on it. I looked on the 50 Worldwide Games since a long time. I love it! This is really good! Of course, I haven’t tried the 50 games again. But this is really cool to have a few of my favorite games in one game. There is even bowling! INSIDE OUT MOVIE. Disney + on a new TV. Right! It’s a hard time for me watching movies but I try to catch a few. I tried to scroll on Disney + when I found this movie about emotions. Of course, I already hear talk even if I see nothing really about this movie in Disneyland Paris parks, but I have never watched this movie (like a lot of Disney movies, lol), well. Like all movies have a bad effect on my mental health currently, I was perplex to try it. But I launched me like the subject was about emotions even if I didn’t anything about what and how it’s could be talked. I really loved this movie! Disney movies are usually too emotional for me but this one was amazing. I almost loved everything about it. I loved about the emotions and how they work, I loved to see how the memories work. It’s helped me to understand more how my brain and emotions and memories work, in a different way. I have even find a bit of fun in this movie, it’s is exceptional of the fact that Disney movies are too emotional for me to watch and again more in my current mental breakdown. This is an amazing movie about mental health! If you don’t have watched it and deal to understand your emotions or how your memories work, I HIGHLIGHT recommend it to watch. It is really helpful! Now, so excited for Disney Star who is out today. PAINT BY NUMBERS. In the way to trying new therapy activities of the fact that I haven’t access to my therapy place, in fact I scrolled on Amazon to look on what inspires me and what I could love to try. I found the paint by numbers thing, I bought a simple Disney Frozen kids version to try if I could love it because it’s a very long time that I haven’t done painting. And I was so surprised how I loved and how it’s currently helped me to calm, even a bit my flashbacks. When I finished the kids version, I thought me another that I’m currently working on it, a Paris board, more adult. I love painting currently! TOY STORY 4 PANINI STICKERS. If you are living outside of Europe I don’t know if you are already heard talk about Panini Stickers. Panini Stickers it’s in fact an album with stickers to place inside, and it’s form a story. Some peoples make that mostly for collection it but for me it was mostly to find a therapy calming activity. I don’t know why but I wanted to try this! I chosen the Toy Story 4 album, and I really love the activity to place stickers. I think I love playing with stickers, it’s have a relaxing effect. I almost finished to place them. I want to continue a stickers activity because I really love but

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Life Lately: Snow, Hot Cocoa, Mini-Trip, Mental Health Retreat

It’s time for a bit of life lately. This is my first one of the year! This year, I haven’t had the want to do my monthly life lately series. I want more to share a random life lately when I want to do it. This life lately could cover the two-three last weeks. Because before that I already shared a bit in different posts like the Snow Days post when on the third week of January we got the first time in 15 years so much snow at home, and just after that I went on a Winter and Ski Adventure. Right! Let’s continues with the weather! Around Valentine’s Day, we got some snow again at home and it was really cold. The temperatures was down until -15 degrees Celsius during six days in the row. I live in a place of France where it’s often and we are used to cold in Winter but it’s never happened in a long time that the temperatures rise so down. It’s snowed again, less that the last time in January but we got a beautiful white blanket around the house and with the cold temperatures, the snow is stayed many days. It was good and not for my mental health. Of course, because I love snow but with ski lifts closed because of the Covid in France, it’s such hard mentally to see snow like even. On Monday last week, I left early in the morning the cold temperatures in my district to go a few days in the South Of France with my parents to work on a project that we got since more than one year but has been delayed because of the Covid. I let snow landscapes views from the TGV to arrive in a district where it was 15 degrees Celsius. The difference of temperatures between -15 degrees Celsius at home to 15 degrees Celsius in the South, it was such weird. But I want stopping a bit that watching snow landscapes from a TGV view was a thing that I dreamed. And a panoramic train ride in the Alps with snow is definitively on my travel bucket list now. In the South Of France, I haven’t done something, we go down only for preparing a project, and with everything of closed in France, we can doing nothing. I stayed most of the time during three days in the hotel room. But with the restrictions in France, the restaurants are now closed since October 2020 and have no date to reopens again (this is anxious me a lot because there is no hope that Disneyland Paris opens if restaurants are not authorized to open). Right! These circumstances make that I have done for the first time room services (because it was the only thing available) in my life. Right! I don’t know if I love it! It was a fast mini-trip! I recently bought myself a new TV. The last time that I bought a TV it was ten years ago, and this new is my first connected TV! Yes! Buying TV was not a priority in my life. I’m not watching a lot TV because of my child experiences TV is rather for watching News, a thing that avoid the maximum today because of my anxiety. Right! But these past months, with Disney + I wanted to watch more TV or play with my Nintendo Switch on my old TV. But a thing that I often noticed it’s when I was lay down on my bed for watching a movie. I had a hard time not only because of the tiggers than a movie can brings on my mental health. But I finally noticed that the screen of my TV was too small. Right! I bought a connected and bigger TV. This is amazing! My parents have a big TV in the living room but I never use it because they watch all the time some News or French Tv Shows who anxious me. Really! I discovered a bigger TV is amazing! When I watch a Disneyland Paris Watch Parties, I feel like I’m almost in the park to watch it. This is so good! If you read my post Self-Love for Valentine’s Day, you could know a bit more of what I talk but in the way to practice Self-Love, I was in the mood to add hearts and pink touches everywhere. I have rearranged my board next my desk in these colors. I added heart whipped cream on my Nutella crepes or in my hot cocoa during my afternoon snacks. I don’t know if it’s really working but apparently, read in my Self-Love workbook, Self-Love is a learning process, it’s not happening overnight and again less when you are a people who have never practiced Self-Love of her life. Right! I will finish by talking about decisions that I took for my mental health in the beginning of the month. I don’t talked about them really! At the end of January, after to have realized on my ski trip how bad my mental breakdown was, worst than I thought it. I took the principal decision to do an one month Instagram/Social Media/Internet break. I can’t tell that Instagram or Social Media was the problem. But it was like even a problem. It’s started particularly at the second closures of Disneyland Paris and second lockdowns in France at the end of October 2020. To face the Covid, the restrictions in France are often more strict that in other places. I don’t want to tell if it’s a good thing or not for manage the Covid crisis. But when I followed peoples on Instagram from Florida who going at Walt Disney World who hasn’t reclosed like Disneyland Paris, or these peoples who goes like normal in hotel, bar, and more because the Florida gouvernment makes any restrictions. It’s started to be too hard mentally to see peoples life almost like normal awhile in these places

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The Way To One Year Of Practice Meditation

Early this month mark one year that I started to practice regularly meditation. What a ride! HOW IT’S STARTED I remember it was one week before a trip at Disneyland Paris. I saw the 7 days- free on the app Calm and I wanted to launch me to try it. I don’t know why exactly! I subscribed to the 7 days-free and after trying to practice simple meditations daily during this week. I felt something of good and that it’s could brings me something of good. Right! After 7 days-free, I bought the annual subscription to the app Calm. PRACTICE DAILY OR NOT Practice meditation is unlinear, again more when you are starting and it’s adding difficult when you have mental health like depression or C-PTSD. It’s really hard starting meditation and take a daily practice. It’s impossible for me to practice 365 days. My meditation practice planning is related directly to my mental health of the moment. Some days, months, it’s can be easy to keep practicing daily. Some times, it’s can happening that I haven’t managed to practice daily, and sometimes it’s happened that I haven’t practiced during weeks in the row because my mental health was so hard that I haven’t managed to practice, even if I tried. The hardest thing about practice meditation is my flashbacks. It’s can totally disrupt my meditation sessions. Or makes me want to stop practice meditation because it’s can increase them when they are very powerful. When my mind is calm it’s can easy let my flashbacks introduce faster and like practice meditation is for calming the mind, it’s can easily be hard on this side. During these circumstances, I try to switch on the different guided meditations in the app, sometimes switch from one guided meditation to another can works, sometimes not. Often, in the guided meditations a reminder is here to tell you that practice meditation daily is not perfect and linear, and I think that it’s what helped to continues when I have some hard times to practice, particularly related to my flashbacks who disrupt my sessions. Tools are given you in the sessions when you are disrupted by things during your sessions. It’s really helpful, mostly when you are a beginner, but for me it’s doesn’t work every times. But it’s can! Practiced meditation is passed by different positions or places. From lay down on my bed to sit down on the floor, from at home to in front of the Castle at Disneyland Paris during sunset. During this one year, I practiced meditation differently, some I preferred, some I don’t loved, some makes practice meditation easier, particularly when I have a hard time to practice because of my mental health. Find the perfect position or places, this is really an exploration about what works the best for you. I’m pretty proud like even because my meditation stats over the past year are of a total of 340 sessions, 138h 35 mins of mindful minutes and the longest streak where I practice daily is of 52 days in the row between April 3, to May 24, 2020. IS IT HELPFUL Meditation practiced regularly can definitively be helpful. It’s such a good tool for anxiety (I previously talked a bit about here). It’s don’t always helps me on a daily basis when my mental health and particularly C-PTSD hits me hard psychologically. But even in these times, I find that it’s helping me in a hidden part of me. It’s a bit complicated to example. BUT Meditation is such one thing to add in your life that you have mental health or not. I highlight recommend the app Calm that I use, from guided meditations to sleep stories, relaxing music and more, it’s such a beautiful complete app and I love so much Tamara Levitt for my meditations and sleep stories. If you are a beginner, I highlight recommend to buy the book Calm, directly related about the app. It’s such a good tool in the same time, you learn more about meditations and tools to help you to practice meditation. Do you practice meditation? What are your favorite tips to practice meditation when you deal with mental illness aside? Thanks for stopping by!

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Self-Love For Valentine’s Day

In 2021 goals, I introduce to get more “softness” towards myself and my mental health recovery. I started to think that “self-love” is in one big part to practice this goal. Before taking my current Instagram break, I saw everywhere talking about Valentine’s day. I’m single and I have absolutely no problem with this currently, but Valentine’s day was not a real part of my life because I considered (or the society makes it) Valentine’s day like a time for couples. After seeing everyone talk about Valentine’s day and in the reflection to make goal to practice more “softness and self-love” towards myself, I started to want to use Valentine’s day to make the occasion to use it for practice again more self-love towards myself and my mental health, even if Valentine’s day is rather a couple thing. I wanted to use for self-love, me. My current mental breakdown makes hard to practice “softness and self-love” towards myself. The announcements of Disneyland Paris reopening delayed from February to April, and that ski lifts could stays closed all the ski season have been hard mentally. And making myself wanted to practice again more self-love towards my mental health. I wanted something of simple but in the main time I didn’t where going because I have never practiced self-love towards myself. On social media, I noticed that some parents make Valentine’s day basket for a fun stuff for their kids on Valentine’s day. I loved this idea! I decided that I could make me a Valentine’s day basket, with things who could help to practice my goal of “softness and self-love” towards myself. I searched what things could help me in these current times. I’m not loving buying myself things but with no Disneyland Paris trips since four months and no trips planned in the next couple of months because of the opening delayed, I told myself why not buying a few things. Of course, it’s could be mindful buying. I took a few days to create my Valentine’s day basket. I have chosen to include this Muslin Saranoni XL blanket. I look on this blanket since about one year. I have already two Lush Saranoni blankets and it’s one of my favorite thing in life. I looked on the Muslin since a time, particularly for summer because it looks more light that the Lush blankets and in summer days, I have hot with the Lush blankets. And eventually, more easy to transport on travel. I always take one blanket on travel even on my Disneyland Paris trips, but no lie that it’s heavy, and I looked on a lighter format for travel. I always hesitated, because I was afraid that Muslin blanket could be less soft that the Lush blankets that I have. Now that I have it. It’s amazing! This blanket is softer that it’s looks, in a little different way but it’s much soft that the Lush. It’s absolutely amazing! I decided to place in this self-love basket, one bracelet that I looked on it since a time. I discovered this Disney “Frozen” themed bracelet at Disneyland Paris mades by Arribas one year ago during the Frozen Celebration at Disneyland Paris. I wanted to buy it but the park has closed for the Covid and I haven’t had the time to go back to buy it. I don’t thought at this bracelet anymore with the park closed and no Frozen Celebration this year, until that Arribas has started to sell the products on Internet, with the park who is always closed and during looking on the website, I remembered about this bracelet that I wanted to buy me last year. I always wanted it when I looked on it. And the last bracelet and last jewelry that I bought myself it was two years ago. Right! I thought, it was good stuff to add to the self-love basket. Next, after to have chosen some things that I wanted to buy since a long time for this self-love basket, I decided to go on the real way to learn practice more “self-love” and during some research, I found some self-love workbooks on Amazon. I thought that it was maybe a good idea to help me to learn self-love because I have never really practiced self-love with my lack of self-confidence. Right! I chosen this one! And I try to work a bit daily on it! It’s hard to learn self-love, again more with my C-PTSD to deal aside. But I love the workbook that I chosen to try to help myself on this new journey. On the work… For totally wrap this self-love basket, I decided to add these heart sticky post-it for fun. I never buying me little things like that just for fun. Buy why not, exceptionally? NOW If I prepared this basket for Valentine’s day in first time, after my ski trip where I discovered that my mental breakdown was worst that I though it and I fastly decided to take some decisions to deal with my mental health to try feel myself better mentally. I switched and I took it a bit early than planned, but in the same time that I decided to take new decisions for my mental breakdown, to accompany these decisions. To maybe help me! What is your favorite way to practice self-love? Thanks for stopping by!

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2020 Thoughts + 2021 Goals

Hello! This is my first post of 2021! And I will share a bit of review and my thoughts about 2020 before moving on 2021 goals. 2020 has been a very special year in the world. On social media, I often see peoples tell that 2020 is the worst year. 2020 was particularly heavy on my mental health. But it was my second best year in my life! After 2019. If I could choose one word about this year is: adaption. All over the year, I learned to adapt with the current situation of the moment my projects, and I think particularly to my trips at Disneyland Paris. I booked, changed, adapted each week with the evolving situation and between the closures. It’s one thing that I pretty loved to learn! And for the fact: I learned to adapt myself even before the Covid starting but I already learned to adapt myself during my first trip of the year at Disneyland Paris in February where all the shows and parades were canceled because of the storm Ciara who touched the Europe when I was there and of course all my planning to watching shows was canceled. And I had to adapt myself in the moment. Why 2020 is my second best year? 2020 was really heavy on my mental health, I was not able to have access to my only therapy tools for my C-PTSD and in fact today again, I haven’t access to them. It was hard! It’s hard! I had many mental breakdowns. And I’m currently always in one it. But I lived many things in the same times. What!? I went at Disneyland Paris during a pandemic despite of all my anxiety. Right! If you could have told me that two years ago, even in the month of May 2020, I could not believe it. Despite a lot of plans canceled or changed in 2020. This is my second year where I live so many things. Before because of my depression and social anxiety, I lived nothing in my life. Right! I’m currently learning to live. And sometimes the hardest thing about the effect of this pandemic is not only that I have some plans canceled but I recently learned that it’s to see the things who brings me life, stopped. At the announcement of the second lockdown and Disneyland Paris closure at the end of October, it was not that I got two trips canceled until the end of the year but the heartbreaking moment was/is to reimagines the park empty, without peoples. It’s shocked myself when in my mind, the Christmas gift that I dreamed was not to see the parades and shows at Disneyland Paris, even if I miss them so much and I dream to watch them. But the big Christmas gift that I wanted was that in 2021, it’s could be possible that peoples make crowds everywhere in safety. That it’s bring me life to see them! In 2020, I learned for the first time to understand some emotions, and I worked to understand a lot of emotions, some hard, some good. I have never before understood so much emotions and feelings about myself. It’s a bit crazy to me and I’m feel overwhelmed to understand all that. I learned many boundaries about my mental health. This year, I have lived my first emotions who comes from my heart. Before, I have never lived reel emotions from my heart. I know now the difference between simple and feelings who comes from my heart. And it’s help me now to understand what is really important to me. In 2020, I started to slowly recovery from my grandmas passing away in Summer 2019. It took time, it was slowly but I feel my emotions better about this event from Summer 2019. Before, I loved to planning my trips, each moment of each day, and this year I learned to find the middle between planning to not missing highlights and going with the flow to explore the moment. It was such a hard year but my second best year also. GOALS OR NOT? In reality, because of the pandemic I was not able to realize the goals that I fixed myself for 2020. Right! For this year, I do not wanted really to write down reel goals but trying to find new way to make goals and challenges. Because the pandemic could continues during months again and could stop my reel goals. Right! I wanted to make it in another way! My principal themes for 2021 are: +Softness. +Mindfulness. +Mental health. Following these themes, here are a few goals. I want to practice “softness” towards myself every day. And again more particularly on the bad days. In this situation, I’m often angry towards myself. And I want to change that and practice softness, the same softness that my cozy blankets bring me when I’m wrapped in them. – On social media post only things who make me happy. (And take social media breaks over week ends). – Work on things who bring me calm. – Journaling daily. – Find little things to practice daily who reduce my flashbacks tiggers in everyday life. – Make more what make me happy. – Bring hygge and mindfulness more daily. About hygge I have a special challenge, I could share more about it very soon. – Take in account myself first and my mental health, not others feelings. Without feel myself guilty. This is an of my biggest problem and who brings me anxiety daily. Right! I have also created a Weekly Photography Challenge. I could share more about in a few days. I have decided also to create myself a “Monthly Box” inside it could include a book and a few beauty products. I want to try to read one book by month. And in December, I bought myself my first ever beauty products advent calendar and I loved to discover some products. Because! Know me! I bought myself any beauty products in my

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December Around Here

A little post about December around here. It’s seriously a hard time! I’m in a mental breakdown. I have managed pretty good the beginning of this second lockdown in France who started on the end of October but since three weeks, each day get worse and I fall inside a mental breakdown. I can’t sleep correctly every night since three weeks, or I fall asleep not before 5 am or when I fall asleep around 01h00 am, I wake up myself in the middle of the night. I’m mentally tired of not sleeping correctly. That I have some sleeping troubles like that it’s rare and it’s never happened that I wake up myself in the middle of night so many nights in the row and it’s continues. I’m mentally exhausted by literally everything. It’s official since December 15, we are not anymore in lockdown but we are under a curfew during weeks. Everything are closed, cinema, restaurant, Disneyland Paris and the Council of state has confirmed that the ski lifts could stay closed during Christmas holiday and until at least January 7. They could maybe open after this date if the situation permits it. Well! Nothing is open! I’m so tired mentally! If in November, I was in this Christmas spirit, at ten days from Christmas I’m not in it anymore. I’m watching Christmas movies but not manage to enjoy them anymore. I’m not in the mood to do anything Christmas or not Christmas. I tried to bake Christmas cookies but not really enjoyed to do them. I have chosen to reduce again more my time on social media. My biggest feeling currently is angry, on a lot of different things and I think that it’s this giant anger inside who get me troubles to sleep. But I have nothing to calm it. I have already tried multiple solutions, even to cut off what things bring me anger, but nothing helps me, every day this anger increase a little more and exhauste me mentally again more. I’m exhausted! On an only positive note, on December 15, I have done my first real psychiatrist appointment in FaceTime. It was my first real psychiatrist appointment that I have done since the beginning of February. Well! And in FaceTime, I previously during the year made a few little talk at my psychiatrist by phone when I tried a new treatment but it was not some real appointments. And the last one was at the end of August. Right! That’s an accomplishment in relation to my social anxiety. That wraps this little December related post! Thanks for stopping by!  

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An Authorized Lockdown Escape

This joyful moment when I realized that the ski resort and mountains are in the 20 km perimeter outside exercice authorized. Currently, always in lockdown since the end of October in France, since the end of November we can doing an outside exercise in a maximum perimeter of 20 km and during not more than 3 hours. The French gouvernement refuses to open ski lifts and have no dates when they could open. A lot of snow has falling down in the mountains these last days and even in the mountains and ski resort near my house when the last season they have dealt all the season with the lack of snow. Right! The last day that I was outside from the house more than the backyard it was mid-October on my last Disneyland Paris trip. In the beginning, I have managed this lockdown pretty good but these last days started to be really hard on different ways. Well! When I realized that the mountains were in the 20 km perimeter and even if the ski lifts aren’t open, I decided to go outside for the first time in almost two months to going to see the snow at least. Saturday afternoon with my parents I headed in the mountains. We need one hour to go and one hour to go down the mountains, so we were able to stay only one hour with the three hours authorized maximum. But it was an amazing time! Of course, this is the first snow that I saw since February. I cried when I saw it and I could not believe it and today again I have a hard time to realize. Realized, that I was outside from the house for the first time in two months and for going to see the snow in more. I cried again more than at the reopening of Disneyland Paris in July (sorry Disneyland Paris, I love you so much but it was ten months that I haven’t see snow). At the top of the mountains surrounded by the snow, except a bit at Disneyland Paris, this is the first time since the beginning of this pandemic that I felt happy in the bottom of my heart, but really. It was foggy, I walked, took photos and rolled myself in the snow, it was so peaceful, this is also the first time since the beginning of this pandemic during be lost around the tree covered by snow in the fog that I felt a peaceful moment. I’m feel weird to have be able to feel a peaceful moment again because more and more I was going, I felt like I could never again feel peaceful times. How good it was also to wear again my ski clothes, I missed them. A few children and peoples were playing and laughing in the snow, everybody was social distances and I decided to walk around where there was nobody. It was so good for the mind to hear these peoples have fun. The last day that I hear peoples laughing it was during my trip at Disneyland Paris in October, since I hear only about the lockdown. I have no word how it was good! It was an authorized amazing escape from this lockdown, my mental health gets worse these last three weeks, at the point do not be able to sleep correctly and even if it was short it was so good for my mental health this winter white dream. Even if it’s sad because I don’t know when I could skiing, to see the snow and mountains with the snow after so much months was a dream. And I take this time in waiting. Let’s sharing a few photography! Back home, I drink a hot cocoa and watched a Christmas movie. Thanks for stopping by here!  

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Tuesday Favorites

Well! Why always doing friday favorites, I wanted to do a tuesday favorites, rather. It’s a while that I haven’t shared some favorites. Lately, I got a ton of favorites. Because for the first time in forever, I bought a lot of things in November. Yep, Ok! If you follow me since awhile you know that I’m minimalist and I buy myself almost nothing. But this month with two trips canceled at Disneyland Paris until the end of the year and this second lockdown, I decided that I could enjoy myself to buy a few things. It’s pretty cool! But in real, I’m ready again to buy myself nothing anymore and place all my money in Disneyland Paris. It was a fun to buy myself some things but it’s not my lifestyle. But I’m pretty happy of this experience, it helps to intensify my mind set to place money on trips and not things. When it could be possible! Let’s sharing these favorites, I have a ton! First thing, if you read my lockdown edition posts, you have written that I tried to take the more possible down the time that I spend on social media and screens times, because I noticed it’s better for my mental health, and again more in this new lockdown. Right! I was so in the mood of board games. I love these times of board games! I haven’t a lot of board games, but I’m doing a lot of puzzles, and in miss of Disneyland Paris during christmas season, for the first time I created myself a puzzle with a christmas themed Main Street USA photo that I took last year, I created it on PhotoBox. It’s really so cool to create a puzzle yourself. A photo puzzle can be a perfect gift for Christmas also. I bought a new set of Lego with this set from the Friends tv show, I loved building it. My favorite game of this month, it’s this game called Gravitrax. I love it so much! And I love spend time to building some tracks. It’s so fun! And one last game. I love this Quadrillion. I love reflexion games in general and this one is amazing, I want spend all my time on it. The Christmas season at Disneyland Paris got canceled at the last minutes. Right! I had the want to buy some Disney christmas themed clothes. Usually, I don’t buy christmas themed clothes, but this year I bought this Mickey christmas sweater, this Mickey christmas pajamas, and I bought a red jogging from Superdry. They are so soft! I love them! I bought myself two books also. This one Disney christmas storybook collection. I wanted to read Disney christmas themed stories. And a more important this little Grow Through It book. In October, I discovered @positevelypresent on Instagram and I loved his work, and I loved his idea to grow up like the seasons because it’s exactly what I feel. Right! When I saw that he just mades a book, I checked the Amazon France if I can find it. I was so happy because I found it! It was not again officially out and it’s took three weeks for that I got it because it was shipped from UK and with the lockdown between UK and France. But right! I love this book! I can find so many inspiriting and motivating pages, even related to this new lockdown. One last recently favorite. Disneyland Paris with the park closed is making a virtual advent calendar on their website At Home Disneyland Paris who have created during the first lockdown early this year. I’m excited! Thanks Disneyland Paris!   Well! I think that’s wrap my current favorites. That’s a lot! Right! Thanks for stopping by!  

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Life Lately • November 2020

Wrapping this November month with a life lately. All the month of November has been spend in this second lockdown in France. And the lockdown has officially was extended until December 15, in the same way the French gouvernment refuse to opens Disneyland Paris for the Christmas holiday window, and they refuse equally to open the ski resorts for the holiday. This is a hard feeling because these my two favorites things. But maybe it’s could change again for the ski resorts, not sure yet. But at the end of October in the beginning of this new lockdown, despite that it’s pretty hard mentally, I decided to work to make it differently and live it differently that the first one in the beginning of the year. It’s lead me in an incredible work every day to understand a lot of my emotions. I talked about this in a post last week here. I was supposed to wait after my trip in at Disneyland Paris mid-November, but like it got canceled because of the lockdown, I decided to place in the beginning of November my Christmas decor. Usually, I do all the same day, but this year I had the want to do slowly and place a few things every day during a few days. It was what my feelings wanted to do, so I have done it. I’m not sure if I could proceed like this in the future but this year I loved to do it like that. During the month of November, I shared a day in the life: lockdown edition. During this lockdown, I’m really trying to structure more my day, I found a really benefit on my mental health to do that. Another thing that I tried and I worked this month, it’s take down the more possible social media, screen times. All over the year, I learned that less I use social media and screen times, better my mental health is, and with the announce of this second lockdown, I found a real necessities that I take my times the more down that possible. I often dealt and argument with myself the fact to take a complete break of social media but I finally chosen to stay on it but really reduce my time on it. I simply chosen to stay on it, to follow Disneyland Paris medias during this new closure and continue to follow the Disneyland Paris community and over Instagram, I wanted to share some photos from last year Christmas season at Disneyland Paris, even if this year is canceled, because I got so many  amazing memories from last year season that I wanted to take the time to remember them like they deserve them. Out social media, welcome puzzle, lego, board games. And I love these times! I bought me a lot of new games this month, and I even created a puzzle photo on Photobox with a photos from Main Street USA last year during Christmas. Pretty cool! On November 18, it was Mickey’s Birthday and with Disneyland Paris closed, I decided to create a video of footages that I got of Mickey, taken between September 2019 and October 2020. I loved doing this special thing! You can find the full video here. I’m currently on the editing of videos about Disneyland Paris Christmas last year, it was not the best footages but I decided to do some work and explore the skills that I learned on the editing software in a Christmas spirit. Right! That wraps this month, about one week ago I started to stop the medication that I take since over five years and who doesn’t helps me. I previously already tried to stop it but I had some bad thoughts and I didn’t react good. But I decided to try again like even because this medication doesn’t helps me and I started to be mad to take it for nothing. After an email echange with my psychiatrist, she done me a calendar to stop it on six weeks. Right! That wrap this November life lately!  

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The Work To Insight Emotions

I have a lot of emotions lately. I had many different emotions (in more that my usually) since the beginning of this pandemic. Going in a first strict lockdown, opening back the country and after a few months come back in a lockdown. Since this new lockdown who has started on October 29, I had again many more emotions. And something of special happened. I don’t even know how talk about! It’s so new for me! I’m every day in a work to insight a lot of my emotions. I seriously don’t know how it happens. It started when the second lockdown has started in France. At this moment, I got two emotions, shocked for some reasons, and heartbreaking about Disneyland Paris closure again. After a few days, I managed to calm these two emotions and particularly the second one, what has probably helped me is when the president of Disneyland Paris has shared a few words on his Instagram stories about the heartbreaking of this situation and hope for the future and to keep going in the Disneyland Paris family community all together to face this new park closure. It’s helped me! Since that these emotions are calmed, I got a lot of things who get clearly in my mind about a lot of others emotions. I have done nothing of special, all is come in my mind alone. It’s like almost every day I understand a new emotion and from where she comes and it’s let me the time to explore now how I could work better with it. I have stopped to count how many emotions I insight. Although, I ask me if it’s could be better that I write them down, so many they are. I understand so many emotions since the beginning of the month. I don’t know what happens and it’s crazy! The only thing that I know is that this work to insight my emotions has started with this second lockdown in France and Disneyland Paris second closure. It’s together! Since October 29, (beginning of the second lockdown) I had many emotions who passing by my mind, some negative, some positive. And I’m pretty impressive by the numbers of positive emotions. It’s really special! I have never before felt some negative and positive emotions and many different in the same time. I discovered a few emotions that I didn’t know before and who could give me some negative notes in daily life. This new lockdown brings me in a stage to learn and understand the insight of my emotions like never before. It’s crazy to me, I never really understand my emotions before. I don’t really know what happens. The fact that I can’t go outside at this moment, I’m reflecting to my past trips this year. And during this reflect times, the insight of many of my emotions is discovered. This feeling is just crazy! I have some work to understand some emotions who are not insight to me again, I don’t know if I could understand them before the end of the year. But I’m currently just impressive how I insight for the first time so many emotions. That’s crazy! And aside to insight some emotions, I’m in the work to see how I could deal better with these emotions. What hard and crazy work it is! If you currently dealing to understand your emotions, I could to tell to stay calm and wait, you could finally understand them! Thanks for stopping by!  

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Disneyland Trips Like Mental Health Therapy

Right! It is true! I can’t believe it! If you read me since awhile you know that I’m doing Disneyland Paris trips like therapy but it was my own experience and I have never really hear or see other peoples talk about Disney trips like that (others peoples tell who take some Disneyland trips rather to forget the daily life but it’s not what I feel me). Yesterday, I was just scrolling on Internet  and I accidentally found a post where a psychiatrist tell that he prescribes Disney trips like mental health treatment. Below is a part of the post: Psychiatry Today’s Dr. Sanders has begun prescribing his patients week-long trips to either Disneyland or Walt Disney World. Dr. Sanders explains that while the trips are still optional, being surrounded by the positivity and manufactured joy at a Disney park can have profound effects on your mental health. He said: My patients have the choice to take trips with their family to help promote positive changes in their behavior and develop lifetime memories in the meantime. I usually suggest my patients purchase an annual pass to make sure that they are able to continue on their path to managing their emotions. Dr. Sanders seems to believe the psychological studies which state “humans exposed to environments encompassing the patient with positivity and experiences that are enriching have changed the outlook for the patients.” Disney parks are examples of such positive and enriching environments.   Since that I read that I feel better. Before when I told to peoples that doing trips to Disneyland Paris was my therapy, I felt like they didn’t believe me and thinking that going to Disney can’t be therapeutic like I describe it. But it’s real! Despite the current world situation and that Disneyland Paris has closed again because of a new lockdown in France because of the second wave of Coronavirus and with already four months of closure early this year. Since a little more than one year doing monthly trips except during the closures to Disneyland Paris has been the most therapeutic thing in my life. In one year Disneyland Paris has helped more than any other things in 10 years. At this day, Disneyland Paris is particularly therapeutic on my C-PTSD, depression and my social anxiety. Right! I’m currently missing some trips with this new closure. But now, I feel like I can be understand and I want to change for this psychiatrist because I’m sure that my psychiatrist doesn’t understand the therapy side of my trips to Disneyland Paris. I recently shared a post where I explain why Disneyland Paris is a place to learn and not to forget everything for me and one year ago, I shared a few ways how doing trips to Disneyland Paris improve my mental health. Today, the list is much longer because when I written this list it was in my very first trips and I made more trips since, including living some heartbreaking closures and going in the parks during a pandemic. Wow! That’s crazy! Love this!  

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A Day In The Life: Lockdown Edition

Lockdown number 2, Day 12. I’m a stay at home people when I’m not on my Disneyland Paris trips, it’s can happens that between two trips (about 30 days) I don’t go outside, I feel not good related to my C-PTSD to go outside in my neighborhood. We are officially in lockdown since 12 days but the last time that I went outside from the house it was on my last day on my Disneyland Paris trip on October 12. But be at home people in normal time, and be lockdown at home because of the French government is really different. Do you know that we have in France currently all the shops of closed except food, we are not able to buy some Christmas decor? In the food shops where Christmas decor are sell usually, they have blocked some sections of the shop and you can’t buy any Christmas decor, books and a lot more. It’s hard to hear about the lockdown everywhere. This lockdown, one thing that I haven’t really done during the first lockdown between March and May, I decided to structure a bit my days with including a lot of cozy, hygge and Christmas themed. Let’s sharing! On mornings I try to wake up around 8h30 am, I take my breakfast and get ready, alert cozy sweaters and sweat pants. Usually after I take a look on social media. One thing: I do not look on my phone before I’m ready and dressed. And watching around 9h30 am on Instagram is a most for me because I follow a lot of Americans and with the jet lag they have posted during I’m sleeping and when I wake up, it’s the end of the day for them. From 9h30 am to 11h30 am I work on something usually on my laptop. Around 11h30 am, I start to get ready for lunch, my lunch are usually a yogurt and if I feel good to eat a bit more, rice or pasta, most of the time. After I watch some videos from Disneyland Paris, some favorites of my trips or some complete shows virtually. Around 1h30 pm I take a rest in my bed, sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes no, sometimes I sleep 30 minutes, sometimes I sleep 1 hour, it’s depending of the night that I passed and my mental health. When I’m not sleeping a lot, I can work again on my laptop from 2h00 pm to 3h00 pm. And I look on Instagram also to see if French peoples that I follow has shared something. At 3h00 pm, I try to go a few minutes in the backyard to get fresh air, usually it’s about only 5 minutes but since it’s start to be cold and that I love to feel the cold on my face skin, I really try to go outside a few minutes to feel this cold. It’s probably what I miss the more do not be able to go at Disneyland Paris right now in the cold outside all day. After a few minutes outside, I’m back inside to warm up with a hot cocoa. Before, I used only hot chocolate mix to do my hot cocoa, but since a few days I try to make a real hot cocoa, and I’m trying different kind of chocolate to make them. I’m drinking my hot cocoa and in the same time I’m launching a Christmas movie of the afternoon. After the hot cocoa and during continuing to watching the Christmas movie, I’m really trying to do an activity who is no tech, a puzzle, a board game, art therapy. Just to make something who is no screen. Around 6h00 pm, I love check in Pinterest to find inspirations on different subjects. Around 6h50 pm, I get ready to eat dinner who is now usually soup. Right after, I follow by take a shower and put comfy pajamas with cozy socks and I’m going in my bed watching some videos or watch parties of Disneyland Paris. At 8h45 pm, I put oil essentials and get ready to go really in bed and watching Christmas movies of the night. I usually turn off the tv around 11h00 pm. Or keep it all night, depending of my mental health, and if I’m able to sleep or not. Of course, not all days look like that during this lockdown, some days I wake up only at 11h00 am and I’m able to do nothing of the day. It’s depending of my symptoms related to my C-PTSD usually. Right! But a day like that is the most productive kind of day that I can to have during this new Winter lockdown. Thanks for stopping by!  

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Lockdown Thoughts: Dark Times Lead To Happiness?

Lockdown number 2, Day 06. Lately since the beginning of this new lockdown and Disneyland Paris second closure, I’m experimenting a lot of different emotions and feelings. Currently, the most powerful is heartbreaking to see the park closing a second time during months. A few days ago, the Disneyland Paris president has shared a few words about the heartbreaking of this new closure and hopeful words for the future on his Instagram account. Read his message brings me good in my mind. I have again a lot more of emotions to explore but on another side when I was remembering some of my days in the park over the last year I realized something. I have often had some rainy days, welcome Paris weather, in the park but these rainy days were not necessarily the worst days. I was often exhausted and soaked, particularly when it was rainy all day, be outside all day in the rain is exhausting. But finally, when I was back in the hotel room and with dry clothes, I realize that this exhausting rainy day was amazing, and I ended the day with a feeling of happiness that I could maybe not have on a sunny day. Ok, except when the weather cancel the parade, but usually it’s not the rain, the parade happens often under the rain but it’s rather the wind who can cancel it when it’s too powerful, like my experience during my February’s trip this year. When I’m thinking about the ski season and my favorite days are not the beautiful sunny days, I love more the snowing foggy days, the snowflakes, the fresh powder, the difficult to ski in the fog, at the end of a ski session like that I’m exhausted but I have so much happiness in my heart. My favorite ski day of the past ski season is the last day on my ski trip in January. I was totally exhausted and completely soaked after to have skied under a heavy snow falling down during two hours in the afternoon, but I had so much happiness during and after this ski session. And it’s my favorite ski day of all the season. Right! Ok! Rainy days, snowing and foggy days are often considered by peoples like a dark, bad, not happy weather. But rainy days at Disneyland Paris can give me happiness, snowing and foggy days on the slopes are my favorites and give me so much happiness. Can dark times in life lead to happiness? I’m thinking and ask me a lot this question right now. Dark times, dark days are very particularly hard when you have a mental health trouble like depression and C-PTSD. You see no hope, you enjoy anything. It’s a time that I’m currently in it since March and again more particularly lately with this new lockdown and Disneyland Paris closure again. But can this dark time lead to something who bring me happiness? I’m currently exhausted like in the middle of a rainy day at Disneyland Paris but one day could I feel happiness like at the end of the rainy days at Disneyland Paris? I don’t know really! But I want to meditate on this during these times in France and I wanted to document these thoughts in a post. Thanks for stopping by!  

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November Lockdown Survival To Do

Lockdown number 2, Day 2. In reality, is November an amazing month to be lockdown at home? Cozy at home during watching Christmas movies and that it’s cold outside. It’s could be! But not really when you’re in a lockdown because of the French government. This new lockdown in France, take down the Christmas season, in more of canceled the Christmas season at Disneyland Paris, we can’t take a car ride in a next city to watch the Christmas lights at night because we can’t go more than 1 km from your house and you need an attestation. Right! It’s not! At this moment, the lockdown is until December 1, but could be extended if the situation need it. Three days after the closure of Disneyland Paris, I feel always heartbreaking, not that I have some trips canceled but really that the park has to close again a second time during months. I imagine the doors closed, I imagine the park empty, without music,… It’s heartbreaking to imagine that a second time after the first four months closure already this year. Disneyland Paris is closed until February 12, 2021, maybe an opening Christmas holiday window from December 19, to January 3, but only if the situation permits it and the governmental decisions. But I decided right now do not imagine until this February 12, 2021 and just take this November lockdown month. Well! I have done a to do list of things that I want to do and who could help maybe to survive to my trips canceled at Disneyland Paris in November and December. Note to myself for survive mentally. It’s maybe heartbreaking to see Disneyland Paris closed again and the Christmas season canceled but it’s maybe better for this year with the virus. During these months, the weather is cold over Disneyland Paris and you need to get dressed more with big scarf, boonies and gloves. Right! If until October it was ok to fight the virus with the social distances, hand sanitizers,… I realized that during this Winter in the park it’s could have be harder. How put hand sanitizers on your gloves? Well! You put hand sanitizers on your hands but in the Winter context in Disneyland Paris you touch everything with your gloves and the virus could stay on your gloves and not your hands. And wash your gloves every hour or even every night and change them every day on a multiple days trip in the park, it’s impossible. Despite the amazing safety measures in the park, it’s could have be harder in the place from Disneyland Paris to stay safe against the virus in this season. Particularly with the numbers of cases who increase daily. It’s maybe better than this season has been canceled for guests and Disneyland Paris themself to have not problems with the government because of the weather Winter clothes who are in more my favorite clothes, it’s heartbreaking but maybe better. Let see maybe for the Christmas holiday window. But! Right!  Excuse me for the place the Christmas decor before November 10, and watching hundred Christmas movies if you don’t like to hear about Christmas early but I’m in a lockdown and I was supposed to discover and starting to live the Christmas season at Disneyland Paris on November 7. Right! Ok! I took millions of photos during my trips these pas months at Disneyland Paris that I haven’t again finished to edit and I need to create my photo books also. Check out the Disneyland Paris 2020 Vol 1 photo book here. Right! I have a very lot of work about them and I have my summer vacation photo book that I haven’t again created. I haven’t had the time. About photography always, I wanted to create myself a photography website since weeks but I haven’t had the time. It’s maybe a time to do that! Lockdown at home. Right! It’s a time to working on house projects and make me more cozy and hygge to feel better in this lockdown. Always in my heart and to feel better mentally is watching daily videos from Disneyland Paris. Create Christmas gifts list because it’s the time and I haven’t again started. November To Do list version lockdown. Thanks for stopping by!  

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10 Things I’m Grateful Right Now

Lockdown number 2, Day 1. With the current right now situation between the second lockdown in France and Disneyland Paris closed until February 12, 2021. Maybe an opening window during Christmas holiday in France between December 19 and January 3 but it’s depending of the situation about the Coronavirus and governmental decisions. I have two trips who got canceled while I needed them for my depression and I don’t know if I could go back this year again at the park. If Disneyland Paris can opens during the window of the Christmas holiday, I will trying to go but I don’t know and have any ideas at this moment. In reality why Disneyland Paris has chosen the date of February 12, 2021 while that the lockdown is until December 1 at this moment (but can be extended) to re-opening (outside of the Christmas holiday window if the situation permits it), it’s because, January is the usually a very low attendance month in normal time and on February 13, 2021 some winter school holidays could start for two weeks. I think in this way they just decided to re-opening at some school holidays in France for the attendance. The attendance was pretty hard since the re-opening without strangers, except for the two last weeks where there had two weeks of school holiday in France. I admit that this is the reason of their choice of this date out of the fact of the lockdown. And if it’s better financially in this crisis for them, I’m feel ok with this! Disneyland Paris has first closed on March 16, 2020 and have finally re-opened on July 15, 2020 to finally closing again on October 29, 2020. Since the re-opening I have been able to go a few times and in total 15 days. That’s crazy like even! And it’s a bit crazy to have been during this pandemic, it’s crazy and sad to see the difference between before the first closure and after July. And it’s heartbreaking to see the park closing again! No other word that heartbreaking! I follow from before the Coronavirus, passing by the first closure to living the first re-opening in some particularly safety measures and now the re-closing. And if I’m surviving mentally, I hope follow Disneyland Paris in this new hard stage. Disneyland Paris brings me so much good on my mental health over the last year and for this reason I want to keep support them in a situation who is not caused by them. I know that a lot of Disneyland Paris annual pass holders do not want to renew their annual pass because before this re-closing, Disneyland Paris has deleted a lot of advantages including in them because of financial issues and safety measures. But I don’t want to do that! Disneyland Paris is blocked because of the French government and it’s heartbreaking to see it closing again and see my trips canceled but I feel totally heartbreaking for the direction of Disneyland Paris to have to close again. It’s sad and heartbreaking! Disneyland Paris has done amazingly a first re-opening on July 15, despite the safety measures, and all along and since this day they have adapted their operations depending of the French government (who these last weeks started to place more and more restrictions of the fact that this second wave increased daily), in the same time that trying to keep this magical Disney parks experience and let real it’s not easy with the safety measures. They have worked so good! For me, the park without parades and shows was really hard but that’s not their fault, it’s currently totally impossible to make a parade with social distance and the virus circulation. But they have adapted some mini-parades. And the Halloween Festival adapted was amazing. They have even took outside some floats for the first time since March. I don’t even talk about the safety measures, from mask all the time, hand sanitizers, social distance stickers and plexiglass. Disneyland Paris has been the place where I felt the more safe outside related to the Coronavirus. Even if today Disneyland Paris has to close again, I lived (differently but lived) some crazy, emotional and good memories during these three and a half months of re-opening. I loved the experience and wear a mask 10 hours by day in the park has becoming something normal (I can’t believe to say that with my anxiety) and put hand sanitizers after each attraction or something public I touched is becoming a reflex and who at any moment comes troubles my days. Right! Despite this new parks closure, I want to reflect on these amazing and special memories I lived during these three months. This special situation is hard but I don’t want to forget these memories and I want to continue supporting Disneyland Paris who are not responsible of this situation. Even if it’s hard I decided to try staying a bit positive and writing 10 things that I’m grateful that I lived during these months from my presence at the soft-reopening on July 13, to my last day on October 12, before that the park close again on October 29. Going in a Disney park during Covid is special and I don’t recommend you if you considering to go in a park who is again opens (not Disneyland Paris, insert a sad face), if it’s a life time trip. But it’s an experience to see the adaptation of the park when you are a regular guest. And I can that congratulations Disneyland Paris. When Disneyland Paris could be back in normal operations like before the pandemic, I want to look back on these memories like a very special experience that I lived but not necessarily like a bad one. I want to keep this time and memories. Right! Below I’m sharing 10 things that I’m grateful that I lived at Disneyland Paris these past months in the first re-opening.   1. SOFT OPENING DAY Disneyland

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France Under Lockdown & Disneyland Paris Closed

Last night at 08h00 pm the French president has done a speech who place the France under a second lockdown after the first time under a strict lockdown between March and May. The second wave of the Coronavirus currently hits hard the France and all the European Countries. And here we are in a second lockdown who starts today at mid-night. Until at this moment, December 1. But it’s could be longer depending of the evolving situation. That’s means one thing for me. Disneyland Paris has to re-close a second time. It’s heartbreaking!!! Disneyland Paris could re-close from tonight until February 12, 2021. I have my November and December trips who got canceled with this new lockdown. I needed it for my mental health because my depression currently hits me hard. But in reel, it’s not that my trips got canceled who makes me the more sad. It’s for the direction of Disneyland Paris and the president Natasha Rafalski who has to close a second time, after to have already closed four months this year his parks, it’s again four others months until next year. It’s heartbreaking for her and the direction of Disneyland Paris who must take this decision again. The direction of Disneyland Paris has already took many tough decisions since the re-opening by stopping some services and much more because of financial issues because of the miss of frequentation since the re-opening because Disneyland Paris works a lot with the strangers (Uk, Germany, Spain,…) and there is had not a lot since the re-opening because of the quarantine that countries ask. Right! When I recently register my days in the parks reservation for my trips in November and December, for the first time since the re-opening, I saw a lot of days complete to register. This is the first since the re-opening that I’m sawing so much days complete for the Christmas season. The frequentation was better! Now, Disneyland Paris has to close because of a second lockdown. The Christmas season would have started on November 7, I had to be in the park on November 6. But now, the park could have to close four others months. Eventually opens during the Christmas holiday in France from December 19, to January 3, if the situation and gouvernment permits it. But I have had nothing of planned during this time. The hardest thing for me right now! If you read me since awhile and since the first lockdown and Disneyland Paris first re-opening on July 15. You know that the hardest part for me was that there is no parades and shows back again because of the social distance rule. Right! I took weeks, months to finally accept the park in this currently new way at the moment, I accepted that the parade could be probably not back this year. I took a long time to accept it. During my trip in October for the Halloween season, I totally accepted it because Disneyland Paris has done many amazing things despite the no parades and shows, it was really cool to see how they have worked hard to propose what they have proposed and I was so excited to discover the Christmas season and how they have worked on it. Now, mentally it’s hard because I worked so hard mentally to accept the fact that there is no parades again and experimented the seasons in a new way. I worked during weeks, months on this and the positive side that this new experiences in the parks at the moment could gives me. It’s the hardest part that I can’t discover the Christmas season in this special way they have planned for this year, now that I accept to live the things a little differently in the park. It’s the hardest part! I feel like it’s useless to be positive and trying to work to be more positive in life. I finally managed to be positive on the different experiences in the park this year (even if I always miss so much the parades and shows) but finally when I managed to be positive all is down. Right! How am I supposed to feel, in the mean time that I was these last days in depression? All my heart is for the direction of Disneyland Paris and the cast members who are back in Chomage Partiel. It’s so heartbreaking to see the park re-close! I have already done three trips since the reopening, plus the day of soft-opening before the first re-opening on July, in totally, 15 days. Every single day, I felt safe related to the Coronavirus, the safety measures are exceptionally amazing. The biggest congratulations to Disneyland Paris because I feel safe anywhere else because of the Coronavirus, even not taking a simple bike ride in the forest. Mask, hand sanitizers, big social distances stickers, plexiglass, I felt safe and I’m back of any of these trips with the Coronavirus. Well done Disneyland Paris! I want to thanks all the cast members who have worked so hard to makes Disneyland Paris the most magical experiences despite the safety measures, they have adapted the meet and greet Characters, and more entertainment with the safety measures. It’s absolutely amazing! And more particularly recently the Halloween season. I want to thanks all the cast members in the parks who make respected the maximum the mask and social distances rules who is not an easy work everyday. I want to give a big thanks also to the cast members playing the Characters, since the first day of the re-opening they have an enormous energy in their acts and guests interactions at distances, even during my trips in August where it was 40 degrees Celsius under a heat wave. Thank you! You are terribly amazing and given so much magic despite the current safety circumstances these past three months. On my side, I can’t tell that I miss of trips at Disneyland Paris this year, February, March, July, August, September, October. I

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Celebrate The Victories

I have often saw on Instagram some quotes about the importance to celebrate the victories and THE SMALL also. Celebrate the victories small or big are not something that I was doing. I don’t know! I’m not able to do something during 10 years but when I’m finally manage to do it it’s like if it was not since all these times that I was not able to do it. And I’m passing to what is next without really stopping to appreciate or even REALIZE what I have done. I don’t know why! I’m working like that! These past months has been special in different ways and particularly hard on my mental health between my C-PTSD and falling down in depression again since the lockdown. The motivation and victories are really hard to make and even if I have done some victories, I noticed them again less than usually. Falling in depression more and more, I was looking again more on positive quotes to try keep going and celebrate the victories was something that I was seeing again and again. After a few thoughts, I told myself that it was maybe something to try. Not for more motivation, not for maybe make more victories that I’m not able at the moment. It’s rather in the way to stop and realize on the victories that I’m doing. Like told above, I often don’t realize when I’m doing something even of big, once that I managed to do it even if it’s related to my social anxiety, I have done it and it’s like if it was normal and I don’t stop on it even a few minutes even if it’s a really big victories like the first time that I have done a first phone call and FaceTime with my psychiatrist this summer, a thing that I was not able to do since 10 years because of my social anxiety. BUT HOW CELEBRATE THE VICTORIES Like it’s something that I never done, I didn’t know how to celebrate the victories. Well! I was looking on Pinterest on what way I could to celebrate the victories and something who could works for me and during I challenged my mind if it was something to do because I didn’t see the interest really. After a few weeks to looking, I finally found a system who could maybe works for me. The idea, write down on a ticket what is the victory and write down a number between 1-5 for tell if it was a SMALL or BIG victory and place it in a jar. On a side, I create a reward list and I could pick one thing inside it when I placed a victory ticket in the jar. Well! There is a lot of different things on the list with different prices and the idea is if it’s a small victory, take a thing on the list with a small price and if it’s a big victory take a thing with a bigger price. Ok! Currently, nothing is bigger than 100€ on my list. It’s exploring a new way on myself also. Buy some things, whatever it is (clothes, tech,…) is not something that I love to do, not only about money but I don’t like buy stuffs, I prefer place my money on my Disneyland Paris trips currently. That’s my goal! I can buying nothing else really in one all month. I have a few things small or big that I could love to buy, some times it’s since months but I finally never buy them, because in one side of my head, I told me that I haven’t really need of these stuffs. Maybe I need, maybe I do not need?! Right! I’m not a buyer but why not buy a few small things sometimes. Of course, it’s could be some things that I love or that I wanted for one reason and the best is that this reason is useful. But why not buy a few things even if they do not have the best utility in my life but who could spark me joy and I could use them. This is rule! That I could use them and more than once, it’s a nightmare for me to buy something that I couldn’t use it or only once. I decided to try to put these two things in one. Celebrate the victories by picking up something on the list that I wanted but that I never buy before. Seriously, some times I don’t know really why I’m doing that because I have always a really hard time to stop on the victories that I’m doing. Right! This system is here only since a few weeks also. But I’m trying to notice, stop and realize the victories small or big that I’m doing and that I don’t notice. It’s not motivating me more, it’s not make me more happy! But I take it like a self care project and to stop and realize on what I do and progress on my mental health. That is it! Do you celebrate your victories? What way to use to reward you? Thanks for stopping by!  

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Disneyland Paris Diary • October 2020

I’m back home from my Halloween season trip at Disneyland Paris. This trip has something of special first because I was there six days. This is the first time that I stay so long at Disneyland Paris and it was also the first time that I travel in solo so long. That’s a bit crazy! I don’t know if it’s because I enjoyed to going in solo so long but since I’m back home, I have the feeling that I’m stayed only three days and not six days. A bit crazy yes! Since the end of September, it’s Halloween season at Disneyland Paris. Halloween season is not my favorite but I think it’s like a special season because this is the first season since the reopening of the park. HALLOWEEN EXPERIENCE This Halloween season was of course different that Halloween season last year but I refuse to compare them because it’s not comparable with the current safety measures. Disneyland Paris has done an awesome works to make Halloween spirit in all the park despite the safety measures. The first thing they have done, it’s placing much more Halloween decor everywhere than last year, I discovered a lot of new Halloween decor that I haven’t saw last year. Now, side entertainment like parades and shows are not possible again with the safety measures, they done mini-entertainments along the days, A LOT! And that’s really cool because it’s what I missed the more, more entertainments. It’s a pretty complicated task with the safety measures but they have managed to do an awesome works. And if I miss so much always the parades and shows, it was really cool what I saw and I loved it. Any entertainments has official hours to do not make crowded places because of social distance. But something else happened every 30 minutes during the day around the park. Floats from the Halloween parade who ride the parade route one by one at different hours, Ursula performances on Castle stage, Maleficent in Castle courtyard, pumpkins mens/womens in Frontierland in the morning and more entertainments on the parade route with princesses, Mickey and Friends. Mickey, Minnie, Chip, Dale, Pluto and Goofy are always waving “Good Morning” at guests at the top from the Main Street USA station from the Extra Magic Time until 11h30 am in Halloween costumes with Halloween music in the park and Mickey and Minnie are waving “Good Night” at park closure. All that is not equal to a real full season in normal time but for this season it was really cool and with much more life in the park than in August or September. I loved with the current measures. THE BIGGEST HIGHLIGHT of my trip was to see again some floats. I miss so much the parades and even if it was not some complete parades, see some floats ride the parade route again one by one at different hours to avoid crowd give me all the tears. It was so emotional! On October 7, it’s the first float that I saw since March 9, and it means a lot to me. MENTAL HEALTH Unfortunately, despite my biggest happiness to see some floats and so much more life in the park, my mental health was pretty difficult to manage, between different emotions, my flashbacks, my depression, my lack of sleep since one month and I have the feeling that I was not able to completely embrace the present moment and it’s hard to manage mentally probably because of my feeling of emptiness who started a few days before going the trip. On my mental health this trip was complicated! This trip has had so much more than the previous since the reopening therapeutic effects on my flashbacks but unfortunately when my brain realized that my flashbacks were calm, they were fastly go back, it was like if I haven’t had the right to have some moments of calm in my flashbacks. Complicated mentally! But Disneyland Paris has done an awesome works for bring back a season with the safety measures. Let’s sharing my days!   DAY 1 This trip has started very special after a wake up at 4h15 am and take my first train at 05h45 am because for the first time since March, my TGV was able to take back the high speed line. In March, a TGV has derailed on the TGV line that I take to go at Disneyland Paris, it was the day before that I took it for going on my trip in March. It was crazy! I was so grateful because my TGV has not been canceled but I had only 35 minutes of delay, this trip was in more the last trip before the closure. It was crazy! Since this time and since the reopening of the park, I could take the TGV line but the TGV had to take a different no high speed track and the train journey was longer. Now, since a few days the high speed line is back and this morning it was the first time that I take it. The journey was shorted and it feel it. It was good! I’m arrived at 10h00 am, I left the luggage at the locker and I headed in the park with another important note because this trip was my last trip with my first annual pass. I stopped to watch the gang on Main Street USA station and I loved Mickey and Minnie Halloween costumes, these ones was the first time that I saw them, I take a stroll to look on the decor on Main Street USA and like first attraction on this Halloween trip, I have done Phantom Manor. I followed by Pirates Of The Caribbean. I spend most of the afternoon (every afternoon of all the trip) to waiting to watch the floats and entertainments on the parade route. It’s pretty complicated because you do not know exactly when they are coming outside but about once by hour

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Travel Journaling

Since the beginning of the year I searched a way to document my trips and particularly the little details. I use already photo books to print my trips photos with writing a few details inside but they are particularly the big lines, in the photo books I don’t like write a lot, I prefer let the photos talk. Right! I have this way to document my trips but I was looking for something else to write more little details. On this side, I generally document my trips over my blog here but I was looking for something else. Why I was looking for a way to document the little details? Because I noticed that these details makes the difference when I remember my trips and I love looking back on these details. In the beginning, I was looking maybe drawing also to document my trips but it was not my thing. I finally go back on writing these details. In the first months of the year, I had a hard time to find how I want to document these trips, after there had the lockdown and during this lockdown I tried to concentrate me to find by remember my recent past trips how I could love to document these details. I searched during months! Before finally find and launched me in the travel journal. I started this travel journal project during the lockdown, it was a good way to occupate myself and I started by document my first trip this year. But before that it was a challenge again when I found that I wanted trying travel journaling. The challenge was what I want to do and write exactly on it. It was such challenging find that! I was looking during hours on Pinterest for find ideas. But I wanted that it’s keep simple and maybe make the same schema at each trips because this travel journal was a complement from photo books and sharing my trips on my blog. But I wanted to add this complement. Right! I finally looking on some prompts inspirations. And I have keep three special prompts. In this travel journal, I decided to keep and document the little details who are the best. I don’t wanted to keep the bad and I document them on my blog the bad ones in general. I wanted the challenge of this travel journal keep and writing them the best little details who make the day of each trips the best. And working on the positive side! Who is a rough challenge for me! I decided to document day by day and working on these three prompts. I have also a little section notes if I want to add a few more details. WHAT MADE YOU FEEL CALM TODAY? WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR? WHAT WERE THREE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY? Right now! I feel pretty good with this schema that I found but I’m dealing with another trouble. Write in this travel journal at the end of each day in my trips or when I’m back home. I’m currently dealing a lot with that because in more I started this travel journal during the lockdown where I was writing and remembering my past trips in first this year. It’s give me the tendency to write on it calmly when I’m back home but I’m not totally sure that it’s the best way. I wanted to make more when I’m back home also because at the end of each day, I’m more occupy to organize and editing some photos and I haven’t a lot of times to write in a journal again. But I’m not sure that it’s the best way, right I’m trying different ways to find the one who works with me. Currently: on the work! Do you use travel journal or love journaling simply? What are your favorite things to write in it? Thanks for stopping by!  

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Life Lately • September 2020

Back with a life lately after to have took a break in this series post during the summer. I haven’t so much to talk about because most of the time it was again a hard month on my mental health. In the beginning of the month, I refused the offer of my psychiatrist to do a FaceTime appointment because I haven’t so much to talk about or always that I’m feel bad for the same things. I bought me new coloring books for this fall and I worked during one week on the editing of my last video. I loved this time! The biggest part of this month, the temperatures were extremely hot again but with a little fall feeling in the air. I tried to spend eat the meals that I eat outside. A few days ago, the temperatures has extremely down in one day and it was rainy, it wakes up my tendinitis pain in my hands this fast temperatures switching. It was hard because I was able to do nothing physically but I’m not mad about these temperatures now. The best! These temperatures switched in one day, over the past weekend there is the very first snowflakes of the season in the Alps, it was crazy for September, many snow cm was there. The next day after, the first snowflakes in the ski resort near of my house (where I’m skiing most of the season) were here also, it was crazy to watch the webcam and to see the ground white. Of course, it’s not again the start of the ski season and the snow is already gone but it was so good for my mental health to see that. I waited these first snowflakes since the last ones in February. It was magical, watching it through the webcam! And for the first time since months, I felt a little feeling of happiness. A few days ago, I placed out a few fall decor. And I got an another project since a long time for a board wall. I haven’t a lot of things hanged on my wall and I do not want a lot but I wanted to do a board where I can put a few things that I’m in love with like photos and a few more. I bought a board on IKEA and after a few days to working on it I finally accomplished this project. That wraps this September month life lately! Thanks for stopping by!  

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It’s Not A Place To Forget, It’s A Place To Learn

Often called the happiest place on the world or a place where you can forget all your problems. It’s makes me angry particularly when peoples call it like the place where you can forget all your problems. Because that’s not my case. I’m not going at Disneyland Paris frequently to forget my problems because believe me when you have C-PTSD and depression or again social anxiety, going at Disneyland Paris doesn’t makes me forget all these troubles. IT’S NOT A PLACE TO FORGET, IT’S A PLACE TO LEARN I shared it in the travel diary of my September trip that this month one year ago marked something of special because it’s in September last year that I started to consider Disneyland Paris like a therapy place and where I was back going every month except January until the lockdown. I can’t believe that it’s one year ago that I have done my first overnights solo trip at Disneyland Paris and I can’t believe that I was back so many times. Me who was all the time lay down in my bed depressed and wanted to go anywhere, I found Disneyland Paris and I have learning so much things in only one year and despite the current difficult times. I forget nothing of my problems when I’m at Disneyland Paris, be at Disneyland Paris makes me reduce my flashbacks but I do not forget them, I can’t, something can always makes them pop up and until now with the current difficult situation my trips are less therapeutic than before the lockdown on this way, I have a lot of flashbacks even at Disneyland Paris. It’s pretty hard and a challenge! Going at Disneyland Paris, I learned so much about myself, before I had no want in life, I haven’t really of identity, I was lost in this world in depression with my mental health without know what to do and without to have something to want to do. Each trip, after each trip that I discovered and experimented in solo Disneyland Paris, I have learned new things and progressed on some things. But right now, the hardest part of the current situation, like my trips are less therapeutic on my flashbacks and I felt like all my progress from my trips before the lockdown were lost. Despite this feeling, I just learned that the current situation is hard in the park without parades and shows but I realized some dreams that I got before the lockdown but not was able to realized them in the park situation before the lockdown. I wish that the parades and shows are back fast but in waiting I realized some dreams like even. In this hard situation, and after months to fall in depression a little more each day, I finally switched to a bit of positive in my mind. Halloween and Christmas seasons could be different that I have experimented them last year, but now I’m excited and anxious too to see how it could be even if it’s without real big parades and shows, I have a few hopes to see some things that Disneyland Paris could do and who could match with the current safety measures, to see. But if a few weeks ago, I was afraid that Halloween and Christmas seasons could be totally different, I’m less now and I’m excited to see and at the occasion I’m excited to experiment the seasons differently. Ok! To be honest in the hard days where I miss so much the parades, I haven’t all the time this mindset but I have it some times and I think to be able to have it and working on it, it’s my biggest progress since March. I will not writing every things that I learned since these trips at Disneyland Paris, (I did it in email to my psychiatrist during the lockdown, the email was so long) they are so much, there is some little, some big, a few months ago I already shared on a few things how Disneyland Paris improved my mental health here. In a small recap, my biggest things are learn to working to try manage differently my C-PTSD, learn to feel myself better in a social world with my social anxiety and currently learn to increase slowly my self-confidence who was at the level zero, continuing constantly by launching myself in new projects. I learned so much about myself and about my passion of photography and making videos, it’s another side again and there is many other sides. Right! It’s makes me really angry and mad when I saw a Disney Instagrammer sharing a photo with like caption, I wish to be at Disneyland for forget my problems and the world around me. Going at Disneyland it’s not a place to forget my problems, when I saw all the things that I learned during my trips at Disneyland Paris, the hardest part during the closure of the park was do not could to go back to learn new things and make new progress. Apparently now, they are different than before the lockdown a bit and harder to make, but I try to going back slowly and keep the mindset that it’s a gentle back after so much months when my mental health getting worse each day since the lockdown and like the situation is not the same than before the lockdown and we are always in the middle of a pandemic. I try to keep slowly and I feel at the occasion that I could manage better after each trip even if my favorite things without not back again. I wish so much for them. But I’m currently in the hard work process to enjoy the dreams that I got before the lockdown who were a little hidden in myself because before I could not realized them and the situation permits me to work on them now. Looking for me in the next months?! I could be working on this and I

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Disneyland Paris Diary • September 2020

Last week, I’m back from my September trip at Disneyland Paris, I was there from Wednesday 9, to Friday 11. Right! It was the perfect week to make an of my dream comes true, watching sunset. Of the many trips that I have already done at Disneyland Paris, I have never been able to watch a real sunset just because the weather doesn’t permitted me, even if it was sunshine in the day, it was cloudy in the night and I have never saw a sunset behind the Castle. After one year of dream of this, it finally happened, it made my trip. It was also the perfect week for another reason, since his reopens Disneyland Paris closed at 08h00 pm and this closing hour doesn’t permits to see the Castle at night. This past week was just the week for it between sunset hours and because since this week Disneyland Paris has shortened her hours again and the park closes at 06h00 pm now. It’s sad! And could to have watch the Castle at night for the first time since March even without the night show, was a show. It was the best part of my trip! I’m so grateful to have booked this week in September because I booked it before that Disneyland Paris announced shortened her hours. The frequentation at Disneyland Paris is pretty hard since that French peoples has been back to school since the beginning of September. Usually, at this time it’s the international peoples who take place in the park. But the Seine et Marne where is placed Disneyland Paris has been recently placed in red zone for a high circulation of the virus and a lot of country like UK, Belgium, Germany, and more ask to peoples a quarantine when they are back of a red zone from France. I’m so sad that Disneyland Paris is in this zone because it’s next to Paris and Paris is high in population so high in circulation of the virus but because the safety rules at Disneyland Paris are extremely stricts and seriously, cast members are always here to make respected the mask rule. It makes me sad for the frequentation that Disneyland Paris is in red zone imposing quarantine at all countries around the France because it’s probably the most safe place of France and where the safety rules are the most respected. Disneyland Paris is so seriously in the current safety measures that after to have tried but decided do not take risks. They have definitely canceled the two first shows who has and been supposed to start back in August for The Lion King and Jungle Festival. I was supposed to could watch two shows going on this trip in September but finally I saw anyone. If you have read the diary of my trip in August, you know that my trip last month was pretty hard because no therapeutic on my flashbacks. This one was better, it was always pretty hard and not as much as therapeutic than the previous that I have done before the lockdown because it miss me the life of the parades/shows in the park but this trip was twice better than this in August. I had a lot but less of flashbacks like even. Oh! And I told an of my dream that I got since one year comes true, watching sunset. And could see the Castle at night for the first time since the reopening was so emotional. It was amazing! I miss always so much the fact that there no parades and shows but these two things made my trip magical. And for this month I try to stay on this positive note. Right! This trip, this month marks also a special date. It’s one year ago in September last year that I have done my first overnights trip at Disneyland Paris and it’s particularly after this trip that I found Disneyland Paris like a therapy place and I decided to get back monthly. When in September last year, I set the goal to go back monthly until the end of the 2019 year, I can’t believe always today when I think that I have done it. Despite the four months closure during this past year and the current difficult time, Disneyland Paris brings me so much good on different sides. The current situation is hard, the no parades and shows situation is really hard for me but in real I have no doubt that Disneyland Paris could be therapeutic during the next months. I really hope that the parades and shows could be back fast but in waiting I just realized that I have checked off some things that I dreamed to do at Disneyland Paris and that I probably could not have done if the current situation couldn’t be like that. Right! That’s the conclusion! Let’s sharing my days in the parks now!   DAY 1 Wake up at 04h15 am to take my first train at 05h45 am and my TGV connection at 07h00 am to arrive at Marne La Vallée at 10h00 am. I left the luggage in the locker at the gare station and headed in the park. The welcome from Mickey and friends at the Main Street USA gare station under the music of the reopening. I stayed a time to enjoy this moment and to take photos. First attraction, I have done It’s A Small World, next Peter Pan’s Flight and Pirates Of The Caribbean and take my sandwich lunch with a view on the Castle and a mini-cavalcade who passing. Around 12h00 pm, I took the way of the Walt Disney Studios park to do Ratatouille and Stitch Live. It was the first time that I’m doing Stitch Live, it was cool and fun. And living in some squares for social distance.   Around 01h30 pm, I picked up my luggage at the gare station and go check-in the hotel room. Around 03h00 pm, I left

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Hygge At Disneyland Paris

Well! Doing a few little things who could help me to going out of my current depression mood. The weather is starting to cool down slowly and it’s perfect time to brings more hygge moments. Just because hygge moments are a good therapy for my depression side or even my flashbacks. Because I’m currently crying, recently Disneyland Paris has announced what could be made in the Halloween season this year and of course there is no parades and shows. I’m so depressed! Right! There could have some surprises on the parade route. I’m excited to see what it is! I hope this is some good surprises and that even if there is no reel parade they could comes out some floats on the route. Hoping just for some floats if the reel parade can’t be back again. I miss looking on some floats and the life who bring at the park so much. Well! I could not again living my days full of shows like I love at Disneyland Paris. Right! I thought in what way I could make some things in waiting that parades and shows could be back. With the fall and winter seasons who are coming, I was of reflections one day how I could practice more hygge at Disneyland Paris. There no really need of hygge moments in one of my day when I’m at Disneyland Paris usually. But with the current situation and that I haven’t access to my favorite things. Well! Why not! To concentrate me to practice more hygge at Disneyland Paris. Ok! I decided to write down a list of the little things who brings me hygge moments during my trips last fall and winter. And I could try with the current different circumstances makes them happens or adapt them a bit. Hygge definition: A calm, comfortable time and enjoy the little things. DRINK A HOT COCOA IN WAITING THE PARADE. Well! This is a very simple hygge moment, drinking a hot cocoa during waiting the parade. A best way to get warm when it’s cold outside and you are waiting in the cold. DRINK A HOT COCOA AT CAFE FANTASIA. The most cozy place to get a hot cocoa inside. This place is so cozy! Currently closed with the Disneyland Hotel, reopens on December 8. BREAKFAST AT STARBUCKS. I love grab a hot cocoa in Starbucks when it’s cold outside when I rush for Extra Magic Time but sometimes I love take the time to sit in it. I rarely sit in some Starbucks in my life but I love this one, it’s cozy. WEAR A SWEETPANT AND OR SWEATSHIRT. The best thing to be comfortable all day long is to wear sweatpant and sweatshirt. It’s my clothes of choice during the cold season. It’s so much comfortable when you are walking on day long. And sit in an attraction with a sweatpant is so much comfortable than in a jeans. WATCHING A THEMED MOVIE IN WAITING THE SEASONAL PARADES. An of my favorite thing when I have done with the attractions early in the morning and I have a free time before the mid-day seasonal parades is watching a themed movie. A Halloween movie before the Halloween parade and a Christmas movie before the Christmas parade. SNACK AT VICTORIA’S HOME STYLE RESTAURANT. Victoria’s Home Style Restaurant is a thé/cafe kind of restaurant, it’s rather cozy inside and in summer they serve the best milkshake and in winter some Mickey waffles. GET IN EXTRA MAGIC TIME TO WATCH THE MORNING LIGHT. Going in the park during Extra Magic Time is an of my favorite time of the day. But during the fall and winter where the sun takes more time to get up and that it’s a sunny morning, the light is so beautiful, hard for take photos but so amazing to enjoy a cozy walk with this morning light. WATCHING CASTLE AT NIGHT. I absolutely love watching the Castle starting to sparkle in the night during waiting Disney Illuminations. But after Disney Illuminations when it’s not too too cold I love sit on the ground of Main Street USA and watching the Castle in the night during waiting that the park start to get empty. WEAR COZY SHOES. In the same time that sweatpants, get cozy in your feet. It is even a necessity when you walk around the park, all day long. PRIVILEGY LESS CROWDED TIMES TO TAKE PHOTOS. Less crowded times is privilegy by the photographer at Disneyland Paris to take photos without peoples inside. But even for take just some simple photos of the park, it’s so much more comfortable and creative to take photos around the park with less crowded places. LOOK IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN WALKING DOWN MAIN STREET USA AND WITHOUT TAKING PHOTOS. A lot of peoples when they go into the park and go down Main Street USA take some photos in the same time. The first day it’s ok! But on the second try to go down the street without your phone in the hands and during look in front of you. It’s an amazing moment! GRAB A MICKEY SHAPED COOKIES OR CUPCAKE AT BOARDWALK CANDY PALACE. If you love snack during at a Disney park, stop at Boardwalk Candy Palace on Main Street USA to grab a Mickey shaped cookies or cupcakes to take on the go. RETOUCH YOUR PHOTOS UNDER A BLANKET IN HOTEL ROOM. After a full day to walk everywhere and take photos, when you are back at the hotel, get first comfortable under a blanket and retouch you photos inside it, cozy.   This hygge moments list is written for specially Disneyland Paris park and no Disney parks like Walt Disney World because of the climat in France and the sometimes really cold winter park days at Disneyland Paris. Right! What is your favorite hygge thing during on a trip? Thanks for stopping by!  

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5 Things I Did This Summer

Well! During the summer months, I had the want to stop the monthly life lately that I do at the end of each month. I could start again at the end of September. But I had the want to document a few things that I have done this summer. Right! I will sharing five things that I did this summer. This summer has been launched with the beginning of the phase 3 of reopening the country. Here in France, we had three extremely strict lockdown months. I don’t know! Starting this summer was special. But I didn’t know what I felt exactly and seriously always I don’t know really. One thing, I was really anxious about the virus and after not be going out from the house during four months, (even for going at the shop). I haven’t take a step outside from the house and background in four months. I was pretty anxious to going outside again. And because the virus is always here. In June, I started to going outside by taking a few bike rides around the house and later in July, I have traveled the first time post-lockdown on a family beach vacation. But where I felt pretty anxious about the virus and because in the south of France, peoples doesn’t respect the mask and social distance rules. And in August, I took my first real back at Disneyland Paris and solo trip since the lockdown. Since this trip, I feel a bit less anxious to going outside. Because at Disneyland Paris, the safety rules are strict, at any time during the five days, I felt anxious about the virus even with peoples around me. The mask, social distances, hand sanitizer, since this trip, I felt less anxious to going but I’m always pretty anxious to go in a place like a shop because of the virus. The only place that I felt really safe is Disneyland Paris. This is a first big step to feel safe at least at Disneyland Paris because in the beginning of June, even before that Disneyland Paris gives his official reopening date, I didn’t know if the day when they could reopen, I could feel enough safe to going because my anxiety about the virus was at an extreme big level. During this summer we had to do some vacation switch. In first, we booked back in February for going at Biarritz in the beginning of July but our flights has been canceled because of the virus. We re-booked this vacation for the end of August and we are going at the south of France in waiting. Ok! Our trip has been again canceled for the end of August at Biarritz for the second time. Right! I’m a bit sad and angry! But in real, I feel pretty ok with this. I don’t think that I could to have enjoyed it with my anxiety of the virus. I’m feel pretty good with what I traveled during these two months, one week on a beach vacation, going for an annual pass soft reopening day at Disneyland Paris, in July, and five days at Disneyland Paris and in solo in August. I feel pretty ok about this and love that after to have been lockdown at home during four months. This week, if I wanted I could to have been again on one week vacation in the south of France with parents. But I tell no. Because in July, I felt so anxious in the south of France and I decided to let my parents going alone on this vacation. They dreamed of vacation alone since a very long time. And I know that solo vacation are good. I felt pretty good with my trips in July and August so I decided to left the go alone. Let’s time!   1. READ It’s months that I haven’t read. But before going on our summer vacation in the beginning of July, I had the want to buy one book and try to read it during the vacation. I didn’t know if I could managed. I bought the last Harry Potter book and I read it in three days. I can’t believe it! In normal time, I took three weeks to read a book. I have done it in three days this one. Since, I want to continue to read and use books. I haven’t read a big book again but I bought a few simple books and even without really reading. I love touching the book and look on the pictures. Like a minimalist, buy real books are not my favorites but touching books bring me something of good. Right! I will to see at the same time that be extra careful of what books buy to do not cluttering but I think that buy a few books could be on my list in the next months. 2. STARTED (AND FINISHED) A NEW TREATEMENT. Right! I was so bad mentally and my flashbacks were insupportable in daily life that I asked to my psychiatrist, if trying a new treatment could be made. She says yes. And recommend that I try the Mirtazapine who could be good maybe for my flashbacks. I started mid-June and if after two weeks to the four weeks, I had the feeling that it brings me something good. These past weeks, it shows me that it doesn’t help me and it has tendency to even increase my flashbacks and does not let me enjoy the present moment like during my trip at Disneyland Paris where in my diary I reported that enjoy the present moment in my trip was hard and this medication was probably a part (not all reasons) that I was not able. Well! This past week after to talk at my psychiatrist, I stopped this treatment. 3. TAKE OUT MY APPLE WATCH. What! Right! After my trip at Disneyland Paris in March, I took down my Apple Watch because put it in charge every night started

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Disneyland Paris Diary • August 2020

Yeah! My first Disneyland Paris diary post in a very long time. The last one was in March. It’s so good! Ok! I wanted to write this post last week but it’s so long that I haven’t done a Disneyland Paris diary that I wanted to take the time to write it. Right! I’m back from my first trip at Disneyland Paris since the reopening. It was also my first solo trip since March. And it was a crazy one with a lot of different emotions. I stayed five days. Five days under a heat wave. Because when I go at Disneyland Paris the weather is always a bit crazy, the last time in February it was during the Ciara storm who has touched the Europe. Now, it was during a heat wave, but not just one or two days, the five days were some heat waves. The Ile De France was in red alert temperatures for heat wave. The temperatures rise until 38 degrees Celsius two days and until 40 degrees Celsius three days. It was a bit crazy just that because in more of I don’t like the high temperatures, I feel myself bad with headaches when it’s really hot. At 08h30 am during Extra Magic Hours it was already 31 degrees Celsius and I spent a lot of down times for do not feel myself bad. And put multiple times a day sunscreen. First time wearing a mask all day, five days in the row and under 40 degrees Celsius, but in real that it was ok. And it was not the craziest thing of my trip. Because when I wanted to go check-in my hotel on the first day, I’m arrived in front of a hotel closed. I don’t know why because my reservation was confirmed but when I’m arrived the hotel was totally closed. I was in solo there, first I don’t know what to do and I finally chosen to try to go at the next hotel who was opens and of the same hotels group and that I knew already to see if I can sleep there. Fortunately, I was able and I could switch my reservation to the next hotel. But manage that and facing this situation and in solo was not easy with my social anxiety. I took a breathe but in real I don’t know how I was able to manage this situation with my social anxiety. I’m pretty impressed! About Disneyland Paris and park days, I had a lot of different emotions because of the current situation. This trip has not been so therapeutic on my flashbacks. I don’t know why! Because it was the first trip since the lockdown and it’s a gentle back into these therapeutic trips after so many months with a bad mental health or because I missed so much the parades and shows and my hearth was heavy sad about no parades, or maybe the both. I don’t know exactly. I can’t tell it was a good trip but it was like even good to be outside from the home and back into a trip at Disneyland Paris. I had less of flashbacks than at home but I had like even some flashbacks crisis and a lot. I tried to enjoy just the present to be back at Disneyland Paris. But without parades and shows it’s really hard, harder again than I could to have thought. It missed something at my days. Usually, my nights at Disneyland Paris are the only nights that I spent without nightmares but on this trip I have done some nightmares, probably the miss of watching the night time show Disney Illuminations before going at the bed. I think that I was not able to enjoy the present moments also because of the new treatment that I started mid-June and who doesn’t helps me. I think I need to stop it. It was probably the less therapeutic trip at Disneyland Paris that I have done. I try to tell myself, it’s ok. It’s a gentle back, I had already less of flashbacks than at home, it’s precious but my mental health is so bad since months that it’s hard to keep this mindset. Right! About the safety measures at Disneyland Paris, all were perfect. The safety measures are always here, there is a little more of peoples but the capacity is always limited. I was surprised how most of the peoples respected the mask rule, social distances stickers, there is always a few peoples who disrespect it but most of the peoples respected it. And the mask rule was not the easiest with 40 degrees Celsius. Disneyland Paris makes an amazing works to make respected these rules also, cast members are always here to remember to peoples who doesn’t respect the mask or who want to sit next to you in attractions. At the opening and closing times of the park, some security agents are here to help the cast members around Main Street USA and Central Plaza to make respected the rules. I’m a lot anxious about the virus usually but at Disneyland Paris I’m felt safe and in security. About entertainment, Disneyland Paris try to do a maximum with the safety measures, there is always Mickey and friends who wave you “good morning” or “good night” at opening and closing times. There is the selfie spots with characters but I did not do it. And recently, Disneyland Paris has added some kind of mini-parades. I don’t know if we can really call that a parade but a few characters desfile on the parade route randomly in the afternoon. It’s nice from Disneyland Paris to have done that. But for me, it’s doesn’t take place at the place of the big daily parade and the night time show. It’s a little beginning with the safety measures but I missed so much the parade and shows. Right! On another good note, Disneyland Paris has started the really first show since

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Favorite Calm Sessions

A few months ago, I shared about meditation and the use of this tool on anxiety, you can find my post here. Since the beginning and I already shared in my meditation post that I use the app Calm on my iPhone to practice meditation. I fall in love with this app. She’s simple, beautiful and with a lot, lot of resources. You have even the possibility to register your moods of the day, you have single or series meditation sessions, sleep stories, calm music. This is a really complete app and I do not regret to have pay 54€ in February for an annual subscription. After almost six months to use, I could explored a bit the app even if I haven’t finished because they add always new things in more. I will share my favorite sessions, sleep help. Note. There is so much more options and sessions in the app who could be maybe more personalized to you and your emotions. The follow that I share, these are my favorites who could help me in my anxiety and C-PTSD. There is also different narrators but the more present in the different meditation sessions through the app and my favorite is Tamara Levitt. When you try first the guided meditation make sure to try different narrators and voices because of experience the voice who guide you can make the difference, mostly when you are a beginner in meditation and that you have concentration trouble. Let sharing my current favorites of the app Calm!   SIMPLE AND EASY SESSIONS Simple and easy sessions, for when you are learning, starting meditation or when you have need of an emergency fast session to calm your mind during the day. These four follow sessions are my favorites. Cool Down with James and Calm Your Worries with Percy. These two sessions are some really little fun ones, you can follow the adventures of a little train who need to calm some of his emotions and calm your in the same times. This is really some fun little sessions to follow. Take 90. Take 90 is a session of 90 seconds to calm down. This is a really fast one when you need to calm down your anger and you haven’t a lot of times in front of you. Emergency Calm. I love this emergency calm session, you can use a timer of different times but my favorite to use is the 10 minutes one, perfect session to calm down and breathe when you feel overwhelmed.   DAILY SERIES Daily series are some sessions guided or no perfect to practice daily and on the long term or again I love the 7 Days or 21 Days series who every day help you and learn you something. Here are some of my favorites. Calming Anxiety. Calming anxiety is the perfect guided meditation if you suffer of anxiety. You can chose a meditation session of 3, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 or 30 minutes. My favorites are the 15 and 20 minutes sessions. It’s a perfect to calm the tension of anxiety in your mind and body. Timed Meditation. Timed meditation is a no-guided meditation, here again you have a large choice of time because you can choice a meditation session from 1 minute to 8 hours. With a slow music in background, it’s rather a session when you have practiced meditation since a time and that your mind is capable to meditate without help and accompany. 21 Days of Calm. 21 Days of calm is a session to practice mindfulness during a 21 days series session, every day you could learn and practice mindfulness and brings some calm in your daily life. 7 Days of Happiness. 7 Days of happiness is a good series session who could help and learn you how to let entry more happiness in the daily life.   SLEEP TIMES Troubles to fall asleep, in more of could practice meditation during the day, from sleep meditations to sleep stories, the app Calm has also a lot of tools to help you fall asleep more calm and better. Here are a few of my favorites. Deep Sleep. Deep sleep is a meditation sleep to let you going into sleep. Perfect if you have trouble to fall asleep. I love using the 30 minutes session. Before I took one and a half hours to fall asleep, since that I use this session almost every night, I take from 30 to 45 minutes to fall asleep. Sleep Rhythm Kumbhaka. I find this sleep rhythm meditation rather the same than Deep Sleep but this one is my current favorite at night. Because in the music background there is some rhythms percussions music who make me think at the shows of The Lion King and Jungle Festival at Disneyland Paris. Right! I wanted to place in this post! The Little Mermaid and The Ocean Moon. If you prefer a sleep storie than a sleep meditation to fall asleep. No problem! The app Calm propose a large choice of sleep stories and read by different voices and narrators.   RELAX MUSIC Just need of a little of music to relax, the app Calm has a large but very large choice of music to take a relax break. Here are a few of my favorites. Disney Peaceful Piano. I was in love when only a few weeks ago, I opened the app and saw this new Disney peaceful piano music, inside there is some of the Disney classics played in piano. Love this! Soothing Piano. Again piano! I don’t know why but I love piano sounds. This soothing Piano music is amazing, including there is different music, with different piano rhythms. Ocean Waves. Ocean waves sound is an of my favorite sound to calm and like I don’t live close to the beach, I can’t hear it often, this ocean waves music makes the perfect solution. Train Ride. Here again, I don’t why I love train ride sound, but I love it and I just love simply this train ride sound in the app.  

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New Rules

Welcome to a new rules spirit post! I was inspired recently by doing a daily rules board. Daily rules who can inspire myself and keep going even on the bad days. My mental health is really bad since months now and some days it’s really hard to keep going. I had a few better days during a few days after my day trip at Disneyland Paris two weeks ago. But now I’m back in a relapse and some hard days. I find that ok, this situation relapse. After four months where my mental health getting worse a bit more each day, I can’t ask to feel immediately better after just one day therapy trip. This day was amazingly therapeutic, more than I would have thought after so much time to be bad. I had a few calm and really better days during a few days who has followed this day. Never, I would have thought that this day could be so much therapeutic and continuing during a few days after. Right! I’m feel ok with this relapse! It’s a beginning to be better after as much as to feel myself bad. This does not prevent that it’s hard to feel again bad after a few days to be better and that it’s can be hard to keep going some days. Right! I write down five rules that I must (trying) follow particularly on the bad days. Trying to follow them and keep these five rules in my mind. I write down and chosen these rules with my currently mind state. I chosen these personal rules that I know are the best to help me to keep going. Let’s a look detailed of why I chosen these rules.   1. BE KIND EVEN ON BAD DAYS. Since months, every day was a bad day. I started to get mad, angry after myself to feel myself like that and do not be able to manage to be better and to have every day a bad day. During the lockdown, I got a notification of my motivation quotes app with this ” be kind even on bad days “. I tried to start pausing my mind about be mad after myself. Each time that I started to be mad after myself to feel bad every day, I remember this phrase and it’s helped me to calm my angry towards myself to feel me bad and it’s helped me to manage these bad days with a little more of calm in my mind.   2. DREAM. It’s not a Disneyland related. Right! But for be honest since the lockdown and the beginning of this world crisis, I haven’t really of dreams. Little or big, I haven’t one really anymore. It’s makes me a bit sad, because before this crisis I had some. And right now, not really anymore! It’s maybe the problem, I need starting to dream really again to have the want to do some things again and be motivated.   3. BELIEVE YOU CAN. It’s not a secret that I have any self confidence, these past nine months I started to build it a little. I could maybe talk about here soon, it’s so good to have a bit of self confidence. It’s not a lot but this is the first time of my life that I manage to have a bit of self confidence, even when I was a child I had any self confidence. I grow up all my life without any self confidence. I just recently started to believe that I can do some things. Believe you can was a logical rule to add to continue to progress in my self confidence.   4. BE PATIENT WHAT YOU WANT WOULD COME. Right! To be honest, I write down this rule because even if I have done the choice to be back at Disneyland Paris even if the parades/shows are not back at this first reopening phase that the park has started. This is a hard time for me that the parades and shows are not back again. A hard time, I miss them and want to see them again. I try to be patient and tell myself the park has reopening only two weeks ago and it is a first phase, I try to be patient but this is hard. Well! I write down a rule to trying to help me to try continue to be patient.   5. FOLLOW YOUR PASSIONS. In life even before this world crisis, I haven’t had a lot of passions. I haven’t a lot of passions but when I have one this is generally a powerful passion. During the lockdown or because it’s off-season, I haven’t managed to follow any of my passions. I think, it’s time to try to follow some passions again, little or big passions, it’s time to follow them again. To be inspired and motivated!   If follow these rules could help me, I decided that in September I could find a frame that I love and place it in my room. Have you some daily rules? Have you some special rules on your bad days? Thanks for stopping by!  

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Seaside 2020

Well! I lived so much emotions these past ten days! For the first time in four months most of them are good! I could talk about one thing who gives the best emotions soon! Stay tuned! But now, last week I have done my first travel since the lockdown. Right! It was not pretty easy! I was excited and nervous! We let on July 4, until July 11, for a seaside summer family vacation in the south of France. First step in all, it was the first time that I get really outside and back in the world since my trip at Disneyland Paris in March, the week before the lockdown. I was not in the beginning of this crisis but since a few weeks, I feel pretty anxious about the Coronavirus. Maybe because even if in France we have started the phase 3 of reopening the country on June 22 and that the situation about the Coronavirus is rather stabilized at this day, the virus is always here. And that’s anxious me a lot! Going outside on July 4, I was nervous, in more I had two challenges in the same time. We took the TGV for going in the south. We had five hours of ride and in public transports the mask is mandatory all the time. Ok! One, my first time taking the public transports where the virus can to be and second wearing the mask for the first time and during five hours in the row. About the mask, it was for me psychologically a test to see if I feel ok with it because at Disneyland Paris for the reopening it’s mask mandatory all the time also and probably again more than five hours I could wear it. Right! At the end of the TGV journey, the test was passed. I feel ok with it and it’s ok and doable for all the day at Disneyland Paris. That’s right! Well! We were supposed to go at Biarritz for this summer vacation but our flight has been canceled because we have a tri-national airport with the France, Germany and Switzerland and all the flights even if the European Unions has started to open on June 15, were not again here and it was canceled. We have switched this trip to later this summer and in waiting we have chosen to going somewhere else. We have been in a camping at Palavas Les Flots. Right! I was a bit disappointed that we can’t go at Biarritz, we started to book this trip before the lockdown but back from this trip in the south of France, I feel that it was a good thing. It was really challenging psychologically to travel with this Coronavirus all the time in my head and I could not to have enjoyed the time in Biarritz like I dream it since a few years. In the south of France, it was so hard to see most of the peoples wearing no masks and respecting any social distances. I was really anxious! The first time that I went on the beach on Sunday afternoon, it was crowded, any social distances and I felt really not good to saw that! Because in the same time, I was following online the preparations of the reopening of Disneyland Paris and the safety measures and it was a total contrast between the two. I felt not good! Like Disneyland Paris were preparing the most of safety measures who can to do and in the south it was almost like the virus didn’t exist anymore. The contrast that I saw was crazy! My favorite times for going on the beach is early in the morning and during sunset and this time, it was perfect in more because almost nobody on the beach at these moments and perfect for more social distances. Right! If not after my first TGV journey on the first day, all the week we did the most of things that we do on a beach vacation. I will not to do a recap day by day because the same beach things every day, it’s will be annoying! On the side of my mental health, this first trip in four months and without talking about the fact of the Coronavirus that I talked early. It was pretty hard to detach me mental health from the home where I was lockdown in four months and where my mental health gets worse a little more each day. But I think it was the beginning after four months without travel where when the seven months before the lockdown I traveled every month. It was a beginning also with my bad mental health of these past weeks/months. The situation mentally was really hard with my flashbacks these past weeks and during this trip it was hard but for the first time in a long time, I could spent a few minutes in the row without any flashbacks. I was not able of that since weeks. It was good already even if the hour after it was in a crisis again. I think all that it was a beginning on my mental health and it’s for this reason I think it was good that we haven’t did like first trip post lockdown, our trip to Biarritz. Talking about my social anxiety. When I have done so much progress during my previous trips at Disneyland Paris. It feels it on this summer beach vacation compared to the previous early summer vacations. We had a camping next to the beach, I could going many times in the days in walking, it was amazing when the rest of the family doesn’t wanted to go when I wanted to go. Maybe an easy thing but the previous years because of my social anxiety I was not able to walk and trough the camping until the beach. And here I have done without any anxiety! It was amazing! Just that it makes my trip. Going in front

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Life Lately • June 2020

Well! A little look on my life in June! Ok! June has started by the evolution of reopening the France with the start of the phase 2 on June 2. Mid-June, the French president has talked officially (it was not planned in first time), to place all the French departments in green zone including the Ile De France who was again in orange zone when we started the phase 2 and was supposed to be until the June 22. On June 22, we have started the phase 3 of reopening. Well! Pass these dates has been some steps about reopening the France. Sometimes I felt good, sometimes I felt bad. For me, my life haven’t really changed since mid-March at the beginning of the two strict lockdown months in France. I doesn’t go a lot outside. And in real, I feel pretty anxious about the Coronavirus, like it is always here. But, in June I took a step towards the outside world because I have done a few rides bike in the forest. Well! That’s a first step! The more powerful day of June has been on June 22, of course this day has been the beginning of the phase 3 of reopening the country. But it’s on this date also that Disneyland Paris has officially announced his reopening date. A lot of sources and informations told that the date of reopening could be mid-July, but nothing was officially. Disneyland Paris was rather in silent, it was frustrating sometimes but it’s finally something that I accepted with the evolving situation. And they were probably occupied to prepare the most for the parks reopening. It was so exciting when finally they told it! I already talked about here a little, but the more exciting also it was that the two shows from The Lion King and Jungle Festival who takes place from June 20 to September 13 normally could happening later this summer. With all the social distance rules and the rest but that’s so amazing! I can’t wait to see how they have hard worked on the organization and shows to be able to makes that happening. I know that with social distance it’s not possible but if you know me since awhile you know that with my social anxiety I could be not doing a thing like that but I want to give a big hug at every cast members who have continued to work during this uncertain time for be able to make the most possible best and magical experiences at the parks reopening and on the organization to take in place some shows. I’m excited to see what it’s in real! In the beginning of June I welcomed also a new member of my camera family. I bought myself a Canon M6 Mark II. I was looking for a camera between my DSLR and iPhone. I often noticed that during my Disneyland Paris trips or even any kind of trips, after the second day I feel overwhelmed by the weight of the DSLR with my tendinitis, of this fact, on the last days I left my DSLR for take just some photos with my iPhone but the most times I don’t like these photos. Right! I wanted a camera between the two. I think I have found the good, I’m so excited when I have this new one in my hands. I can’t wait to test it and take some photos with at Disneyland Paris! Last week, we had a first heat wave of the summer and at this occasion, I started to eat some ice creams and making some smoothie bowls. And launched the outdoor hot tub season. Oh! Lately, I can’t stop to watching the season 6 episode 2 of Psych on repeat. And my favorite and obsession breakfast currently is French Toast. I always don’t eat a lot and nothing at lunch time most of the days. But I’m in love with French Toast, particularly with Nutella stuffed. That wraps this life lately! Thanks for reading!  

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How I Tried To Prepare Me During The Lockdown

Disneyland Paris is reopening on July 15! Seriously, I didn’t know how to intro this post. Right! I’m just sharing this phrase. Yesterday afternoon, Disneyland Paris has officially announced his reopening date. It’s for July 15! Last week, it was announced that it’s could be tell on Monday, so I waited it I was so anxious about all the weekend. After a few weeks of silent compared to Walt Disney World and Disneyland Resort park, Disneyland Paris has talked about his reopening date. It was so exciting! Now, outside of the date that in real a lot of things tell that the reopening date could be around mid-July even if nothing was official announced. Outside of the fact of the date, another thing who anxious me over the last weeks when Walt Disney World has announced his reopening date, it was of the fact that with the restrictions because of the Coronavirus, any parades and shows could happening again. It’s hard for me because parades and shows are my favorite. Right! The announcements of Disneyland Paris yesterday, tell that Disney Stars On Parade and Disney Illuminations could not happening at the parks reopening because of the social distance rule. BUT! You can’t know how I was happy when I read that!… Some shows could like even happens, it’s including The Lion King and Rhythms Of The Pride Lands and The Jungle Book Jive shows, these two shows are including in The Lion King and Jungle Book Festival who normally take place from June 20 to September 13, 2020. They had not yet officially announced this festival canceled. I’m so happy! These shows could happens modified in a different way for The Jungle Book Jive and for The Lion King and Rhythms Of The Pride Lands who is performing at Frontierland theater could be organized with the social distance rule. It’s could not be really right at the parks reopening but later in the summer. It’s ok! I understand who can’t start a show on the first day of reopening with all the restrictions and after four months closed (who is historic for Disney parks), but they makes it for that it’s happening this summer. And that’s amazing! I can’t imagine the work that it’s for organizing all that with the restrictions. I’m so grateful for these peoples who have probably worked days and nights for make the most at the reopening! If, I’m so sad for my favorite parade and disney illuminations not happening and I really hope in my heart who could be back fast because a disney day without them could not be totally therapeutic. I’m so excited to discover the parks in a new way, they planned a lot of things who can match with the sanitary rules. It’s looks so exciting! Despite and even with some rules like the mask! I think, they have really done and are doing a hard work. I love the phrase that Disneyland Paris has written during announcing the reopening date and protocol – Because we have never needed so much magic, we have pushed the boundaries of what is possible to make your Disneyland Paris experience a waking dream – while preserving your health and safety! Now, I’m waiting an official email dedicated to pass holders for how manage my annual pass who has expired mid-May and the steps to follow for renew it. Last year, July 15 was the funeral of my first grandma passing away in the summer. This year, it’s Disneyland Paris reopening after four months of closed because of a virus. I don’t know how I will managed this date. I don’t know again if I will to do the choice to be at Disneyland Paris for the reopening. I’m looking on my projects again. Now, I will share how I tried to continually prepare me psychologically and physically at the reopening of Disneyland Paris during the lockdown and before to have any date of reopening and perspective of what could happens/available at the opening. During the lockdown and this parks closure, since mid-March, I have never stopped to prepare myself how to be back in the different ways. Some days I failed, often but some others days, I have managed to try preparing me to be back. Outside of the fact to trying to stay positive to continue living with my C-PTSD and this world crisis, what is a challenge with my mind at every single second. I tried to take this break of my monthly trips at Disneyland Paris to thinking and reflect on how I could be back for that I do new milestones in my recovery. If you follow me on Instagram, you have could see that I have done one big progress about my social anxiety this past week. REFLECTING Right! Disneyland Paris has been therapeutic on a lot of things like to reduce my flashbacks, appease my sleep, reduce my social anxiety or again even it’s helped me on my fire phobia with the dragon who spit fire in the parade or the flame throwers in disney illuminations. During this lockdown, although I took the time to write down on every things, big and little before I trended to concentre me only on the big, why Disneyland Paris has been therapeutic and every things that these solo trips in this special place have learned me. A fact, since March it’s the first time with this closure that I spent more than one month without going at Disneyland since September 2019. Since, I have been every month, except in January where I switched my Disneyland trip for a ski trip. It makes me happy and sad in the same time! I’m so grateful for all these trips. Trying to prepare myself to be back has been something very hard, without date of opening, with all the restrictions who could happening when it’s could opens back without know them exactly, what things exactly could be available. It’s something hard! I was not able

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Life Lately • May 2020

We are at the end of the month of May. Right! It is time for a monthly life lately! This month was special and again tougher than the previous months since the beginning of the Coronavirus lockdown. From lockdown to first phase of reopening. In France, the month of May has been a middle between the lockdown and first phase of reopening of the country because it’s on May 11, that this first phase has started. If for a lot of peoples this first phase has been a beginning of the freedom because we are able to go out without signed authorization and until 100km from the house now. For me, it’s not have been. I’m always lockdown in my head like during the lockdown of the country and even before this. Because of my flashbacks and anxiety. Nothing could probably change in the next weeks and months. But a simple thing that I ask is to could have access to my therapeutic tools. Can I just have this? To have a few days of break. Life was rough already before all the things related to the Coronavirus, I have just find therapeutic tools who can calm my mind a bit during few days. Now, I haven’t of therapeutic tools. And that since two and a half months. How am I supposed to live that with my C-PTSD. Each day is a bit harder, I seriously don’t know when it could stops. I try to occupy me. Right! I try mostly to occupy my mind to try to fight my flashbacks who are more powerful each day by doing different at home projects. Of the fact that I can’t go at Disneyland Paris, I decided to do a photo book on the two trips that I have done this year already in February and March. I spend time to editing videos and learning more in Adobe Premier Pro. My food relationship is always bad. I eat nothing at lunch since more than one month now. I eat every dinner Alfredo pasta. It is really hard with the current situation. I tried to motivate me, I have even bought my first Mickey Shaped plate but all stay hard. Pasta are really my only food. This month, I tried Rice with smoked salmon. I pretty loved it. This is a success! I also baked twice in one week Nutella stuffed sugar cinnamon muffins. I loved! With the summer kind of weather some days, I started to make back some smoothies (after to have stopped all fall and winter) but nothing of big. The most productive thing that I have done last week, I have done three different kinds of milkshake in the same week. Because I eat the same Nutella Milkshake since two months in the row. I have done this Nutella milkshake but I tried an Oreo milkshake and Strawberry milkshake also. But seriously! The most therapeutic thing that I can to do is building a blanket fort with my cozy blankets or close my shutter to have be in the dark and take a trip line in my camera roll on my Disneyland Paris videos or watching Disneyland Paris Watch Parties. Can I do that all day? But my mom doesn’t accept when I do that. I’m down. Last week, all week the rain was back but a lot of days, the sun and hot weather was here. I try in maximum to spent time sit down outside in the backyard. Doing nothing or this week, I started to use Audible because I had the want to listening Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone. I bought me a new coloring book. And tuesday, I took outdoor photos for the first time since my last trip to Disneyland Paris in the beginning of March with my DSLR and I shooted my cat in the backyard. I remember now how I love to use a real camera outside and not only my iPhone to take photos. I thought since a few weeks but in the next weeks, I’m looking to upgrade my camera possession and add one, currently I have one DSLR with one zoom lens that I love so much but I want to bought me a second camera for different photography needs that I noticed during this quarantine with my camera troubles that I got during my Disneyland Paris trips these last months. That’s wrap this life lately? Thanks for reading!  

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Diary Of A Depressive And C-PTSD In Lockdown

Right! I haven’t been a lot here on the blog these past three weeks. I have done only one post by week. And for the simple reason that I was not motivated and in mood to post more here and I decided if I was not in mood to do it, do not force myself because I couldn’t love the final. I took the decision to do posts only when I was motivated to do them. That’s for the story why I was not over here lately. The reason why I was not motivated it’s quite simply because I’m in depression. Since the beginning of the lockdown mid-March, I haven’t really talked about my feelings, expect that it’s hard that my therapy place (aka Disneyland Paris) is closed. But I haven’t really talked more! The France has started her first phase of opening the country officially on May 11. A few things has started to open back, but really a few and me living in the county who was the more difficult with the Coronavirus, we have less of things open. In the counties less touched by the Coronavirus, they have started to open back some parks but here in my county all is closed again. This unlockdown on May 11, has given me again another bunch of mixed feelings. In first, I was anxious about this first phase of reopening the country. Is a second wave of the virus could comes? How this unlockdown could works? Because how this first phase of reopening could tell how and when Disneyland Paris could reopens. And it’s always! These past days, I started to have anger also when they start slowly to open back for June, parks, museums, aquariums around the country BUT that theme parks including Disneyland Paris are unauthorized to open back again. Disneyland Paris could not probably reopens before mid-July and again it’s not sure. I have anger to see all the things almost authorized to opens in June except theme parks, theme parks are maybe more complicated to opens but when theme parks themself propose a bunch of security and that the French gourvernment refused. It’s hopeless! They decide to open back some things where social distance without hard to maintain but in a large outside park where it’s can be easier, they refuse. And that’s for all theme parks around the France, not only Disneyland Paris. On another side, I feel like it’s not good to reopens again for Disneyland Paris. Believe me! I want to, I need to, that it reopens because I’m really bad, my depression is bad, my life with my flashbacks becomes unsupportable a little more each day. But I don’t think that it’s a good idea that Disneyland Paris reopens again, but when they could propose a little more of contents in the parks. The health crisis is until July 10, in France and before this date, I think that they could not propose a lot of things, except attractions. And Disneyland Paris it’s not only that. You can fastly take a look to see how Shangai Disneyland has reopens, 30% of capacity, no parades and fireworks, no close photos with characters. I think that it was good that Shangai Disneyland reopens to give hope to Disney parks fan and peoples around the world. This first step was important! But I don’t think that it’s a good idea in my opinion for the security of guests and cast members that Disneyland Paris and US parks open on this capacity. Now, I don’t know if there could maybe to have a difference of reopens between Disneyland Paris, Disneyland Resort and Walt Disney World, they have closed to one day of difference, now for the reopens, each country works differently. And the French gouvernment is not ready again to gives the authorization to theme parks to reopens. At this day, I think it’s a good idea even if like told I could emergency need it, but the thing who give me anger is that almost everything else could to have the authorization to reopens in June, and I’m sure that some things authorized are less in the security that theme parks, where we know already that Disneyland Paris is a place where the security is all long year number 1. One thing who makes some peoples angry also is that the largest theme park (EuroPa-Park) in Germany reopens on May 29 but in France they do not let authorization to reopens. I DON’T LIE! But in two months of lockdown, I haven’t placed one step outside of my house or backyard, even to do grocery or in the radius of 1km authorized until May 11. I’m a stay at home people when I’m not traveling and I feel pretty anxious to go outside in my neighborhood, so it was not a big deal, the really big deal was and is always that I was not able to skiing and I’m not able to go at my therapy place. On May 12, I have done my first out, I went to do a bike ride in the forest, the goal principal was to see if going outside could be helpful me to reduce my flashbacks. The answer is NO! Since, I haven’t took another bike ride. In more, I feel anomaly anxious to go outside with the Coronavirus. I was not anxious at the beginning of the story, but right now to have lived in the county the more touched by the Coronavirus in cases and dead. I’m really anxious about to go outside! This is not good for me. Currently, I’m really bad on my mental health. I haven’t my therapy place and I haven’t had of psychiatrist visit since the beginning of February. I have nothing who help me! My brain is not working correctly, I’m often not able to do simple things correctly. After many months, last week I took the time to write an email to my psychiatrist, I talked about a

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The Dark Side Of Routines

Here we go! Yesterday, the France has started her first phase of reopening the country. If you follow me on Instagram, you could have saw that I shared my feelings about it. Who are rather anxiety! I’m feel anxious about this first phase of reopening, how it could works and is a second wave of the virus could comes. The results of this first phase of reopening could also be directly tell when Disneyland Paris could opens. And that’s anxious me a lot! In more, I live in the city where the situation with the Coronavirus is the more complicated and if today, we can go out from the house without a signed authorization and until 100km around the house. If the virus himself does not anxious me in first, now I feel anxious about the virus and to go out. That’s special! But it’s not with I want to talk about in this post, even if it’s something that I learned during the lockdown and do not be able to go at Disneyland Paris (aka my therapy place). Going at Disneyland Paris has multiple reasons why it’s therapeutic to me (I shared my principal reasons in a post before), but I maybe find a new important reason, I had this feeling since a few months but during the lockdown and do not be able to go at Disneyland Paris and when I searched what tools could help me to survive with my C-PTSD, I really learned more about this feeling.   THE DARK SIDE OF ROUTINES NO! I haven’t specially of problem to include daily routines in my life. But! I noticed that daily routines can be bad for my mental health, c-ptsd and anxiety. I realized even that it’s can increase my flashbacks. I know that for multiple reasons daily routines can be good for the mental health. But I’m here to think with my experiences that too much routines can be bad also. At home, I have some specific routines because of my anxiety. I noticed that keep in these routines can increase again more my anxiety and flashbacks on the short and long terms. When I’m at Disneyland Paris, I can to have some routines but I’m more flexible. It’s can change every day! I plan my days when I go at Disneyland Paris, what I want to do,… but I haven’t really of big routines where I do the same things in the row every day, at special times. When I’m at Disneyland Paris, I go even at the opposite of my home routines. Example: at home, I can be showered and in pajamas before 08h00 pm if not it’s anxious me but during a trip at Disneyland Paris, it’s the time generally where I watch the night time show and I’m not back at the hotel before 10h00 pm. I feel better when I bypass this home routine. That’s an example but this is about my Disneyland kind of day that I have less of routines. I think that’s tell a lot because in my recent self discovery post, I written that my idea kind of days are these that I have at Disneyland Paris. I think to have less or almost not daily routines during my days at Disneyland Paris, this a big thing who makes that my days there are therapeutic. I can’t believe it with everywhere peoples who told that routines are good BUT I believe that today it’s my situation. It’s probably the biggest thing that I learned during this lockdown. When I learned that not to have routines during my days at Disneyland Paris was maybe an of the thing who helped me the more, I tried at home. One or two days, even one week I tried to fight some of my usual routines at home that I haven’t at Disneyland Paris. And effectively, I noticed that to have less routines were better. The deal, I haven’t been able to continue because I haven’t the same life at home and in travel, and unconsciously I’m fall back into my routines. Because my home place is something who anxious me more than a place far from home.   WHY LESS OF ROUTINES IS BETTER It’s let less of the place at my flashbacks and anxiety to settle down than when I do the same things every day at the same hours, my flashbacks and anxiety know it in advance and they know that it’s a time where they could easily settle down. Ok! When I’m at Disneyland Paris my days are made of 20 times of things in more than at home but do not let me in some routines, and that it’s change every day. I have the feeling to have more explored and lived fully each day. Not in doing the same things. FIND THE GOLDEN MEAN I think that to have routines can be useful in daily life. But too much on every things of daily life can makes the anxiety again bigger. I think that find a golden mean is good. Right! It’s something that I’m absolutely not able to do with my current depression situation because I haven’t access to my therapy place since two months and I’m not sure when I could go back. It’s a difficult situation currently! I try every day to change some details to my routines, and it’s works good on my flashbacks and anxiety but I’m currently not able, I haven’t the physical force to change or take off routines like when I’m at Disneyland Paris. Like told before, I think routines are important also because if not when you’re in depression you do nothing. But in my afternoon art therapy routine. My routine is only to do art therapy in the afternoon because it’s helps me but I haven’t of place where of precise hours to do it. Sometimes, I can do it on my desk, on my bed or outside when it’s hot and sometimes, it’s can be at

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Review: One Year With A Disneyland Annual Pass

Let’s do this! Day for day, yesterday it’s one year ago that I bought my first annual pass holder from Disneyland Paris. One year ago, I bought my first annual pass with the intention to return a few times in the year to Disneyland Paris but never I could to have thought come back monthly and so much. My annual pass is financially rentabilized since my September trip. And if like a minimalist I think a lot before each thing that I buy, my annual pass is probably an of the best thing that I bought in 2019. I’m thinking it since my trips during the Christmas season, if I could renew it. It’s seems easy the anwser in view of the positive effects that my monthly trips to Disneyland Paris has on my mental health. But I don’t like to buy things that I could not totally use, and buy an annual pass it’s on the complete year so I thinking about since a few moments now. Right! My February and March trips has been decisive in the answer to the question if yes or not I renew it. I choose to RENEW IT! Right! I was supposed to renew it during my monthly trip in April but of course I couldn’t because of the closure. I could renew it when the parks could re-open. Ok! If I survive mentally to this closure. But I’m again more motivated to renew it now and it’s let me the time to choose for what annual pass I wanted to renew it. Today, what Disney parks do in these closure times for annual pass holders? In April, Disney has suspended the monthly payments during all the parks closure time and could extend the annual passes validities when the parks could re-open to the number of days that the parks has been closed. That’s right! Right! With this situation I have again a few months of utilization of my actual annual pass because the parks has closed on March 14, and my normal validity was until the May 15, and we do not know when the parks could open again. But I wanted to do this post, to distract me from this situation. And the HOPE, HOPE, yes because the first step of opening process has started in Shanghai Disneyland and it opens back on May 11. RIGHT! Taking a two minutes to forgot the difficulty of this situation and remember this past year of utilization of my annual pass and good memories. I’m so grateful for it!   WHAT PASS I CHOSEN AND WHY Disneyland Paris has four different types of annual passes with of course different prices. When I bought my first one year ago, I thought during one month before choose the right type in function of my future utilization. After a lot, a lot of reflections I have chosen the Magic Plus, a little lower in the options than the Infinity the more expensive but enough for me. It’s included Extra Magic Hours, available 350 days in the parks, annual pass special entrance gates, reduction in shops and restaurants. At 299€, it was the right. And all long year, I have never regretted to have chosen this one. My biggest choice to take this one is the numbers of days that the pass is available in the year, the Extra Magic Hours because I stay in Disneyland Paris hotels partners who do not contain Extra Magic Hours. DO YOU LOST THE MAGIC TO GO OFTEN A lot of peoples ask if to buy an annual pass and go more often delete the magic, of the same way that when you work to Disneyland. I think, it’s depending some peoples, some could forget the magic, some others could be the same quantity of magic that the first day. For me, this is again another story because I go to Disneyland Paris for therapeutic effects. I think, it’s depending also for what you love to go at Disneyland, attractions, shows, meet characters… To be honest, to me the magic was more powerful when I was back on my trip in February after two months without trip that when I was between my trip in November and December. I got a lot of magic but a bit less. But magic or not, it’s not for the only reason that I do these monthly trips to Disneyland Paris, and it’s not only the magic when I go down Main Street USA who is therapeutic for me, it’s for a multiple others reasons again. BUT! In each of my trip, I have always had the magic to go down Main Street USA. But after two months without, it was again more powerful. Ok! I’m excited and afraid of how much magic it’s could give me the day to go back in the parks after months of closure because of the Coronavirus. HOW I GO TO DISNEYLAND PARIS I live to 500km from Disneyland Paris. This is why, this is a reflexion to buy an annual pass. I go by train. TGV exactly! I have an usual TGV departure at 05h42 am and arrive to the gare station of Marne La Vallée at 08h48 am. My usual TGV back home is departure from Marne La Vallée at 08h11 pm and I’m arriving around 11h20 pm. I have about 3 hours of train. Before or after, I have again 30 minutes of road to arrive at the gare or back home after the gare, my parents drive me generally because I haven’t my driving license. This is the only ones TGV hours that I have. But even if it’s early and late, I love them. HOW MUCH MY TRIPS TO DISNEYLAND PARIS COST ME. I pay monthly my annual pass. Ok! For each trip themself, I have the TGV, hotel to pay principally. I do not eat when I’m there and do not do real meals, I haven’t a lot of money inside food category. And I do

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C-PTSD Therapy Tools At Home

The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that’s every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again – Rachael in Friends. That’s right! I don’t know how to manage. I feel already overwhelmed in normal time but currently it’s start to be unsupportable. My flashbacks and anxiety increase every single day, I’m falling in depression. Because I can’t to have the only really therapeutic thing who help me in my C-PTSD, going to Disneyland Paris. It’s now more than one month that I’m back from my last trip in March and the therapeutic effects are down. It’s one month that the parks are closed. Monday, the French gouvernment has extended the France lockdown and quarantine until May 11. It’s not tomorrow that I could get some therapy and I don’t know if I could to hold. I had clearly to search some helpful tools but the problem is that I’m searching since months helpful therapeutic tools at home but nothing never helped me like going to Disneyland Paris and again less in some hard times like that in my mental health. I don’t know what to do! Right! I tried to keep going. I don’t know if I could to find a really helpful thing and if yes, probably not as much as helpful than going to Disneyland Paris. But at this moment, the goal is not here! It’s to find helpful tools who can help me to hold, calm a bit my flashbacks and anxiety until that I can go back to Disneyland Paris. The task is hard! I don’t know if I will managed to stay up but I will try, I want to go back to Disneyland Paris. I spend days and nights to searching some helpful tools who could help meeven a bit. I’m thinking what help me, what Disneyland themed park I can to do at home, I’m looking on Pinterest, everywhere, I’m looking even creative things that parents can to do to occupy their toddlers. I’m looking on so much things that I feel overwhelmed by all. But I try to continue to searching because without helpful things I couldn’t to hold. Right! In March, I had the idea of my Disneyland Memories Game, the goal was to remember the good past memories over my trips in waiting to could create new. It was helpful and fun! BUT not enough today! When I started this game I was again under the therapeutic effects from my Disneyland Paris trip in March, now every single day my flashbacks crisis increase more. It’s really cool this game, I always do it but it’s not enough to survive to my days. Always searching new ideas… I found maybe an idea. Create a Disney themed daily program. I started to try on six days, I’m on the third day, right I can’t tell really if it’s totally helpful but to be occupy by this program during my days, yesterday and the day previous, I had the feeling that I had a bit less of flashbacks, the feeling was light but I felt it. The topic of this Disney themed daily program. I created four categories “FOOD”, “FUN ACTIVITIES”, “THERAPY ACTIVITIES”, “DISNEY + (yes, now that I have it)“. I write down six different things on each categories (I use hours to put them together), except for the food category because my eating disorder is really bad with my depression side and it’s a miracle if I ate two pasta by meal. Right! I decided to put only three things do not be overwhelmed because I knew it that I could not manage in this category but I thinking that it was necessary to place it in the program also. The goal is now each morning to pick one activity by category and do it during the day! Simple, but not so simple when you’re in depression and enchain more and more powerful flashbacks crisis. Keep working on it… On another side, I create myself this Flashbacks Emergency Peace Wheel. The goal of this wheel is to could distract me from my flashbacks crisis by small and fast activities than I noticed be helpful during a few minutes. Now, for this I have done a mix of Disney and other things who can help me. I don’t know again if it’s can really help me but let’s looking on… These are two therapy tools at home for my C-PTSD that I used days to put together. Now, to see if it’s can help me! What are your favorite therapeutic tools that you use at home to manage your C-PTSD or depression? What tools do you use during this quarantine?  

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Disneyland Memories Game

Remember good memories in waiting to could create some new! Right! At the end of the month of March when Disneyland Paris has announced to be closed until further noticed, I started a new game! A game to remember the good and many memories that I could create these past months in the park or around these trips in waiting to could be able to go back in the park to create some new memories. The bonus for me, this is a game who can helps me to take some times out away from my flashbacks! Let’s play Disneyland Memories Game. This is a simple game! And if I dedicated to my Disneyland Paris trips, it’s easily possible to do on it some others kind of trips or vacations that you have done in 2019 par example. I started by picking some themes related to my Disneyland Paris trips, parades, food, music, shows, lands, special seasons,… I created a board with the app Pages, I printed it and cut each theme. Now, the goal is to pick up one theme each day, pick up it randomly without looking when I pick up like that I don’t know on what theme I will work on it. Once that I picked up my theme, I take the time to remember all the good memories related to this special theme (and it’s can do not be easy and be done in only in 5 minutes when you have 5 trips behind you), and I write them down on the paper of this theme. Right! Easy, cheap in waiting to be back in the parks! Write down details and memories of my travel is something that I love because I have even started a travel journal. But this game is really good and therapeutic just to remember and be grateful for all the good memories that I could done even if I can’t be doing new in the parks right now! What a daily occupation! At this moment, I created fifteen themes to go until mid-April, I have even a very special dedicated for Disneyland Paris birthday on April 12th, I could maybe looking on some new themes or playing this good memories game as long as I can or until the parks re-open. In waiting, let’s remember some good memories! What is your favorite way to remember your travel memories? Thanks for reading!  

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Self Discovery Session Part I

No therapy day since two months! Let’s try to do a self discovery session! WHAT WOULD YOUR IDEAL DAY LOOK LIKE. My current ideal day look like these that I spend during my solo trips to Disneyland Paris. Wake up early, going outside, walking, enjoying little things around me, take photos/videos, stay until night outside, I love even take the shuttle. These are not my ideal day look because I’m traveling but because I really do something that I love and who helps me to feel me good on my mental health. Each time that I’m on a trip and that I think about my day and compare it to my day look at home. I don’t want to go home and I want that in my current life, every day look like that.   WHAT ARE THREE ACTIVITIES THAT LIGHT UP AND LEAVE YOU FEELING MOST ENERGIZED. Skiing! I’m exhausted after a few hours of ski but I’m feel happy exhausted and I just have all the energy to go back. Watching Disney Stars On Parade & Disney Illuminations to Disneyland Paris! I love so much things about my trip to Disneyland Paris BUT watching Disney Stars On Parade at 05h00pm & Disney Illumination at 08h00pm (depending parks hours seasons) is my favorite ever. It’s put on the light inside me with magic, hope and let me the energy to continue living! These hours of the days are generally the part of the day who anxious me the more at home but it’s my favorite time of the day to Disneyland Paris. Do not watching my phone when I wake up! Since a few months, I started do not watching my phone right now in the morning. I watch it only after I took my breakfast and get dressed. Since that I started that, I feel with more energy and less headaches in the morning to start the day.   FOUR THINGS, I’M GRATEFUL RIGHT NOW. To have been able to move early my trip to Disneyland Paris in March and going on it. To have done the ski progress that I have done in this ski season. To keep straight (despite the hard times with this society) with my choice to privilege experiences/travel that material things. The free cancelations and no prepayment on Booking. I can booking multiple reservations on different times to try to be to Disneyland Paris the day when they could re-open.   I REALLY WISH OTHERS KNEW THIS ABOUT ME. That the current crisis situation that the world live with the Coronavirus, I live that in my head every single day because of my flashbacks and anxiety. WRITE THE WORDS YOU NEED TO HEAR. Don’t believe in pessimism. If you can dream it, you can do it.   WHAT DO YOU NEED MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE. Disneyland Paris/Travel. It’s what helps me on my mental health and recovery and nourish my brain. Compare my progress since 5 years. Often I’m feel bad that I’m doing not enough but 5 years ago, I couldn’t left home 5 minutes alone. Today, I’m traveling in solo. Right! Even if I can’t go to Disneyland Paris in April, I think I will take the time to write down and compare my progress and particularly these related to my social anxiety.   WHAT’S YOUR DREAM JOB. My dream job is to take family photos & videos to Disneyland Paris to help peoples to keep the best memories from their trips in the parks.   AT THE END OF LIFE, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED BY. Stories to tell, not stuff to show.   That wraps this self discovery session! Have you already done a self discovery session post? If yes, let me the link in the comments, I could love to go take a little look on it!  

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Disneyland Paris Diary • March 2020

Introduction: There is about one week, I was back from a solo trip to Disneyland Paris during four days. I was supposed to go from 16th to 19th on this trip but of the fact of the current situation with the Coronavirus, I decided to the last minutes to move it and go early. I was not special anxious about the virus but day after day, I was anxious that they could take the decision to close it with already three on six Disneyland parks of closed in the beginning of March. In first time, Disneyland Paris welcomed their guests like usually because it’s not considered like a confined space. But at this time, I was to two weeks from my trip and the situation changed every day so I decided to move early my trip. It’s the first time that I moved early a trip like that, it was a little destabilizing in first time, I changed the hotel and my train tickets. All that! By changing at the last minutes, I haven’t exactly chosen the days, I took when there was space in hotel and trains who were almost every day full booked. I went from Friday 6th to Monday 9th. I usually avoid weekends because there is much more peoples but I took these dates. I do not see me waiting two weeks and see if the park is again opens because I was in some hard mental health days these past weeks and I needed some Disneyland therapy. I spent an amazing trip with some epic experiences again because of the weather conditions. The important note, during my trip except because sometimes of the weather conditions all worked good. The day after I came home, they have started to close the Princess Pavillon and a few restrictions, again two days later all shows (even outdoor has been completely canceled), Disney Stars On Parade, Disney Illuminations, Frozen Parade and a few others are totally canceled. Thursday in the night, they have officially announced that Disneyland Paris, Walt Disney World and Disneyland Resort could be closed until the end of March. Well! I think it was a good option to move my trip early to be able to going to Disneyland Paris. On another side, I totally loved switching this trip early not only because these have been four amazing days for my mental health who was really bad lately but I discovered some new things over the park that I could not have discovered outside these dates. I dealt with another last minutes perturbation change. My TGV direct at this moment was always under track modernization work so I had to take another train journey to go to Disneyland Paris with a connection and two different trains. It was something who anxious me a bunch but when on the previous day of my travel departure, a TGV has derailed on the TGV line that I was supposed to take. I was so anxious who cancel my TGV but it has just delayed because the high speed line was not praticable so the TGV has took the regular line where they go slower and on the journey to Disneyland Paris and the journey home fours day later, my TGV has had about 35 minutes of delays. I can tell that’s ok! But to see the TGV derailed just the day before I must took it so it’s not already my usual TGV line, it give me so much anxiety! These was a few important notes before my trip! Now let’s a look on my Disneyland Paris trip diary! To protect me the maximum of the virus, I took an anti-bacterien gel (Disneyland Paris had some in free service also in restrooms and shops), I used about four times by hour when I was outside, after each attraction, parades, restaurants or public things that I touched. I was not specially anxious about the virus, the only time that I was anxious about it was after Disney Illuminations where all peoples are stuck together or in the shuttle back to the hotel at night. By precaution, I decided I avoid a few confined attractions like Phantom Manor but that’s all! Now, all the Disney parks around the world are closed together! This is a first time in the history! It’s also only the third time in almost 28 years that Disneyland Paris is closed. First time, it was in 1999 because of a mega storm who has touched the France, the second time, it was after the terror attack to Paris in November 2015. Here, all parks both, it’s totally crazy but maybe necessary! Because during my trip, any peoples had some respect to protect themselves and peoples around against the Coronavirus, they acted like normally and touched you without any respect.   DAY 1. Right! With my usual TGV direct, I leave the gare station around 05h42 am and arrive to the gare station of Marne La Vallée (next to Disneyland Paris), at 08h48 am. With the travel journey that I had to do I left the gare station at 06h00 am with my first train, took my second train around 07h35 am and with the delays, I’m arrived around 10h35 am to the gare station of Marne La Vallée and the time to let my luggage in the locker at the gare station, I was in the park around 10h45 am, just in time for the first Frozen 2 An Enchanted Journey parade of the day at 11h00 am. Have you seen my Disneyland Paris diary in February? I was there during the powerful days of the Storm Ciara who has touched the Europe. Right! During this trip, the weather was better but it was a lot rainy like even and I had a few Frozen parades of canceled and some only the stop show has been canceled. And on the last day, I had the most epic parade, check out below in day four. But during

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Life Lately • February 2020

This morning I wake up under a beautiful snowfall and in the mid-day I started to get in a big anxiety attack. I hate my mental health! But, right! Here’s a February life lately. In the beginning of February, there was a big change over here with my blog because I switched my blog name and design. If you missed the post, I explain all here. In the beginning of February also in France we celebrate La Chandleur and eat a lot of crepes at this occasion. This year, it was a Mickey Shaped Nutella kind of crepes. It’s pretty hard to do french crepes directly in Mickey shaped so I decided to draw the Nutella inside in Mickey shaped. I’m looking everyday to do creative Mickey shaped. From 08th to 12sd, I have done my first and EPIC trip to Disneyland Paris of 2020. I loved it and it missed me so much do not go to Disneyland during two months. I shared the diary of my trip here. I thought it since a few weeks and I waited to be back from my trip, I started to stop the Sertraline (that I took since the end of October). I don’t know if it’s helped me really but I hesitate to stop it and my Disney trip really give me the thing to really trying to stop it. I completely stopped it this week and I’m in the process to know again how I feel about stopping it. When February is normally the biggest full month of Winter for snow and ski practice. We deal a lot with lack of snow. It’s snowing many days but in a few days the temperatures rise so much high (into spring temperatures) and the snow is melting down in a few days. It’s often green rather than white in the mountains. I skied once time on the Sunday after to be back from my Disneyland Paris trip. I was hard because of the lack of snow, I tried to ski between grass and snow. I managed to progress a bit again on my ski skills with this challenge and I took my first ever red slope. Since all the month of February, I sleep bad and doing anxious nightmares every single night. I’m totally exhausted! In February, I started to practice regularly meditation and bought me an annual subscription to the app Calm. Art therapy is in full time with the giant coloring poster from Disneyland Paris. I’m in absolute love with it! Right! I’m always watching The Zack & Cody Suite Life and Christmas movies every night again. This week, I started my Disney Movie Challenge. That’s wrap a bit of February life lately. Thanks for reading!  

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How Video Games Improve My Mental Health

Last year, I started a new blog series where I share how a random of things help me to improve my mental health. I already shared how skiing, minimalism lifestyle, my Apple Watch and Disneyland trips improves my mental health. Today, I will share how video games improve my mental health. Video games haven’t never had a big part in my life, the last console that I had was a Playstation 1 during my pre-teen age but it’s a few long years that I haven’t played. This Christmas, I got a Nintendo Switch. Sometimes it’s missed me to play video games on the TV because let’s be real on an iPad it’s not the same thing. But buy me material thing is not my priority so I have never really wanted to buy me a console. I’m a bit happy that I got one for Christmas. Video games are often considered like bad for the mental health and anti-social. But I noticed a few positive effects on my mental health. When I started, it’s something that I was afraid but I managed to stay good on this. I was afraid to be addict and over play but I’m pretty good on this. I can play about one hour by day, sometimes less. I can to play a bit everyday but I have no problem to don’t play during a few days in the row as during a trip. If I took it during my week ski trip in La Clusaz or I played a bit every day at night during I rest of my ski days, I don’t took it with me during my trip to Disneyland Paris and I haven’t thinking one second about the console. I feel reassure because in the beginning it’s something who has could anxious me. A little look on what things playing video games improve my mental health!   Reduce my flashbacks. It’s the higgest important thing for me during recovery from C-PTSD! I can’t tell that it’s have super effect to delete my flashbacks daily but when I’m playing, I have less of flashbacks and it’s can be so good even five minutes without flashbacks where I deal with my flashbacks every second in daily life. Learn to persevere. Sometimes you need to start over and over one or some levels to progress in the game. Sometimes you can be mad about and want to stop the game for forever. Taking a break of the game maybe a few days and come back and manage the level. Practice that a few times, it helps me to persevere. In the beginning, it was hard and it’s on one thing that I worked hard on it. But you learn that you haven’t need to manage all the levels in one time. TETRIS The Best Game. It’s not the most exciting game! But it’s the one who helps me the more on this game! I have done a few research on the internet and I found that TETRIS is a good game and can even be a good tool in therapy of PTSD. What?! I was so surprised to read that and in the same time not because I found that game really helpful! But I found a real comfort to read that to confirm my feelings that playing video games can be a helpful tool in mental health and particularly in the recovery of PTSD or C-PTSD.   Do you play video games? Have you maybe noticed a helpful tool in the recovery of your mental health? Thanks for reading!  

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New Art Therapy Tools

I talked about I use Art Therapy is a post last summer here. Lately, I had a few new tools that I added to my Art Therapy routine and I wanted to share them here. I bought this Giant Poster in my trip to Disneyland Paris last week. I come back rarely with a few bought from my Disneyland Paris trips, I do not go there to buy in shops but enjoying the parks. But, when I saw this one in a shop, I flashed on it and I knew that I wanted to use it for art therapy. I never so much loved to coloring that with this poster, I use at night, when before I played with my Nintendo Switch, now I’m obsessed with this coloring poster during watching a movie. It’s a big one – about 100 cm on 70 cm. I bought me a new 36 watercolor pencils set also for art therapy. Always in art therapy, I bought me this book. It’s a learn to draw book with Disney characters. During my trips to Disneyland Paris, each time that I’m passing by the Art Academy in the Walt Disney Studios, I wanted to learn to draw Disney characters but I have never had the time to stop by it. It’s in my plans during a next trip! But! In waiting at home, to practice art therapy with learning to draw Mickey & Friends.   I consider in the category of art therapy also but I could talk about more in a dedicated post because it’s in another way. I started Travel Journalling but I could talk more soon because it’s something that I recently started and I want to practice more before talk about here.   It’s a few of my new art therapy tools. Do you practice art therapy? What is your favorite tool? Thanks for reading!  

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Disneyland Paris Diary • February 2020

I’m back from my trip to Disneyland Paris! First trip in two months! It was a crazy trip! But despite of all the different problems there was before and during this trip. All the magic was here! I was so surprised! First thing: I was supposed to leave home on Sunday 9 and back home on Tuesday 11. But! My TGV has been canceled not because of the strike who touched France since more than two months but because of track modernization on my TGV line. All the TGV daily scheduled during many weeks are canceled. Right! I learned about one week before the departure date. I had a few talk with my parents and like the TGV are canceled during many weeks, they have proposed me to drive me. We leave home on Saturday 8 morning and we back home on Wednesday 12 afternoon and I had three days in the park. But! Second thing: I was to Disneyland Paris during the powerful days of the storm Ciara who has touched Europe this past week. Right! It was crazy! But! Really crazy! I have stopped to count how many shows has been canceled because of the bad weather. Some big rain, some wind more than 80km/h. In reality, in three days, I had six on twelves Frozen 2 An Enchanted Journey show canceled, two shows they have canceled the stop show on Central Plaza and the last day I saw the four complete shows of the day but two have finished under some rain. I waited it since two months but two on three Disney Stars on Parade have been canceled, I could see it only once. One Disney Illuminations show was completely canceled, the second they was here but only the mapping and water jets (no firework) and the last night, the wind was more calm and permitted the firework. On this trip, I learned to enjoy the shows canceled soundtrack from Disneyland Paris. Of course I was disappointed of these cancellations but I finally found that it can be kind of fun to walk under the hail and wind storm during listening to the soundtrack in multi-languages that the shows are canceled. I’m serious! Well! I was just back home with a big cold. I don’t know how Disneyland can make it that fun! Right! I was really disappointed also, particularly on the second day when Disney Stars on Parade has been canceled for the second day in the row and I waited since so long. BUT! I know that Disneyland Paris done the best to do the shows who were possible with this storm conditions. From my past trips, I know that they cancel only that when it’s really dangerous. The security is number one in Disney parks and I lived already some parades under some crazy rain so I know that if they have canceled it was too much dangerous. But of course, I was also disappointed! The other thing that I had to deal with is my planning. I went on this trip with in the mind to go back at home with two videos to editing. I prepare me always a planning and list of spots from where I want to shoot my videos but with all the cancellations, I was destabilized and I didn’t know anymore where to place me (even if I write it on papers) when I placed me to shoot on Central Plaza, it’s at some moments that the shows didn’t stop. Right! I finally decided to enjoy the shows like that without shooting in view of these circumstances. And if I’m sad because I’m back home without to have two videos to editing. I pretty loved these kinds of days! I tried to wait and adapt me when they canceled the shows, it was some calm kind of days where I have done one thing after another. I want always to prepare me some planning to shooting videos on my next trips to Disneyland Paris but I could have an attention when I plan my trips to plan some calm days where I could do what I want to do only once there. I discovered a new kind of day to Disneyland that I pretty love it! At this moment to Disneyland Paris, they have done an all new Frozen Celebration and in the Walt Disney Studios it’s the Legends Of The Force season. I heard so bad reviews from Disneyland Paris Annual Pass Holder that I follow on Instagram on this Frozen Celebration but I do not agree. Right! It’s not the biggest show but it’s good for a Winter season. I love the music and I found the duration good. Because if they make big shows and it’s for canceled them often because of the Winter weather conditions. It’s not worth it! Even if I had a lot of shows canceled by day, I love the Frozen 2 An Enchanted Journey show.   Well! I wanted to pay one entrance one day to my parents in the park like they drive me but they do not wanted to it because of the weather conditions. Right! I went with my parents in car but I was in solo in the parks, they keep rest in the hotel like they love it.   DAY 1. We arrived on Saturday night but day one park was Sunday. I get up early to be in the park during Extra Magic Hours. First walk on Main Street USA and it was so good to walk down until the Castle and my smell sens was at 100%, I never smell so much flavors on Main Street USA before. I grabbed a hot cocoa like breakfast and going in Fantasyland to do a few attractions. I started with Peter Pan’s Flight, followed with Dumbo, Tea Cups and I went in Frontierland and I have done Phantom Manor and the Thunder Mesa RiverBoat has reopened the day before after a renovation. I walked

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Life Lately • January 2020

It’s has been a long time that I haven’t shared a bit of my life lately. Here’s what’s up in January! On the blog, I started the year by sharing my goals of the year! On another side, on January 6th, I was able to go at my first psychiatrist in months because of the strike in train in France. I had finally a train to go! My life lately is drinking a lot of hot cocoa. I spent again a lot of time to watching Christmas movies, every night, sometimes by day also. If you read my blog post about my goals of the year, I have a Disney movie challenge to start but at this time I want to watch again Christmas movies so I watch them again. I have the time to start my Disney movie challenge like Disney + is not available before the end of March in France. I got a Nintendo Switch at Christmas and I love playing with. My favorite games are Tetris, Super Mario Bros, Break Breaker, Crash Bandicoot. But I have some posts about this who are coming because it has special effects on my mental health. I have a few new Disney books, to discover more the Disney stories environment that I don’t know really and I love to look on it. I already shared over here, I got my 2019 yearly photo book this month and I love it. I share a little peek inside here and I have done a post where I explain how I create my yearly photo books. In January, I was on a week ski trip in La Clusaz, I shared the recap here. I loved already before but since this trip, I developed a special love for Nutella crepes lately. I surprised me to do some for afternoons snack! These past days, I spent a lot of time to edit the video of my ski trip in La Clusaz. She’s almost finished. It’s one and a half months that I haven’t been to Disneyland Paris because I have chosen to dedicate more my time this month at the ski season. BUT every day, I have Disneyland Paris and Mickey in my heart. At home, I’m trying to do a lot of things Mickey shaped (look the first photo of this post). I have a trip of planned next month to Disneyland Paris but I don’t know again if I could go because of the strike in the trains is always here and if a lot of lines are back normally. My TGV line that I take to go to Disneyland Paris is the only one again deleted daily. I could know if I can go in the next days. I hope because I miss Disneyland every day a little more and I need it because my mental health is really bad, I’m not able to take my mind back since that my grandmas are passed away last summer, and when I realize that it’s more than six months now, I feel again worse. I’m always overwhelmed by my bad mental health every single day. I continued to take Sertraline 50 mg by day but last week, I decided to start to go down and I’m back at 25 mg because since that I take Sertraline, it’s maybe calmed some of my anxiety but my flashbacks were again more powerful. AND it was too much! The decision was hard because it’s helped me a little of some of my anxiety but I decided to go down. But it’s hard because since I’m going down effectively my anxiety has increased again more. BUT on another side again, just yesterday, I have maybe understood why I have some of my anxiety and why I feel always overwhelmed by my two grandmas passed away. After writing this post, I must write an email at my psychiatrist to talk her about it. Since that I’m back from my ski trip in La Clusaz, I was able to go skiing once by week. Last week, I was Thursday and it was hard because in the ski resort near my home, it missed a lot of snow. Only two slopes were open and it was packed and icy snow. I have a hard time skiing on an icy snow because it’s harder to manage the ski. I have like even worked and it’s a good experience to skiing on a snow like this to progress. I just finished with knee pains during one week and more because I have too much forced on this day. Yesterday, I was back on the mountains and the snow was better, it was snowing the night before. The snow was a bit fresh powder with five slopes of open. It was nicer. AND it was an of my favorite kind of day because it was snowing again in the afternoon. It was a big day in my ski progress yesterday! I worked a lot since my ski trip in La Clusaz and I have finally was able to manage to do it. Before it was doing parallel turns but it was not able to change edges both my ski during doing my parallel turns. I have now the skill! After this I felt with more confidence, I went took the intermediate blue slope who was hard at the end of the last ski season and I was able to do it good and without stopping me after each turn. My ski position is more comfortable and I feel better on the ski. I went even explored some powder times between the trees and in some terrains of the ski resort that I have never been. I have even taken my very first part of a RED SLOPE. I loved! Right! That wraps a bit of my life lately! Thanks for reading!  

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Ski Trip in La Clusaz 2020

Last week, I was one week on a ski trip! This is my third year that I’m going on a ski trip and my second year that I’m going on a ski trip during January. I dream to go on a ski trip during my birthday, Christmas and New Year Eve season but on another side I particularly love mid-January to going on a ski trip. It’s so much less crowded! Except in the weekend where there is a little more of peoples on the slopes, on weekdays, the slopes are almost empty and it’s really nice and calm. I love this time! Usually, I do recap of one week trip in many parts but on this trip, I will only to do it in one part because I have done the most of my time only skiing and sleep and if I took everyday photos, I was always in the mountains and they are relatively all the same. I find unnecessary to do many recaps with in each the same photos. On this trip, I have done the choice do not take with my DSLR, I do not wanted to take it with me on the slopes and recently I switched to an iPhone 11 and I wanted to explore more the new stuffs that the camera propose. I don’t like to take my DSLR on a ski trip so I thought it was the perfect time to explore the camera of my new phone. I got also a DJI Osmo 3 for my birthday and I wanted to use it. Last year, we were in the ski resort Alpe d’Huez in the French Alps and I really loved it! I wanted to go there again this year but for healthy issues we weren’t able. But I intend to return so fast that I can! Even if I love to discover new places, I loved Alpe d’Huez and I want to go back many times there. On another side, I wanted to go back in a ski resort that I knew already the slopes because going in a new ski resort, you take a few days to explore and know the new slopes. Right! I wanted to master my ski practice on some slopes that I knew. Out of Alpe d’Huez in the French Alps, La Clusaz also in the French Alps was the only other ski resort that I know the slopes (I was already again in some other ski resorts but when I didn’t ski so I didn’t know the slopes). Right! My parents agreed so we have chosen to go back in La Clusaz. When I was there at La Clusaz two years ago, I just started the ski the same season and I found La Clusaz like a ski resort more for intermediate, expert skiers, this time with two seasons of ski behind me and my parallel turns, I tested back and I could explore more new slopes that I was not able to do last time that I was there. My favorite stay Alpe d’Huez but I loved to explore more the ski resort of La Clusaz and not only the green slopes at the bottom. I skied the most time and more possible during my trip. It was one week trip and I skied six days (every day), four days, I skied morning from 09h30am to 12h00pm and after to be back at the cottage to eat lunch (including pasta, potatoes, cheese, and soup all week), I was back on the slopes around 01h30pm until 04h00pm. On two days, I skied only the mornings and the afternoon, I have done a few other stuffs with my parents. I think I found the perfect balance that I wanted on one week ski trip. Most of the time skiing and took a break two half-day (not on the same day), to do some other things in the ski resort. I loved this balance! I had beautiful and sunny weather all week with the beautiful surprise on the last day of skiing of the week, you could read it later in the recap. If I love skiing in the morning with the cold and fresh air, the snow on the slopes was packed and sometimes icy because they used artificial snow because it missed snow on some slopes. It was a bit hard but nothing of best that get up early and going out to skiing where at this time, I’m usually in my bed. We took the road on Saturday 11st in the morning and arrived in La Clusaz in the evening when it was already night outside. We check-in the cottage and after dinner, I went fastly to sleep to be fit but unfortunately, I haven’t slept well of all week. Weird! Because of all week and skiing every day I was not tired at all and I haven’t had muscles aches like previous years. On Sunday, I wake up slowly for this first day, took my breakfast (Nutella pancakes) and get dressed before to be out on the slopes. On this first day of skiing of the season, I decided to go slowly physically, I first took the green slope at the bottom for my first slide of the season and I fastly climbed up in the mountains. One of my favorite slope is the Champions Slope Family Run with rails, tunnel, bumps to have fun. On the afternoon, I felt anxious but ready to do it, I wrapped this first day by trying a new slope that I have never done before AND a blue slope to get down in the mountains. Back at the cottage, the best après-ski is hot cocoa and I spent the rest of the evening to rest. On day two of skiing, I decided to go in a part of the ski resort that I have never was before. On the Massif de Beauregard. I really loved explored these new slopes, they are for beginners and intermediate and it was really cool, I

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2019 Thoughts + 2020 Goals

I don’t know exactly how I feel to be go into a new year! I’m always more anxious in the beginning of the year! 2019 has been a very hard year since my two grandmas are passed away at a month apart this summer. Since, I have again much more anxiety about life! But! I was also impressive with some good during the year, as my monthly trips at Disneyland Paris these past months. I absolutely loved these monthly adventures! In 2019, I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD also, it’s explained more of my feelings as my flashbacks but I haven’t found again a very helpful tool in my daily life and the daily life is hard. Although, above I talked that the beginning of the year is more anxious for me because it’s a period when my flashbacks are again more powerful than usually. We have moved to the new house in the beginning of 2019, even if I feel not very bad about, it’s not always easy. In 2019, I have written these goals for the year. Stop ask me questions. Drink smoothies. Keep fighting my anxiety. Growing Up my adventurous mind. Take care of me. Less obligations. Work on my creativity. Read Harry Potter books collection. I’m rather proud because I have managed a big part of them. If, I was not able to stop ask me questions about life or take care really of me because of my anxiety and flashbacks plus my grandmas who are passed away in the mid-year. I have read all the Harry Potter books collection, a thing who did not win in the first time because before I was not able to read more than two phrases because of my memory troubles, I have done it. I wanted to try drink more smoothies, if currently I do not drink them anymore because I’m in a hot cocoa mood, during the spring/summer, I drunk a lot and tried a lot of news also from smoothies to smoothies bowls, I talked more here, I have done it also. I worked a lot on my creativity and I started art therapy who can help me with my flashbacks, I talked about here. The last and the goal that I had the more in the heart all long year, growing up my adventurous mind. In 2018, I started some adventures with solo trips and a few other things, in 2019 I wanted to continue and I think I rather have done it good. I traveled in solo to Paris in April (in an of the city who anxious me the more, it was an all new challenge), I continued to adventure the ski slopes for my second year of ski and progressed a lot on my ski practice and parallel turns. And after my first overnights solo trip at Disneyland Paris in September, I launched me the goal to take a new adventure again and travel every month until the end of the year at Disneyland Paris and I have done it! I loved it! If some goals, I was not able to achieve them because of my C-PTSD, I achieved another big part of my goals. It was a very hard year but I had some good and best things also. And it’s amazing that I’m able to think that because since my grandmas are passed away, I ask me a lot of questions about life and I was not able to stay positive anymore. I haven’t again recovery of my grandmas passing away and I just realized that the first is passed away almost six months ago, I have started to take Sertraline because I have new anxiety who is coming after this event and I feel always bad. Some days, I ask me if I will recovery so much I feel bad, I think I will take again a long time to recovery of these events, more than I have my C-PTSD next to recovery also. This situation rhythm my every day and it’s hard but I could take the time that I need to recover from these events.   Well! Now, it’s a look on my goals for 2020. I have less of goals that in 2019 but all have a special place in my heart. I’m really passionate by these goals. Develop more my photography & filmmaker activity. I love to take photos & filming, I realized it again more since my every month trip at Disneyland Paris. I was going there also to do some photos and filming videos. I stopped the numbers of photos that I took over the trips and videos that I filmed and edited back home. You can find them on my Youtube channel here, I have literally done videos at each season and trips. I just love spend time to take photos and videos in the parks. Take photos & filming is a very favorite activity and at this time I do not win any money for this, I love to do it so I do it. This year, I want to develop this activity, to do it my job that I could win money from it. To do more what I love. It’s a global thing. If I love to ski, I invest myself inside and do it, if I love to go at Disneyland Paris go it. I want to do more about what I love. Really, since my grandmas are passed away, I have a really hard time to find things that I love. Skiing and going at Disneyland Paris are my two biggest and only things, they help me in my mental health also. But if during my recovery I find in more new other things that I can love to do it, I must invest me in more. Some big things like travel or some simple things like watching a tv show. To do more what I love. Also for my blog & Instagram, I decided to reduce my content but write blog posts that I love to

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Christmas Brownies + Puzzles & New iPhone

Ok! Today, I can’t go to my last psychiatrist visit of the year because again once of the strike in the trains. It starts really to be exasperating these strikes in France. I had to cut short of one day my last trip at Disneyland Paris, I was not able to go at my psychiatrist visit last week and today my last one I’m not able to go also. I could have had need of this visit to talk about my treatment because I feel not good on all ways with the Sertraline but I can’t and I haven’t other visits. I haven’t had of psychiatrist visit since three weeks while I’m under a new treatment. This is not the first time these strikes in France and it’s really exasperating! I try to stay calm but I’m angry! Well! The other day, I had the want to bake brownies and I switched in a Christmas spirit with Christmas shaped brownies. Of course, I added a Mickey shaped brownies also. Here an easy recipe. 200g Chocolate bar. 3 Eggs. 200g Sugar. 100g Flour. 150g Butter. Vanilla Extract. Preheat your oven at 185°. Line up and grease a 9*9 pan. In a bowl, put together butter and chocolate, microwave for 30 seconds, remove and stir with a whisk. Repeat until the chocolate is melted. In a large bowl, whisk eggs with sugar and vanilla extract. Combine the chocolate texture with the other. Add flour and whisk well. Transfer the texture in the pan and baking for 40 minutes or until a knife comes out clear. Let cool and use Christmas cookies cutter to transform brownies into Christmas brownies. + If you read my blog since awhile you probably know that I love puzzles. I have one Christmas puzzle that I bought last year and, this year I decided to buy another one and like I love all about Mickey since I’m going at Disneyland Paris, I have found this one. I built already twice since the beginning of the season. I love it! + Last week, I changed my iPhone. I talked a bit during the recap of my trip at Disneyland Paris. I was in trouble with my old iPhone. All the time he was in trouble and he turned off all the time when I was outside even when the battery was completely charged. During my trip, I had to keep it all the time plugged at my external battery in my pocket. It was a bit complicated and most time when I had to call my mom, it does not worked. In the beginning of the year, I already changed the battery in an Apple Store but the battery was again in trouble. I switched from an iPhone 6S to an iPhone 11. I had a hard time to change it despite that I have troubles with my old since weeks. I don’t like to buy the last news things (look I had again an iPhone 6S before) but I had really the need here. And seriously, since one week I try slowly to adapt me to my new iPhone and it’s not easy. Between the iPhone 6S and iPhone 11, there is a lot and about five generations of iPhone. Out of the fact that the screen is twice more bigger, in first time I was lost without the home button. A lot of details and a lot of new things in this new iPhone that I must adapt to me and slowly I manage. Right! It was a bit of life lately! Thanks for reading!  

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Christmas At Disneyland Paris: Day 3

Hanging in a favorite place! Today, I will share the recap of my last day trip to Disneyland Paris in December. Some new things, some favorite things and just to hang in an of my favorite place where I feel good! DAY 3 I was too tired and when I woke up I started to be sick that I decided do not to go during extra magic hours. I went a bit later but always early in the morning. I check-out the hotel, take the shuttle and I placed my luggage in the locker at the gare station. I stopped by Starbucks to grab a hot cocoa with a holiday cup (phone trouble & photo blurry). The weather was cold but also super foggy, I went first in the Walt Disney Studios and we didn’t able to see The Hollywood Tower and we saw almost not the big Mickey ears, later when I went in Disneyland park, it was about 11h00 am but we didn’t see the Castle with the fog. Right! When I headed in the Walt Disney Studios, I went to see the all new show (open mid-November) Frozen: A Musical Invitation in Animation Celebration. It was nice, I loved it! And I’m obsessed with all the Hidden Mickey on the carpet floor inside or outside in the waiting line. Right after, I headed in the Disneyland park. I hanged on Main Street USA and I went wait for Disney’s Christmas Parade. Between the two Christmas parades, I so much loved the day before on my first time in Pirates Of The Carribean that I went to do it again. I grabbed a Christmas Mickey shaped cupcake and I went hanging at warming up in the Videopolis and watching Let’s Sing Christmas. I really love this show with Christmas music! I went walk in the park and taken photos before going to wait for Disney Stars On Parade. And I followed along. I love this parade! Right! I went to wait for Disney Illuminations. I have my TGV back at 08h11 pm and the park closed at 07h00 pm and Disney Illuminations is at park closing and it’s during about 20 minutes. During my trip in November, I watched it from Main Street USA because less one hour before my train departure I was afraid to be blocked in the crowd at the exit. BUT after my last trip experience, I examined for this trip and I have chosen to watch it from in front of the Castle and that I have time to go out of the crowd and going back at the gare station. Right! During, I waited for Disney Illuminations I had a text like my TGV has 30 minutes of delay because of an animal accident. I watched Disney Illuminations and I run a little in the crowd to go out to be at the gare station at the right hour time despite my TGV delay. AND I had widely the time! My TGV had effectively 30 minutes of delay at the departure and later in the journey he took again more delay and I had 50 minutes of delay at the arrival. I was at home only around 01h00 am. But it was right! Now, I had an indemnity for the delay that I could put in some other TGV tickets for Disneyland Paris next year. I wait to see what happens with the big current strike in France to booking them because it’s completely the chaos after this strike again. Monday, I was not able to go at my psychiatrist visit because of the strike and next Monday, I don’t know if I could go at my supposed last psychiatrist visit of the year. That wraps this last day! I’m so happy to have spent all these times (not always easy) and money on these trips at Disneyland Paris these past months. I can tell that I have really good to make the profits of my annual pass holder that I bought back in May. I’m happy for that!   You are curious and don’t know why I love to go to Disneyland Paris multiple times and what benefits these trips have on my mental health, check out my post where I talked about how Disneyland improves my mental health here.  

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Christmas At Disneyland Paris: Day 2

Let’s get some magic on day 2! I previously shared the first day of my trip to Disneyland Paris in December, today I will share the second day of my trip. I initially to do plans for a four days trip but after my cut short of one day at the last minutes because of the strike in the trains, I had to adapt a bit my plans on the two last days to include in maximum what I wanted to do it. I could have loved to watching multiple times Mickey’s Christmas Big Band show but I could watch it only once time during this trip. But despite this day in less, I rather managed to do all what I wanted in shows or attractions but on the afternoon of the day 2, I had to do multiple go and back between the Disneyland Park and the Walt Disney Studios awhile in my first plans I planned to spent all afternoon and night in the Walt Disney Studios. DAY 2 I woke up early around 06h30, I haven’t sleep before 01h30 am but I went in bed around 12h30 am and I fell asleep in about 1 hour after my day in the park. It’s so amazing to fall asleep so fast! It was hard to wake up early and I was tired because I miss sleep hours but I went to do the extra magic hours and I had a beautiful sunrise and morning light. It was cold and frozen on the ground, I almost fall down many times because the ground at Disneyland Paris is sliding. But this day was a sunny, the first sunny day, all day since my trip in September. Right! But it’s on the end of the first sunny day that I started to be sick! But this is another story! The Christmas tree in the hall of the hotel. At 08h00 am, I was outside to take the shuttle and it was the first time that I was so early in the park. I walk down Main Street USA with a beautiful light and I absolutely loved! I grabbed a hot cocoa as breakfast and I headed to Fantasyland to do Peter Pan’s Flight but the attraction was down at this moment so I went to do Buzz Lightyear Lazer Blast. It was the first time ever that I do this attraction, I have chosen to do it to discover it during this trip because I hear that in January she could be in renovation during more than 6 months. BUT, I could not have thought that I could love it so much! It was fun and I loved even if I had pain in my hands after because of my tendinitis! My score was of 18600 and I was pretty happy of this for a first time. It was around 09h00 am, I took a walk until Frontierland. I love to walk in this part of the park early in the morning. Always with the beautiful morning light. I have taken a cruise with the Thunder Mesa Riverboat and to do a few attractions, I have done Blanche Neige et les Septs Nains and I headed to do Pirates Of The Carribean. This is the first time ever that I have done Pirates and I loved it! I slowly headed on Fantasyland to prepare myself for Disney’s Christmas Parade and I enjoyed around and watched a part of a Christmas movie on a bench during 30 minutes. I love to do that! I love watching the parade AND when I do not take photos or filming it, I go to Fantasyland and I follow it all her route until the end. It’s fun! And it permits me to listen longer the music! I don’t remember what I have done after the first parade but I think that I have done a few shops and I went to take place for the second parade after and I placed me on the Castle Stage to be placed for The Winter Sparkling Waltz here just after the parade. It was the first time that I saw this show, and I can’t tell I loved but I can’t tell that hated also because I love watching shows at Disneyland Paris. But I don’t loved! But it was nice to hang here, it was cold outside but with the sun it was nice. Just to hang! Right after, I went to drink a hot cocoa at the Cafe Fantasia. I hate going to restaurants or places with waiters because of my social anxiety but I have done it the first time during my trip in November and I loved! Despite one day in less during my trip, it was something that I didn’t want to eliminate on my plans. I enjoyed about 45 minutes in the Cafe where I took advantage to get warming up and to organize some photos on my DSLR and I went in the Walt Disney Studios. Some musicians with Christmas music in Studio 1 and I headed to watch Mickey’s Christmas Big Band. I love this show! Right after, I headed on Production Courtyard to wait for watching #SURPRISEMICKEY Special Christmas. I love this show also! It was 04h45 pm, I run back in Disneyland to watch Disney Stars On Parade. It was night outside after the parade and I headed back at the Walt Disney Studios, I hanged on the park and discover it by night. He has also Christmas decorations and even a mini Christmas market so it was nice. I have done Ratatouille and back in Production Courtyard, I watched #SURPRISEMICKEY Christmas Special by night. It was awesome! I love the music in the show but by night they project illuminations on The Hollywood Tower with a firework also. It was the first time that I saw something projected on The Hollywood Tower and I really loved it! Really cool at night! It was the first time

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Christmas At Disneyland Paris: Day 1

Last week, I was on my December therapy trip to Disneyland Paris! My fourth and ultimate trip planned for this year! Back in September, when I have done my first overnights trip to Disneyland Paris, I felt so good while I was in some hard times. I was in trouble about life and I don’t know what I wanted and back from this trip in September, I had the want to go to Disneyland Paris every month with nights stay in a hotel (because before I went just for some day trips). It was amazing! Right now! I’m so grateful for these trips because going to Disneyland Paris every month during some days in the row, it shows me that going outside all day can be better than staying all day in bed with cozy blankets and tv shows (what I do at home), whatever if it’s cold, day or night to waiting 1 hour Disney Illuminations, or watching the Disney Stars On Parade under the rain. It’s can be cool to be outside! If you love what you do outside! And I have never so much loved to be outside all day long than to Disneyland Paris. I’m grateful for all these times outside! I loved to practice photos and my filming skills during my trips! Right! I will share the first day of my December trip during the Christmas season of course! On this trip, I was supposed to go three nights and four days park BUT because of a BIG STRIKE in the transport in France, my TGV back home on the late evening December 4, has been deleted and at the last minutes, I had to cut short my trip of one day. So, I stayed two nights and three full days park as my previous trip in October and November. I’m mad about this because it was my last trip of the year and that I wanted really to stay one more day than usual. But on another side on the third day, I started to be sick and if I was again to Disneyland Paris on December 4, it will be a very hard day because at home I was not able to stay up. Right! It was a good thing on a side! Despite this day in less, I enjoyed and I had an amazing trip! Some so good times or my flashbacks and anxiety were lows! During this trip, I could see more Christmas shows, some shows who were not again available when I was just the first week of the Christmas season in the parks.   DAY 1. I left home very early on Sunday 01, to take my TGV to 05h55 am. I went arrived like usually around 09h00 am, I placed my luggage in the locker at the gare station and I headed in the park. The weather was not specially good, it was a bit rainy but I have now the habit because since October in each of my trip it was rainy. But it’s winter and we are in France. I walked down Main Street USA with the Christmas decor and music during Extra Magic Hours again, I headed to do It’s A Small World and I was in the second first boat of the day. It was cool! Right after, I went to wait to see the opening of the Advent Calendar down the Castle. It was the very first time that I saw that at Disneyland, it was cool AND in more, there have Mickey for the opening day! After, I went explored a bit more of Adventureland. It was the first time that I go exploring more Adventureland, my favorite lands are Fantasyland and Main Street USA and I do not spent much time in the others BUT this time I had the time and I wanted to do it so I have done it. It was really cool! I discovered so much and I didn’t thinking that all that could be in Disneyland Paris. It was really amazing! It’s always not my favorite land but I loved to explore it more and I could continue next time to explore again more! I loved! I grabbed a hot cocoa and it was time for the first Christmas parade of the day. I haven’t photos of the parade because I spent all the parade to filming for my final video but I have taken more photos of the Christmas parade in November go here. The first Christmas parade is at 12h00 pm and the second is at 01h20 pm, between the two I went take a tour at the Videopolis to listening Let’s Sing Christmas before heading back to see the second parade. PS: On Main Street USA during Christmas season in Disneyland Paris, it’s snowing many times by day AND that’s amazing! I love snow AND I’m so excited about each time it’s snowing! Around 02h00 pm, I picked up my luggage and took the shuttle to check-in the hotel and take a rest of my 4h30 am wake up and only two hours of sleep. Around 05h00 pm, I headed back in the park for the night. It was Sunday so the park closed later at 09h00 pm than usually at 07h00 pm. Two hours more in the cold but two hours more of hanging in the park also. I had to go slowly because a few days ago I increased the Sertraline and at Disneyland, I walk so much more than at home and I started to have headache because I have taken the Sertraline in the afternoon at the hotel room and when I’m at Disneyland it’s better than I took it before I go to sleep and not when I will spend time again in the park. Right! It’s what I have done the next days. I strolled slowly a bit in the park at night before heading to wait for Mickey’s Magical Christmas Lights (Christmas Tree Illuminations). It

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Life Lately

It’s a long time that I haven’t done a post like that! I have some really tough times with my flashbacks and anxiety these last weeks and I just realized that I feel depressed also. I have a hard time to find things that I want to do. I started the Sertraline one month ago now, and I just increased from 25mg to 50mg by day because it’s doesn’t help me. I will see now! I’m overtired but my sleeping troubles . I try to add to my days some little activities to occupy in a better a way my mind, and my favorite right now is that I can to do Christmas related activities. I use stickers, puzzles, art therapy,… And I decorated my room for Christmas, it was not easy. Sunday, I have done for the first time of the season some Christmas sugar cookies. Monday, before my psychiatrist visit, I took a walk in the Christmas markets at Strasbourg. Years, after years, the stalls are the same but it’s nice to take a walk and I love the smells. I haven’t a lot of things hanging on the walls of my room but I have one photo in a frame above my desk, it’s the same since about four years and it’s one year that I wanted to change it because I wanted to place another one. And I have finally done it this week. I passed from a black and white beach photo to some trees covered by snow. I love it! I dreamed of a photo with trees covered by snow since a long time. Because let’s be real I rather love tree covered by snow than beaches. I’m happy of this little change! That wraps a bit of my life lately! Sunday, I’m off on my December Disneyland Paris therapy trip. There, I dedicate all my photos to enjoy my time and take photos and videos so I haven’t time to take for the blog so I could be out of blogging next week.    

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Gift Guide For Peoples With PTSD

To offer something at Christmas can be hard sometimes but to offer something at a people with some mental illness can doubling the difficulty! Last year, I have done a gift guide for peoples with anxiety & depression. Today, I will do a gift guide for someone with PTSD. All things in this guide are some things that I use and who are some helpful tools in dealing with my C-PTSD. Right! It’s for this reason that I have placed them in this gift guide!   ONE // THE COZIEST BLANKET! To gift a cozy blanket for that in some moments of anxiety the person can find comfort. The Saranoni blankets, I talked about here. They are the coziest and softness blankets ever! Love them TWO // Some smells can give more flashbacks or anxiety. I will not talk about if or not, oils essential are helpful but it’s can change the smell of a room and diffusing smells that you love can reduce flashbacks. THREE // Pushing someone with PTSD to live new experiences, traveling. To create new memories and changing of environment. Helps her with a Hotels.com gift card. FOUR // A coloring book is perfect to relax the tension in the mind that PTSD can give. FIVE // PTSD gives depression symptoms and when you are on the side of depression going outside can be hard but walking with the softness shoes, it’s can helping. I love my UGG!   If you have PTSD! What gift could be the best to helps you in your recovery?      

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Snuggles With Cozy Blankets

I love some cozy blankets! I LOVE my Saranoni blankets! I have two of them, the Hivory Home Throw and the Feather Umber Lush Extra Large. If I will be not a minimalist person, I could to have much more but two is enough and I stop buying when I haven’t really need more! I bought them about one year ago. And I’m surprised how they look and are always so much soft and comfy as the first day. It’s the first blankets that I bought who are stayed soft like the first day one year later. I use them every day and almost all day like I work often from my bed. I take also at least one with me when I travel. I upgrade my suitcase size just for could take my blanket. Right! I’m a minimalist packer on the rest so I permit me to take with me my blanket. It brings me some comfort during traveling and traveling with anxiety and mental illness is not always easy. If you follow me on Instagram, you could see many times these blankets appear on my feed! I love these cozy blankets! I dream that the brand design sweat and jogging like that I can to have this softness when I go outside also! Absolutely love them! Love! I wash them about once time by month, at cold temperature and I hang them to dry (not in the dryer) and after each washing, it’s always soft. It’s the first time that I live that with some blankets! I LOVE these Saranoni blankets! Do you love cozy blankets? I highly recommend you to buy a Saranoni blanket, (in more currently they have really good deals with their Black Friday) they are multiple sizes and colors, it’s amazing!   It’s not a sponsored post, I just wanted to share my love for these blankets with the best season to snuggles with cozy blankets who is here now!  

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Sleepless Nights & Christmas Movies

You have maybe read it on my blog once or two that I have big sleeping troubles currently. It’s started in July, I was not able to sleep before 4h00 am, during my three weeks away from home in September, it was really better, I was able to fall asleep before midnight. Now, it’s weeks again that I’m not able to sleep correctly, I start really, really to be tired. One fact about me: I need absolutely 8 hours of sleep by night, to feel not tired in the day. I’m going to sleep around 11h00 pm and the most day I’m not able to fall asleep before 2h00 am. More I try to fall asleep, more I stay wake up longer. I don’t know exactly why I’m not able to fall asleep faster but I think that it’s because of my flashbacks, I have a very lots currently. It’s three weeks that I started the Sertraline and it’s doesn’t really helps me. I’m at 25 mg by day and I was thinking that it’s maybe not enough powerful for the very bad that my mental health is currently and since weeks. The only time that I was able to sleep fast is during my Disneyland Paris trips, I fall asleep in less of 1 hour. I don’t know if it’s because I’m exhausted physically after a day in the park or because I have watched Disney Illuminations at night rather than a tv show on Netflix. Because for me watching Disney Illuminations is better than watching some on Netflix. Or maybe because I had less of flashbacks and anxiety during the day in Disneyland. I don’t know, probably a mix of all. These last days, I tried new technics to be able to fall asleep faster. The more helpful thing that I found is reading a bit before going to sleep. I have a book with several little Christmas stories and I read one before to lay down. It tires more my eyes and mind and it’s helping a bit. But it’s not working every night. I dealt also between the thing to take a nap in the afternoon or not. It’s weeks that my sleeping troubles are here and each day I’m again more tired so I try to take a nap in the afternoon. I thought that it was maybe that who gives me troubles to fall asleep at night. But not! In the contrary, I noticed that the afternoons when I took a nap, I fell asleep faster while when I haven’t taken a nap I took again longer to fall asleep. I’m in the trouble and I start really to be tired! In waiting that I’m able to fall asleep each night until 02h00 am, I’m watching Christmas movies. I know that watching tv during sleeping is not good but I also tried the difference to try to fall asleep with and without tv, and I fall asleep faster with the tv on with a low sound. I enjoy that it’s now the season for watching Christmas movies until I fall asleep. I already shared my favorite Christmas movies last season but here a few of my biggest favorites that I watch again and again, they are some big Christmas movies or some simple Hallmark Christmas movies.   – Beethoven Christmas Adventure. – Home Alone 1 & 2 & 3. – Santa Baby. – The Santa Clause 1 & 2. – Santa Who? – The Polar Express. – The Dog Who Saved Christmas 1 & 2. – A Wish For Christmas. – Window Wonderland. – Deck the Halls. – A Christmas Kiss. – Christmas Getaway.   In reality, I have again a few others favorite BUT between the original name and the french name on the french tv is different, and sometimes two different channels give two different names at the same movies in France, I don’t remember the names of the other movies. Right! What is your favorite Christmas movie?  

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Christmas Bucket List 2019

Well! Back from my November therapy trip to Disneyland Paris where the Christmas spirit was everywhere, I think I’m ready to do my Christmas bucket list. I spent an amazing trip! But life around is always pretty hard and in this season I think I need more than ever to do this list. Because I’m motivated for nothing these moments. The challenge re-find joy in every little thing! Here my Christmas bucket list!   • Watching Christmas movies. • Place Christmas decorations. • Drink a bunch of hot cocoa. • Disneyland Paris Holiday Version. • Listening to Christmas music. • Going to do Ice Skating. • Walk in Christmas Markets. • Wear Holiday Clothes. • Look at Christmas lights. • Make a Gingerbread House. • Advent Calendar. • Buy/Wrap gifts (I love wrapping). • To do Christmas photos sessions. • Practice Christmas Hand Lettering. • Make cookies. • Read Christmas books. What could you love to do during the Christmas season? Thanks for reading!  

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How Disneyland Improves My Mental Health

I started a new blog series where I share how a random of things help me to improve my mental health. Previously, I shared how skiing, minimalist lifestyle and my Apple Watch improve my mental health. Today, I will share how DISNEYLAND improves my mental health. Between Disneyland and me it’s not a long story but it’s started only about one year ago when I have chosen to offer me a day trip to Disneyland Paris in December for my birthday. I was back three months later in March for another day trip. I followed with one in June and one in July and this September I have done my first overnights trip with four nights in a hotel (it was the first time that I stayed so long in a solo trip also) and three days in October. Because I’m going to Disneyland Paris in solo and I love it, I shared the good reasons to go at Disneyland in solo previously here, and I could share a guide for Disneyland Paris solo traveler soon. After this trip in September and it brings so much good on my mental health that I decided to invest and offer me overnights trip every month until the end of the year. In May, and after a lot of reflection and with the projects that I had in mind, I bought me an Annual Pass Holder to go at Disneyland Paris. It’s amazing! The price really worth it with the number of times that I go. It’s really cool not to have to pay entrance tickets to each trip! I have just the transports and hotel. Well! That’s a little of the story! Each trip to Disneyland Paris, it brings me positive on my mental health and since this summer, I consider it like my therapy place (with the mountains and tree covered by snow, I can’t choose between the two) and this for many reasons that I discovered on each trip and there are some reasons probably that I haven’t discovered again. I will share here why I go back to Disneyland Paris regularly. I’m excited because my next trip is next week! Reduce my flashbacks and anxiety. It’s something who happened since my first trip to Disneyland Paris but I didn’t realize it instantly and I literally took months to realize it because it was unthinkable that I spent one entire day without flashbacks like they were here all days and almost all the time. I can’t tell exactly what is doing that I have less and some days I managed to have almost zero flashbacks, but it’s done it. I have less of flashbacks and anxiety when I’m in Disneyland Paris. I think it’s really a multitude of little and big details who done it. Details to Disneyland are everywhere from the sounds to visuals. It’s really amazing these times without flashbacks! I spent my days currently with all long days some flashbacks and anxiety and these times without are so precious. It’s so good! Learn to enjoy the moment. It’s really hard with the flashbacks of my C-PTSD and anxiety to enjoy the moments in everyday life. When I’m in Disneyland Paris, I’m able and I learned to enjoy the moment. It’s easy when you have less of flashbacks and anxiety to enjoy the moment. It’s really something that I work on each of my trip. It’s for this reason that an of my favorite thing to do at Disneyland is to sitting down on Main Street USA and looking around me and just concentrate me on the right moment. I just learned to enjoy the moment and outside of Disneyland Paris also, even if it’s harder particularly these times than in the parks, I work daily on this. Fight my social anxiety. I realized that during my trip in September, going to Disneyland Paris is a helpful tool for my social anxiety. I can’t deny it with what happened to me during my trip in October during waiting for Disney Illuminations, I literally talked and argue to a disrespectful woman, the story is told in my post recap. It was the first time ever that I act like that socially! I can’t tell that the peoples are nicer to Disneyland, on the contrary, there are a lot of disrespectful peoples but I like even noticed sweet peoples and the cast members are awesome. How they work, the magic & security who try to establish help me to feel me better socially. The ambiance of Disneyland Paris makes me feel better with my social anxiety. Head me to discover what I want in life. It’s hard since years to find what I want to do in life. I’m in regression since my grandmas are passed away but it’s another story. The want to going back to Disneyland Paris multiple times, head me to discover some things that I want now in life like travel and seriously it’s helped to understand myself that I’m able to want to do something in life. Before, the only thing that it was really motivated and that I wanted to include in my life was skiing. I had not really other things who lead me to go back again and again. It’s really good to see that I’m able to have different things that I want who lead me in my life. It was really hard to have just one thing before and who is only seasonal. I’m only on the short term currently, I’m in regression since my grandmas are passed away and I ask me a lot of questions and going to Disneyland Paris currently every month is maybe the thing who saves me to continue to discover what I want to do in my life. Boost my self-confidence. I travel in solo and traveling solo helps to develop self-confidence. It’s something of really hard for me because I had absolutely zero self-confidence. But zero! My travel in solo last year helped to start building a self-confidence. And like Disneyland is a therapy place

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5 Tips When You Have Reading Troubles

I had some big troubles to read for years! But recently, I managed to read all the Harry Potter books! It’s a goal that I launched me in the beginning of this year. It was incredible! It’s crazy when I thought that I read seven books in nine months so that I have never read one single book since school years. I tried a few times but I never was able! I had big troubles to stay concentrate with my flashbacks and anxiety and I was not able to read more than one phrase and even before finish it, I have forgotten the beginning of it. Now, since that I finished the Harry Potter books, I have the want to continue reading, I have just a hard time to find what books I want to read like I never read books before. I can’t tell that I have a big love for reading but month after month, it’s really something that I loved to do and including it in my nighttime routine. Here, I will share five tips that I used and who helped me to managed reading and stay concentrate on the book. 1- Find a good method. Well! The regular method to read is paper books and a lot of peoples love this that I totally respect but when you have reading troubles is not the perfect method. Before I started to read my first book I was thinking with the new methods who are here, what I could use and be the best for me. I was not able to read on paper books and with my lifestyle that I do not love clutter, I took off paper books of my way because books are clearly a way to clutter. I finally took the way of the Kindle App with my iPad. And it’s clearly a good reading method that I found for me. There are a lot good reasons for me. I have read the seven Harry Potter books on my iPad, with the Kindle App no clutter, books are less expensive, less heavy than a book and helpful tools as the time before the end of the chapter. I love reading with this way. I considered to buy me a Kindle but I finally say no. The Kindle App with my iPad is clearly enough and always in the way do not clutter, I do not want to add another device so I can to do it with one and who works well. My first tip is to find the good method to read that could work with you. 2- Read by chapter. It’s something that I decided to do since the beginning and it’s really successfully helped me. Read by chapter, when you start one chapter, finish it. Sometimes, it was hard with the Harry Potter books and 55 minutes reading a chapter. But it’s really helped me! It’s really helped to stay concentrate and know where I am. It’s easy to forget what you read when you have memory troubles like me and read by chapter really helped. The next day when I read the next chapter, I know and remember the previous chapter. If I cut in the middle of a chapter, I totally forget what I read. It’s for this reason that I love the Kindle App because you have the time before the end of the chapter and before starting the chapter I can look if I have enough time to read the complete chapter. Read by chapter is really something that I recommend if you have memory troubles like me. 3- Set a schedule. Set an hour and number of days that you want to read in the week. Find a time in the day where you could feel good to read. I added my reading times in my nighttime routine and I loved. Set a schedule rather than read at any time of the time helps to be consistent. I noticed also that set a schedule helped my memory and remember the previous that I read. 4- Create a cozy corner. Grab cozy blankets, hot tea or hot cocoa, the best cozy cushions, slow lights and find a good position that you could love to read with and who makes you feel good. It’s just a nice way to could read and stay concentrate. 5- Find the good books. Choose and find the books who could motivate you and invest you in the activity of reading. I think it’s important to find the good books. I know you can’t tell if a book is good before reading it, but here I refer rather to the category of books that you can love, the kind of book that motivates you. I didn’t love all Harry Potter books but I like even loved to read them because I was motivated and I wanted to discover what was the story of Harry Potter. Find books who motivate you!   These are some tips who really helped me to read with my memory & concentration troubles! What tips do you use when you have reading troubles?  

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October Top Three

Happy Halloween! At the end of each month, I usually share my TOP FIVE favorites of the month. But this month, it was too hard, it was a really hard month October and I was not able to find five favorites so I reduced to my TOP THREE.   1 – Disneyland Paris Solo Trip. I talked in a travel diary and shared photos, yesterday I also shared the videos of my trip to Disneyland Paris this month. It was not a much good trip than this of September. But once again, it was in October and this month is so hard. I have like even had a good trip. I have hope that my Disneyland Paris in November helps me more than this of October. Counting down has started and I’m excited. 2 – Starting the cozy things season. The weather temperature really has started to down since mid-October, it was a lot rainy also. All the sweat and soft pants are back, and wrapping in my cozy blankets. During my trip to Disneyland Paris, I took for the first time out of the season my UGG boots, it was really good to be back with them. 3 – Mickey Puzzle. I’m a minimalist and I buy not a lot of things. But this month, I’m literally not bought me anything so last week, I decided to offer me this puzzle when I saw it on Amazon. I just finished last night! It’s the hardest but cutest puzzle that I have never done. It’s crazy hard! It’s not an ordinary puzzle where when two pieces go together they cling. All pieces are unique! I usually took less of 24 hours to do a 1000 puzzle but I took five days to do this one! It was hard but it was good also to spent a few days on a puzzle and not already finishing the next day as I do usually. Note also: that Mickey is taller than the board that I use to do my puzzles on it and it’s enough big for the regular puzzles of 1000-1500 pieces. Right! The cutest puzzle! Well! These are my October top three! What are your favorites in October? Thanks for reading!  

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October Around Here

October is around here and it’s a special hard month. I have never loved Fall season but since a few years, I have past memories directly related to my C-PTSD who done it the worst month of the year. I feel bad and have again more anxiety since my grandmas are passed away and just this month of October doesn’t help me. It’s a really hard month, since Fall last year, I tried hard to fight my demons of the Fall season, this year I have even done a trip to Disneyland Paris but nothing work. It’s not this year that I will love the Fall season. I feel really bad lately between my multiple anxiety, flashbacks and OCD, I was really thinking if I haven’t need to take back an antidepressant. It’s years now that I haven’t took a medication except my daily treatment with the Lamictal who helps me to regulate my switching mood. It’s all! I feel like in a part of my life where I need during a few times to take to help me, maybe!? I haven’t had of psychiatrist appointments in one month (one week I canceled, one week I was at Disneyland Paris and one week my psychiatrist was in vacation), today I have my first psychiatrist appointment in one month and I’m thinking to talk her about my thoughts to try an antidepressant. Because I’m really really bad lately! I’m really not motivated to go outside from home. I have taken six days after that I was back from my Disneyland trip to go outside just 5 minutes. I tried to take a walk around Fall tree colors and leaves because it’s maybe the only thing that I love in the Fall season (but not helps me to fight my demons), I was good five minutes but just after I had an anxiety attack. Right! It’s pretty hard! I spent a lot of time to edit the videos of my Disneyland Paris trip this month. I have two and they will be out this week. I’m watching a lot of Psych and Friends and a bit of Monk. Some days, when I’m bad I was watching Christmas movies to maybe forget that we are October but right now, I promised to me to enjoy Halloween movies as The Dog Who Saved Halloween, Hocus Pocus, Fun Size (I shared all my favorite Halloween movies here last year) until the 1st November and take back at this date only Christmas movies. In the part to trying to enjoy a bit of Fall is to find a good activity. Here is the type. One, pick up leaves. Two, try to form a Mickey head form with the leaves. Five minutes in a good mood on 744 hours in October. Not bad!? What has been round up in October! This weekend we have been on a spa getaway for my sister’s birthday also. It was a long time that I haven’t done a life lately kind of post with my Disneyland Paris trip this month and my three weeks trip in September. Thanks for reading!  

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Disneyland Paris Diary Fall 2019

I spent my Disneyland Paris October therapy trip from last Monday to Wednesday. I was a good trip but it’s as much as my trip in September. But it’s ok because I knew before going who could not be as much therapeutic on my flashbacks and anxiety because the month of October is a really hard month, the worst of the year for my flashbacks because of anniversary of things in my past. It’s a little helped me to reduce my flashbacks but during my trip, they were a lot here but it was best than if I was stayed in my bed. I equally lived a thing who troubled me so much, I could talk below more. I wanted trying something new for the recap of my trip and to do different than my previous trips recap. Usually, I share in different recaps by day with the serie of photos of each day. In the recap of this trip, I wanted to share the travel diary of this trip in one single post and sharing all my Fall/Halloween photos that I have from Disneyland Paris in a separate post. I wanted to try this way. You can tell me what you have to think of this new kind of recap in the comments below. It is more easy to read? Do you love it more? Day 1. A wake at 04h30 am and I took my usually TGV at 5h50 am. I went arrived at the gare station from Marne La Vallée at 08h48 am, I went left my luggage in the locker from the gare station and it was 09h00 am when I headed in Disneyland. I had the time to enjoy a little of Extra Magic Hours that my annual pass holder offers to me with less of peoples in the park. The weather was clear and I started my day by taking photos and shooting videos of the Halloween decor on Main Street USA. I headed to Fantasyland and doing my first attraction with It’s a Small World and no waiting time at 09h30 am. During I was on the way back to take a tour to the gallery of The Sleeping Beauty Castle a shower rain has started. Right! The weather was bad during my trip, rain, wind, storm. I had no problems with this (even if I was sick when I was back home). I loved to explore Disneyland Paris under the rain. It was the first time during a Disneyland trip that the weather was so bad and I was surprised and amazed how Disneyland Paris has managed his activity during the rain. I have never before seen things work so good during that it was rainy outside. No shows were canceled, I had just two who have taken a different way that the usually ways. It was really good, the night show and parades were here. I thanks so much all peoples and cast members who work hard that all work the best even under the bad weather. This first rainy time was fast finished and I’m headed to Frontierland to do a cruising time with The Thunder Mesa River Boat. I loved this cruising surrounded by the fall colors in the trees. Around 10h30 am, I headed at the Castle stage to watching my first Halloween show to Disneyland Paris “Are you brave enough?”. I watched multiple times this show during the three days because you probably know that at Disneyland, I love to sit down and watching the shows. Some days, I watched the five representations but it was not my favorite show, it was with some Disney villains but I was just here to listening the music and trying to enjoying the moment. After watching twice the show, I headed to Main Street USA to took place for Mickey’s Halloween Celebration at 12h30 pm. I loved more this Halloween show/parade than the show “Are you brave enough?”. This is a Halloween parade with a stop show on Central Plaza and the floats except this of Mickey were not my favorites but I loved the music and the ambiance that this parade gives. Doing twice by day, I enjoyed some sunny times on Central Plaza and an apple sauce before the second representation at 01h50 pm. I haven’t eaten one meal during the three full days. I have really big troubles to eat these last months now and I’m bad to this. In three days, I have eaten three apple sauces and ten mini donuts and 1/3 of a cupcake. That’s all! I tried to continue drinking but I was no able to eat even Mickey shaped food. The positive side who happened to Disneyland is that I was able to be hungry, at home I never manage to be hungry even if I eat nothing and at Disneyland I was able. I was not able to eat even if I was hungry BUT I was able to be hungry. And that’s amazing! Because to have never hungry is really hard and not motivate to eat more. After the second show, it was about 02h30 pm and I headed to pick up my luggage to the gare station and went check-in the hotel. I took the same that during my trip in September, Vienna House Dream Castle. I booked it less of 30 days before. I took a break because with a wake up at 04h30 am and I only slept two hours, and around 05h00 pm, I took the shuttle and I went back to the park for the night. I was a little worry at this moment because big rain, wind and storm were planned for the evening and I don’t know how Disneyland could manage to cancel/or not the night show and firework. But I headed and at 05h30 pm, I saw a bit of Disney Stars on Parade (I haven’t planned to saw it and take photos this day), I could enjoyed the music. The

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Harry Potter Complete Review

I’m back from my Disneyland Paris October therapy trip and this trip probably could to brings me some therapy on some things that I could not think of this way and that I haven’t again clearly identified and realized. I could share the recap later this week. Stay tuned. But now… I nailed it! I can’t believe it! I have done it! Let’s do a little recap of what I talk about. In the beginning of the year in my goals of the year, I launched me the challenge to read all Harry Potter books collection. It was a big goal because before I have never managed to read one full book and more than four phrases because of my concentration troubles and in cause of my flashbacks. I heard so much peoples talk about Harry Potter or simply peoples who tell read many books by month. Of my life, I was not able to read one full book. And I was really entrained by the idea to read Harry Potter books last year so I launched me in my goal this year. In February, after to have finished to read the first book I was unbelievable that I managed to read one full book and I shared about to have read this first book but I almost shared how I was able to read one full book with my concentrate troubles and without never to have read one before. I invite you to read this post here if you have troubles to stay concentrate to read. Ok! It was in September during my trip in the south of France after 4600 pages and 60 hours to read Harry Potter, I finished to read all books! In the beginning of this month, I also finished to watching the eight movies. In this post, I will not really to do a review of the books or the movies but I wanted to do a review of what I thought and feelings about Harry Potter and this goal. I find important to do it after to have managed this goal who is not the first one that I could managed. I read seven books in nine month! Some peoples could tell who read seven books by month, but I realized that the books that these bloggers read are not more than four hours reading and Harry Potter books are between 8 hours to 21 hours. And I never read one full book before! I haven’t done book on book, sometimes I took one or two weeks break before starting the next one, because I needed a break after read a book almost every day in three weeks. If I don’t count these break times, I think I read the seven books in seven months. When I finished a book also before starting the next, I watched the movie. I read all books on the Kindle app with my iPad. Harry Potter story?! I was interesed to read Harry Potter books because a lot talked about and loved the story. A lot of peoples who love going often in the Disney parks like me love Harry Potter but thanks not all. And me I do not love the story! Right! It’s tell, I do not love Harry Potter’s story, book after book, I realized that it was for a multitude of reasons. And the last ones were really special, I read the book where Dumbledore death the same week that my first grandma is passed away, it was really hard and after that my second grandma is passed away one and a half month later from the first, the dead and the peoples who death in Harry Potter followed without stop. Many peoples dead in each book in the lasts in the same time that I’m recovery from my two grandma passed away to one and a half month apart. It was really HARD! I don’t lived good this! I can tell, I appreciated and a bit loved the three first books but in each book after, it’s started to be more and more violent and it was really hard. I just don’t loved! I watched each movie after to have finished to read the book of the same story. And I clearly don’t liked again more the movies than the books. I found too much violent scenes and two and a half hours a movie time is too long for me, I have trouble to watch more than one and a half hour movie. Right! Another thing, after to have read during 15 hours a book with a lot of details, I found the movies with not enough of details. The Final. I don’t understand why peoples love Harry Potter and I don’t like it but I’m happy to have read the books and reach my goal. During the reading times that I included in my night time routine was good. And I loved these reading time so before I never read one book and I don’t liked to read probably because I was not able to stay concentrate. Since that I finished to read the last book about one month ago, I haven’t started to read another book again but I seriously think to continue including reading times in my night time routine, but at this moment I don’t know what to read again. Right! Another thing, London was not specially on my travel bucket list despite that it’s to one and a half hour flight from my home but now I added it and I want to travel to London and maybe even visited some studios.   I think that’s wrap my own opinion and how I lived the Harry Potter story in the same time that some events in my current life. I don’t blame these who love but I find too much violent. Do you love Harry Potter? Let me tell me why you love Harry Potter, it’s could maybe help me to understand better!  

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Social Anxiety: New Challenge

I haven’t talked a lot about my social anxiety over my blog and since a few weeks I decided to change this because it’s something who stops me big in my life. On Monday, I’m heading on my Disneyland Paris trip of October during three full days and in solo again! I’m excited to be back to Disneyland Paris. If you read my blog since awhile you see that Disneyland Paris is my therapy place. And back from my last trip in the beginning of September, I have chosen to do monthly trips to Disneyland Paris. It costs but the advantage is that with my annual pass holder I haven’t 200€ of entrance tickets but just the hotel and TGV to pay. I decided to invest in this until already the end of the year. After, I don’t know how I could go exactly, more than it will be ski season. Disneyland Paris is currently my therapy place for many reasons and one that I have discovered during my last trip is that it’s a therapy tool until my social anxiety. I talked how and why in a special post here. At the end of the post, I shared that I was ready to launch me a new social challenge during my next trip. I searched what challenge, I could launch me, one enough big and in the same time a not enormous because these last days were really hard with my anxiety and I haven’t the courage to launch me on this trip with one high level challenge. But the fact that Disneyland is a kind of therapy trip. It was important that I find one enough high challenge like even. Well! My social challenge could be… not left my social anxiety take the step on me when I want to take photos. I love to take photos, I’m a photographer! It’s an of my favorite thing to do at Disneyland Paris but because of my social anxiety, I’m sometimes limited, on the way that to take some photos under some other angles to discover the parks and things differently, I need to take some positions different and sometimes strange. And at these moments, I’m stopped with my social anxiety because I have fear of what the peoples around could think to me on these positions. It’s given me sad sometimes because I was not able to take these photos that I could want to try or develop more my creativity in my photos cause of this social anxiety. I decided to work on this very special anxiety. I think it’s a piece of my global social anxiety and that if I managed to work on this and improves my capacity to take some photos even in strange positions with peoples around me, it could really help me in my social anxiety. If I want to take a photo I must do it and not let me social anxiety take the step. That’s my next week social challenge during my Disneyland Paris trip. Right! It’s something who is important to me, right now like Disneyland Paris is my therapy place. I have done the choice completely disconnect me of social interactions who are not related to my Disneyland trip. I will take a break from blogging during all next week. I don’t know again exactly if I could be present on Instagram and with my story or I could sharing when I’m back at home, I don’t know. I have really the desire to disconnect once there with everything to take in maximizing the benefits of this therapy time. But, sometimes I want to share in my story and it’s Disneyland related, I don’t know! I decided that I could choose once there and to do what I want once there! I think it sounds good like this! Do you suffer of social anxiety? What are your favorite tips to deal with? Thanks for reading!  

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What I Learned With Three Weeks Away

In September I spent three weeks away from home and done two different kinds of trips. You probably know it already if you read my blog, I have done a five days trip in solo to Disneyland Paris and right after I went on a two and a half weeks trip in the south of France with my parents. Before going on these three weeks’ trips I was afraid that it’s could be hard to be a so much long time out of the home. I asked me how I could manage my routines who help me to survive face to my anxiety and all around. It was the first time of my life that I was like that on three weeks away from home and doing two different kinds of trips in the row. If you read my solo trip to Disneyland Paris recap, you know that after many though weeks this summer, I had an incredibly amazing time and Disneyland Paris shows me once again that it’s an amazing therapy place. And on this way, I have decided to invest me and doing monthly overnights trips to Disneyland Paris until already the end of the year. Disneyland Paris is currently my best therapy place for many little and big details, I talked about with my psychiatrist on my appointment on Monday and she encourages me to do these trips if they help me. I had my trip to Disneyland Paris where my anxiety, flashbacks were completely low and sometimes absolutely not here and it was the best time. It was hard to left Disneyland and these days with a very good mental health after previously spent some hard weeks. Following this, I have joined my parents in the south of France (around Montpellier) who were here to do a thermal cure. We went back home this weekend. A few weeks ago I saw this quote ” You can’t heal in the same environment that you made sick”. On the moment, I didn’t know what thinking about, when I saw this quote I thought between my love and want to travel and my place at home with my helpful routines. The problem when you have c-PTSD, you have not one environment that made you sick but a multitude of environments, so I didn’t know what thinking about this quote. HOW I AM FELT DURING THE SECOND PART OF MY TRIP. Right! I have talked how I felt during my Disneyland Paris trip but not on my two and a half weeks in the south of France. On the first days after to have left Disneyland Paris it was pretty hard, my anxiety was back again, but if my anxiety was back, one thing who was not back so powerful was my flashbacks. Days after days, I noticed that my anxiety was high but my flashbacks were not so much powerful. Right! They were more powerful that when I was to Disneyland Paris but less powerful than when I’m at home. It was so good! I noticed also that on the last days before going back at home and when my sister joined us in the south, my flashbacks have increased a lot more. But even if it’s started to be hard and powerful, it was pretty calm because since I’m at home I’m completely out of control and my flashbacks and anxiety are here at each second. WHAT I LEARNED WITH THREE WEEKS AWAY FROM HOME. Now, with these three weeks away from home experience, I can be related to this quote that I talked above. In the beginning, I was anxious to leave the home so long with my anxiety and routines that I have at home but this experience completely shows me this quote. It’s hard to heal in the same environments that made you sick. Three weeks it was finally not so long and my mental health was so much better away from the home than since that I’m back at home. I feel between confused and searching for a solution. I don’t tell and think that left the environments that made you sick could completely healing you. But it’s can maybe really help!? Right now, I’m in the mood that regularly left the home and environments who made you sick can helping you to heal. Right! I’m back with my idea to do some monthly overnights trip to Disneyland Paris. Outside of the fact that Disneyland Paris is currently my best therapy place that it was the first motivation of doing these monthly overnights trips, I’m in the mood that in more it’s my therapy place, in the same time I left the environments that made me sick and that I live always inside during a time, and it’s making me do a break. I had some hard times but I can tell that these three weeks away from home were amazing and it’s making me thinking more about my life and how healing. I haven’t of solutions on the long term again but right now before the end of the year. My project is to do monthly overnights trips to Disneyland Paris, it’s could do twice in one, going to my most therapy place and taking a break of the environments that made me sick mentally. After, I think it’s to see the results of this project. How I worked, How it’s helped me and after it’s could maybe let me see a bigger project for the future. Right now, looking after the end of the year gives me too much anxiety and fears since my two grandma are passed away, so I decided that I want to concentrate just on these months and not after. I want to try to enjoying the maximum of these months. What is your experience, do you healing in or out from the environment that made you sick? Thanks for reading!  

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Life Lately: In The South Of France

It’s now two weeks that I’m in the south of France on vacation. I followed this trip just after my solo trip to Disneyland Paris, I joined the south without going back home. Contrary to my Disneyland trip where I was doing always something, here it’s a trip with nothing planned. And it’s pretty good! We are living in mobil-home in a camping near the city of Montpellier. When I was little we went almost every summer in some campings for vacation but these last years, it was rather hotel. I rather love hotels but it’s pretty good to be back in a camping also. My days are not planned before, some days I do not go out, some days I’m going on the beach, some times I practice hand lettering, but I spend almost all my time to editing my photos and my videos of my trip to Disneyland Paris. It’s pretty nice! I love this time! It was a long time that I haven’t done a trip without planning my days and in the current circumstances, it’s pretty good. Just relaxing and embrace this time on travel. I haven’t really taken photos since I’m here because I’m not really doing big things and I’m again with my Disneyland photos. This trip does not justify to do some recaps so I will share just a bunch of photos of these two last weeks in a life lately post. This weekend, I’m going back home. That’s a little life lately of my past days in the south of France! Thanks for reading!  

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Travel With Social Anxiety: Disneyland Paris

Over last and this week, I shared the recap of my solo trip to Disneyland Paris that I have done in September. In this post, I will talk about my social anxiety experience during this trip. My social anxiety is something that I do not talk a lot over here and yet, it’s something who makes me down in my life. I have social anxiety since about 10 years and over the two last years, I have done so much progress and particularly since last year when I started to travel in solo. When I think to my very first solo trip that I have done in April 2018, I ask me how I was able to leave the house two nights at 700 km away with my social anxiety. Since this trip and at each solo trip, my social anxiety is going better and I deal better with. I recently realized also that my social anxiety is so much powerful around my city that when I’m in a city far from mine. I don’t know why! Maybe because around my city I have all my past. But! This is the simple explication of how I’m able to travel in solo while I feel more anxious to go to a store in my city. Well! On my solo trip to Disneyland Paris this month, my social anxiety has been more powerful on the two first days particularly than on the solo trips that I have done before. The reason is simple, I went out of my comfort zone on this solo trip. Before, I was always used to doing a few things that I have done before with my family while than during this Disneyland trip, I went out these things. In the destinations that I have chosen before, I was able to do simple things to not deal too much with my social anxiety. But with Disneyland, I had to do some new and more challenging things and things that I have never done with my family before. It was hard but at the end it was the best also! Disneyland Paris is my therapy place for my anxiety and flashbacks but I declared it also like the best place to recover from social anxiety. Seriously! I don’t know if it’s the magic of Disneyland who does this or not. The cast members are so amazing! From the guest flow to a cashier or waiter, the cast members are amazing! Their attitudes in their work make me feel good and less anxious socially. Here are the things that I dealt the more with my social anxiety during this trip and how I felt about! Hotel // I talked a bit about the hotel situation in my first recap. This solo trip has been a big change because I took four nights while on my three previous solo trips, I only took two nights but it’s not of this that I will talk there. It’s more about the hotel location. During my two solo trips in Nice in 2018, I took a hotel on the Promenade des Anglais who was very near another hotel where I was with my parents, I knew the environment. On my trip in Paris during April this year, it was the same situation. For Disneyland, it was different. Already the Disneyland hotels situation is different compared to a big city. They are just hotels awhile in a big city you have everything else around. I booked the Vienna House Dream Castle and the personnel were really nice even if I was really anxious during the check-in. The hotel is localized to 10 minutes to the parks with the shuttle but it was in the countryside with just three other hotels around. It was just something who anxious me so much this change in the hotel position. Before, booking a hotel in a big city with everything around was something who kept in a comfort zone because I knew the position about. I was never in a hotel around the position that I have chosen for my hotel on my Disneyland trip. I was really anxious in the beginning but at the end I felt really better. And I was not so anxious during my trip that I was before my trip. New Transports // I took a hotel with a free shuttle, BUT, free or not, it was something new and who anxious me. Already, before I always took hotels situation that I knew but I always have done that once on the spot, I can move in the city only by walk and without taking any kind for transports (except this from the gare station or airport to the hotel), here on this trip not! The shuttle from the hotel to the park was about 10 minutes and if I was anxious about this new thing before the trip and on the first day that I took it. The rest of the time, I felt ok about! Even, when I took at 11h00 pm, the shuttle was often full and even if the peoples around can anxious me, I liked more when it was full than empty. Annual Pass Holder // I bought my annual pass holder back in May and during my trip to Disneyland, I have it officially profitable financially. About the price of the entries in the parks! But! I have a pass holder who gives me reductions in restaurants, shops and on a lot of other things but here it’s the restaurants and shops the important. Except use my pass holder to the entrance of the parks, I have never used my reductions because of my anxiety! It was the time during this trip that I start to use this privileges of my pass holder. Right! I was anxious because I did not know how use it really. At what time when I order or buy something I must show my pass holder??! It’s can be weird but I was terrified about this. I asked me so many

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Disneyland Paris 2019: Part 3

The almost final recap of my solo trip to Disneyland Paris in September is finally here! I have again a video on the way and my post about my social anxiety. It was really an amazing and good trip to Disneyland! It’s an of my favorite trip ever that I have done! Day 4 – Wednesday 11, September. I dedicated the morning at the hotel’s pool at relaxing. I woke up around 07h30 am and I took slowly the way of the pool. Going at the pool in the hotel is something that I planned ahead my trip and it’s something who anxious me so much. I never have been during a solo trip in a hotel’s pool and it’s just something who anxious me so much. But! It’s something that I wanted to do also! Right, the challenge! When I took the way of the pool, I was really anxious, in more, it was necessary to walk by a few hallways. It was about 9h00 am, there were only two peoples in the pool. I spent about one hour, to swim and relax on the lounge chair. After one hour, I felt it was enough and I was cold, so I’m back in the hotel room where I took a bubbles bath during watching Friends. It was so relaxing! It was a few months that I haven’t take a bath because we have only showers currently in the new house. Right! I enjoyed that I had a bath tub in my hotel room to do it. Around 12h00 pm, I took the shuttle until the park and passing in front of this every day helps to have a positive mind. “Here is the world of imagination, hopes and dreams. To those who believe that when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true”. Ok! I haven’t eaten again of the day so when I was in Disneyland, I took a little walk between Main Street USA to Fantasyland to eat a sugar Mickey waffle. And I’m just stayed in a quiet corner before going to Victoria’s HomeStyle Restaurant (yes, the third time in four days) to nourish me of a Mickey Milkshake. Since it was the 11th September, I had a big thought to New York City so I took a time in the afternoon to read all the things dedicated to the city of New York in Liberty Arcade. After, it was time to wait for Jungle Book Jive shows. On this afternoon, I was supposed in my planning to go watch a second time The Lion King and Rhythms Of The Pride Lands show in Frontierland but I switched and I decided that I wanted to do my favorite thing and sitting on Main Street USA to watch Jungle Book Jive. After, I placed me for the parade one hour before and let’s time enjoy it! Between 6h00 pm & 07h00 pm, I strolled on Main Street USA, I bought what I spotted on my first day in the shops and I ate a sugar crepe as dinner before going in front of the Castle at 07h00 pm and sitting for the night show. Enjoy the life around, listening to the loops and watching the sunset and Castle starting to sparkle is amazing. I love do it! I haven’t need more to be happy! I finished the day by taking photos of the Main Street USA lights and around 10h00 pm, I left the park and I went back to the hotel with beautiful pictures and memories of these past four days in my head. Day 5 – Thursday 12, September. I packed my luggage and check-out the hotel around 09h00 am. I took the shuttle until the gare and I took a hot cocoa and croissant as breakfast and I had my TGV to go in the south of France around 10h00 am. And I was in the south around 02h30 pm and my parents who were there since before I went to Disneyland picked up me to the gare station of Montpellier. I took advantage of these four hours in the TGV to organize my photos. I could not have asked more during these fours amazing days after weeks of troubles, anxiety and rough times in all the part of my life. I was able to enjoy almost every second of these days! I could talk in another post but since I’m in the south of France, my anxiety is back but two weeks after I have again good effect on my mental health from this trip to Disneyland. Really! There are so many little and big things and details who done Disneyland Paris like my therapy place. I’m looking on my next plans in the park! What is your therapy place? Thanks for reading!   Disneyland Paris 2019: Part 1. Disneyland Paris 2019: Part 2.  

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Disneyland Paris 2019: Part 2

Let’s go to the second recap of my solo trip to Disneyland Paris this month! To do these recaps is amazing for me! It’s always hard to have left Disneyland and writing these posts help me to get in these amazing days that I had during my trip. Wednesday, I shared the first recap here with my first day! I will share two days in this recap full with a lot of shows, a few attractions, a few eating stuff, amazing cast members and a lot of positive minds all the time during. Day 2 – Monday 9, September. I woke up around 06h30 am with a really good night. I slept all night with about 07h00 asleep. It’s the first time that I slept so much on a solo trip. Before sleeping, I have done a few things. I placed a few drops of Lavender on my cushion, I turn on white sounds and I kept in the background on a low volume Friends episodes and I took with me, my Philips Hue Go lamp that I left on all night with my favorite intensity, without forgetting my favorite blanket. All that. Makes me sleep good and I was not anxious to do my first night/four in solo in a hotel. Well! I get dressed, took my medication and around 07h30 am, I took the shuttle until the parks. I went to take breakfast to Starbucks in Disney Village. And, I’m heading in Disneyland during Extra Magic Hours. My first attraction on my list during the Extra Magic Hours was Peter Pan’s Flight. I waited about 20 minutes. The longer time that I waited on an attraction line during my trip. I loved this ride! I continued by to do a few attractions in Fantasyland with Tea Cups, Le Carousel de Lancelot, and Casey Jr. I strolled on Main Street USA and go to do Phantom Manor. Before going back around the Sleeping Beauty Castle to watching the first Jungle Book Jive show of the day at 11h00 am. Right after, I took the way to wait to watching The Lion King and Rhythms of The Prade Lands show to Frontierland Theatre. It was about 11h30 am and the show does not start before 12h30 pm but about one hour it’s the time needed to wait for watching this show. This is a very successful show! During one hour, I organized some photos and ordered my lunch to pick up after the show at Vapiano in Disney Village. I already saw the show during my day trip in July but this an amazing show. I loved to see it again! The one hour waiting line worth it. The show is amazing and the entrainment before the show by the cast members is so much amazing. I headed to pick up my lunch (bolognese spaghetti, it was good) that I ordered during the waiting line to Vapiano in Disney Village and I took the shuttle to back to the hotel where I ate my lunch and take a rest during the afternoon. I equally took a 15 minutes trip to the hotel’s pool before get me ready to head back to the park for the night. Around 06h00pm, I took the shuttle to the park and I passed to grab a sandwich from Earl Of Sandwich in Disney Village. Right! I do not have even eaten half. I was not hungry and I headed to Disneyland park and instead to force me to eat the sandwich that I was not motivated and hungry, I went to buy myself an ice cream from The Gibson Girls Parlor on Main Street USA. At this time, it was 07h00 pm and the time that I wait since months was almost here. I wanted to be in front of the Castle to watch the show & firework for the very first time. So, going to sit two hours before was a perfect time! It was 07h10 pm when I went to sit down in front, the show was at 09h00 pm. I was one of the first and I managed to be in the first row in front as I wanted. Waiting two hours! No problem! Waiting the night show was an of my favorite part of the trip! I watched the life around and listening the music, I had also the time to watch one episode of Psych on my phone and eating my ice cream. And mostly! Watching the Castle starting slowly to sparkling until the night. The best! I need nothing more to be happy! Disney Illuminations was absolutely amazing! I have no real words to explain how amazing has been. It’s stunning! At the end, my heart cried of joy! It was beautiful! I stayed late again in the park after the show. It was the first time that I saw Main Street USA lights by night and it was beautiful. I waited about one hour also that the park is well emptied that I can take photos of Main Street USA by night with nobody inside. It was amazing! I had some stars in the eyes and I literally do not wanted to left the park even it was late. Between 10h30 pm and 11h00 pm, I left the park and I was back to the hotel. It was the first time that I’ve stayed so late outside alone. And you know what?! I was even not anxious! I was so surprised, staying late outside alone is an of my biggest anxiety during traveling in solo. During my solo trip to Paris in April, I was not able to stay outside after 09h00 pm, I was too anxious. And here, I had absolutely no anxiety even when I walked between the park and shuttle in the night. Some peoples were again outside, I felt good and not anxious! It was an amazing end of the day! Day 3 – Tuesday 10, September. On Tuesday morning, I enjoyed some Walt Disney Studios

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Disneyland Paris 2019: Part 1

I spent an absolutely amazing time on my solo trip to Disneyland Paris over last week! It’s crazy and it sounds unreal compared to feelings of these past weeks. I felt so good! But! My social anxiety knocks me a lot on this solo trip and I could be sharing a special post just about my social anxiety after recapping my trip. I dealt a bit with my c-PTSD during the trip. Right! Disneyland shows me again once that it’s a therapy place most that ever! Before going on the trip I was afraid because of the new challenges that I launched me on this solo trip but also because the past weeks were really tough. But Disneyland Paris helped more than ever on this trip! And leaving was really hard! Not hard like when we leave vacation to going back at home to go work because after Disneyland I directly followed on the second trip on the south of France but because I felt really good and I spent amazing times. Disneyland is the best place when you have social anxiety also! This solo trip was different than my three previous solo trips since I started to book it in April. The first one and not the least, I have always booked two nights on my previous solo trips and on this one I launched me, I doubled the dose with four nights. Four nights in solo, it was amazing! My social anxiety was powerful on this trip but at any moment I felt bad or anxious during the trip to do four nights solo. There are a lot of hidden new challenges over this trip and an of the big is the hotel location. I always took hotel locations around places I knew some trips that I have done before with my parents. Here not! I stayed at the Vienna House Dream Castle localized to 10 minutes in free shuttle. It’s a Disneyland partners hotel. The hotel was pretty good! The room, pool was amazing! But this is a hotel localized with nothing around except others Disneyland partners hotels. I have the habit to take hotels in some big city and moving just by walking during my trips, here not! I took many times by day the shuttles. But! If this situation anxious me before the departure, during the trip it does not have anxious me. It’s pretty amazing! All the bunch of challenges that you could follow during my three recaps and my special post about my social anxiety during this trip. Compared to my previous weeks, I kept dreaming and saw the positive during this trip and it was amazing. I want to be like that every day! Since that I left Disneyland and I’m in the south of France, almost all my anxiety are back. It’s pretty hard! During my trip, except a few bits of my regular anxiety, the anxiety that I developed these last weeks and my OCD were all gone during the trip. Right now! I just want to live to Disneyland. It’s a so good therapeutic place! In this way, I’m currently thinking and trying to book a trip every month at least already until the end of the year. And not only day trip like I was doing before but overnights trips. It was so much better to could to go out of the park one day and could be back in the next day during a few days. I enjoyed this trip to do more relax days to Disneyland, during my day trips, I’m always on the go all day and it’s exhausting. It was an evidence when I planned this trip that I wanted more slow down days than during just one day at Disneyland. It was amazing! I spent time at the hotel’s pool and I have not done big full days. When I wanted to stay late for the night show, it was not since 08h30 am in the park or I took a break the afternoon at the hotel. Slow down days! A negative point on this trip, it’s about the food. These past weeks, eating was really hard and it has not changed during my trip. During five days, I have done only one real meal and my food included rather a few snacks during five days. But, I eat a few stuff like even. And before the trip, I was promised me even if I have eating troubles during the trip, I could eat a bit every day and drink for not to have some kind of headache. I was surprised that with the little that I ate that I had no real headaches. Right! In reality, I have no real words to descript how amazing was this trip. It was MORE THAT wonderful! I have done a few attractions BUT I have mostly discovered the parade and Disney Illuminations, the night show with the firework and twice. I have no words! How amazing was to discover this! My heart was crying of JOY! So much these shows were beautiful! I was again during the season of The Lion King & Jungle Festival who was in the park all the summer. I watched many times the shows and particularly The Jungle Book Jive, two days I litterally watched the four shows representations of the day. Because my favorite and the most therapeutic thing to do to Disneyland isn’t run to do attractions. My favorite thing to do to Disneyland is sitting on the ground and listening Main Street loops and waiting for the next Jungle Book Jive and watching it, again and again. I know, it’s can to be weird to want to go to Disneyland just to sit down on the ground and looking the life around. But for me no! It’s clearly my favorite thing to do in life! I’m able to enjoy the right moment and having no anxiety or flashbacks during this time. Well! I think, it’s time to sharing more about

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Hand Lettering

Well! I recently talked about art therapy. Today, I will talk about a new activity that I recently started also, it’s hand lettering. It was a few months that I wanted to start and that I found a love when I looked on hand lettering. I haven’t done it before because like art therapy and drawing, I found myself bad in doing the letters and I thought that I could never manage to do hand lettering. On Amazon, I found a too beautiful book to learn hand lettering, I flashed on it so I decided to buy me. This book is so beautiful, design and with all the helpful tool for starting hand lettering. I launched me and since I love it! Thanks to the book author who example that it’s not in two weeks that we can learn but years of practice is necessary to practice well. It’s helped to know that like to draw, it’s not only in a few weeks that you learn the skills when you have never done it before but practice after practice that it’s can become better. It’s helped and encourage me to continue and it’s not because the first day I do not manage that I could not be good in hand lettering. The Hand Lettering 101 book is perfect, you have all the details to starting and in the book, you have a lot of practice pages. Really perfect when you are a beginner! I practice on the book with lines and sometimes I launch me on a separate white paper. Like I talked in my art therapy post, I practice hand lettering every two days or sometimes every day, it’s depending. I bought myself the Hand Lettering 101 book and two Tombow pens with soft and hard tips to start and it’s a perfect combo to beginner. Same that art therapy, practice hand lettering permits me to have less of flashbacks during I’m practicing. And on another note, it’s helping me psychologically to keep going if I love to do it and even if I haven’t a perfect skill in one week. I want to develop my creativity and I think hand lettering is a really good tool for it. I decided to take with me this book during my three weeks away from home. Next month and after to have practiced and practiced again on paper, I’m thinking to buy me an apple pencil to do hand lettering on my iPad also. Do you practice hand lettering? What is your favorite materials to practice hand lettering? Does have a therapeutic effect on you?  

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Life Lately

I’m pretty bad lately! Really bad! The funeral of my grandma was Friday and since my second grandma passed away, I have much more anxiety and some new different kind of anxiety. I have so much new anxiety that these new are able to be more intense than my usual anxiety about my C-PTSD. These are so much that I have developed obsessional compulsive disorder again while it was a long time that I have managed to take them away from my life. Now, it’s back! It’s out of control in my head and the first psychiatrist appointment that I had in five weeks on Monday did not help me. My anxiety is very very powerful and everything is hard. Eating, sleeping, breathing, working, all is pretty hard. I’m currently searching for helpful tools but I haven’t managed to find some very helpful. I will not put fall decor in the house before the beginning of October like I’m away all September month but I started to watching Halloween movies since about two weeks now. A cozy corner at night with my cozy blankets, Halloween movies, and a drink is pretty good. I’m just in the mood to start packing for three weeks away from home also! Thanks for reading!  

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September Travel Plans

I will talk about special plans on September. I have some solo adventures of planned and adventures like a family. At least of two weeks before the departure and my second grandma passed away it’s super stressful. We making the maximum to be right before our trips. You maybe noticed because I talked a bit about that before, in September I have a solo trip to Disneyland Paris and it gives me excited because contrary to my previous visits to Disneyland Paris it’s not only for the day. This time I booked a hotel and I’m staying four nights. It’s crazy to me! Since I started to do solo trips last year, I have never taken more than two nights. After my solo trip to Paris in April, I was thinking where I want to go next in solo this year again and in France. Next year, I want to start to travel abroad, this year I’m staying in France again. And I saw any other place that I wanted to go out of Disneyland so after many day-trips, I thought that it was time to go for an overnights trip. I had no other places that I want to go much that Disneyland Paris. In the same time and after each time to do two nights solo trips, I thought it was time to challenge me and go longer. It’s a challenge! I seriously don’t know how I feel of four nights in a hotel in solo. It’s the first challenge that I launched me on this solo trip in September and around I have a bunch of new challenges in this overnights trip to Disneyland Paris. It’s crazy all the challenges that I have planned! I could talk about later. I’m leaving for Disneyland in about 10 days. I have chosen a fun and relaxing kind of trip. Well! It’s not the only biggest adventure and challenge! After my solo trip to Disneyland Paris, I take a TGV not back home but for the south of France, because I’m joining my parents who will be in a thermal cure during three weeks there. I’m going in solo at Disneyland Paris during the first week of their thermal cure and I’m joining them for the rest of the time either about two weeks. I could be out of the home during almost all month of September. It’s crazy and anxious! This is the first time of my life that I do two different trips in the row. What the organization to know what I need to Disneyland Paris and what for two and a half weeks in the south. The thermal cure spot is next to the beach. I have nothings of planned for this trip. I decided to see what I want once there. I hope of these two weeks at the beach, a restful time of these last events with my two grandma passed away to one month apart and I’m in a serious nervous breakdown in more of my C-PTSD since one and a half month. I hope that this trip helps me to find what things I want in life, a thing that I have lost since my first grandma passed away. I question me so much about life and living! I hope this trip to find what I want. About blogging. I could be blogging until I’m left for Disneyland Paris and during my trip there I will take a break of blogging. I want to concentrate me on my challenges and take photos but I could share on my Instagram account. And I could to be back blogging once that I’m in the south with my parents. I don’t know exactly how I could to be blogging during this time because it’s two weeks and how much the wifi connection could be good (because on vacation I have always wifi troubles). But I have sure a few posts of planned and I could probably be recapping my solo trip to Disneyland Paris also. On another note, the last week my sister comes there for a week of vacation with us and she took with our cat. It’s the first time that our cat could to travel and take the train. It sounds crazy! I hope that she could to feel okay also. Crazy! This September month trips could be crazy with my flashbacks and anxiety and I hope of these three weeks Disneyland/beach/solo/and not solo vacations to have restful and to re-find positive and what I want. I’m excited! What is the longest time have you traveled?  

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Nervous Breakdown & Second Passing Away

How am I supposed to live that? One and a half month ago, my grandma is passed away by a homicide. Since this time, I’m in a nervous breakdown in more of my C-PTSD, I haven’t managed to feel better. Today, my second grandma is passed away also. I have never known my grandpas and my two grandmas are passed away to a month apart. I have no more grandparents. I’m in a nervous breakdown since my first grandma is passed away, how am I supposed to live the passing away of my second grandma?! I’m lost! It was already hard and how managed all that… Last night, I cried during one hour because I was exhausted with all my anxiety and flashbacks every day so powerful since my first grandma is passed away. It’s hard! My grandma was 88 years old and in a retirement home. A few days ago, she is falling down and break the humerus, she had equally a pacemaker and she should have an appointment to see if they could to operate it but because of his pacemaker it was not probably. These last months, I saw my grandma depressed in her retirement home. She was not good psychologically! Contrarily to my other grandma who have suffered because of her hemorrhage cerebral, this grandma is passed away during his sleep. I have never lived so much things with my grandmas, I have never slept at their house when I was a child. A few days ago, I was thinking that I could not invite one grandma for my birthday or christmas this year, that I want or not. And I had not the time to living this that I could to have no grandma at my birthday or christmas this year. It’s particularly hard because since my childhood it’s the two principal peoples of my family who was to my birthday, particularly of the fact that it’s five days apart of christmas. How managed this nervous breakdown in more of my C-PTSD. And of course like the first time it’s during my psychiatrist is on vacation that it’s happening! How live that? Have you already lived a thing like this? How did you manage this? Love you, grandma.  

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Summer 2019 Recap

The weather started to be cooler a few days with around 25 degrees Celcius and I started to work on a few projects so I think it’s time to do a summer recap. I know official summer is until the end of September but after the end of August in France it’s not summer weather and official back to school in France starts in the beginning of September. September could be a special month, I will talking about next week. Stay tuned! I wanted to do my summer recap before my next adventures. This summer was particularly hard! If you read my blog since awhile, you know now that I don’t love summer and my favorite season is winter. I talked in many posts over the summer that I felt bad! We had two crazy heatwaves in the summer with more than 40 degrees Celcius during seven days in the row each time and it was really hard, I do not support the heat. My mental health is bad, I have more flashbacks, anxiety and all. Over the summer, I tried to change my winter cozy nighttime routine and I realized that it was not good. I wanted to take advantage of the longer summer days to stay outside, doing outdoor things. But it was not good. I had a few good things but my summer was really tough! I just sit down and go back in memories until the beginning of the summer during doing this post and I realized that it’s not for one reason but for a multitude of reasons that my summer has been tough! A multitude of reasons, not necessarily visible when I think in first time. This is the first summer in the new house and under renovations on a lot of things, I was not able to do a few things that I wanted like find a cozy corner in the garden (he is completely under renovation), eat breakfast outside. Every year since a few years, on 31st July for Switzerland Independence Day, I’m going to watch the beautiful Basel firework show and I take it in photos but I was too sick and it was not able to go. I’m a bit sad! But I was really too sick with a sore throat and a big cold. I felt like if I had once again the flu. In July, my grandma is passed away also and it’s pretty tough. This is the first time that I’m facing this situation and it’s really hard. I haven’t sleep before 3 am during three weeks because at night when I closed my eyes I saw my grandma in front of me. The reasons of her passing away are hard also, I talked about here. More than one month later, I start to feel me a bit better but the healing is again long. Ok! I can’t finish this post only on this because even if my summer was pretty hard, I had some good times and some favorite things. I’m sharing my top eight of the summer! I wanted to do a top ten but I haven’t found ten things! 1. La fete de la Musique to Nice. Best.Of.The.Summer! It’s my very favorite during my trip on the French Riviera in June, we spent one night in my favorite city, Nice to attend La fête de la Musique who was broadcasted in live on the french tv. Right! You can discover more in my second recap post of my trip here. 2. Trip on the French Riviera. It was a week with beach, palms, soft ice creams, wake up at 4h00am to watching sunrises and watching sunsets. Every little thing of a beach vacation. Recap of my trip with part one, part two, part three. 3. Disneyland Paris trips. I spent two day trip to Disneyland Paris over the summer. One on 4th June and the second on 23rd July. I discovered Disneyland under the summer weather and the heatwave because on the second trip, we were in the second heatwave in France and it was around 42 degrees Celcius. It was some good days but I felt less the magic. Now that I have almost done all the season to Disneyland ( I miss fall season), I was thinking that the magic is more powerful on a cold day that a hot summer day. I’m happy to have discovered during the summer also but once again it’s not my favorite, I rather love in winter or even with temperature under 30 degrees Celcius. 4. Water park days. I spent two separate days (one in July & one in August) in a water park in Germany. To one hour drive from home, I loved these times. Water slides, waves pool, hot tub and co, the second day I spent it alone with my sister and it was again better. We extremely rarely spent time together since my childhood and have no relationship (and she is ten years older than me) but these last months it looks better. I was equally watching The Lion King movie in the theatre with my sister this summer and even if I did not loved the movie, the time with my sister was good. I have done a few things with my sister this summer including this water park day and it’s really awesome! 5. Read Harry Potter books. I read two Harry Potter books during the summer. The 5th & 6th. I just started the last book. I love my time reading Harry Potter at night generally, I tried to read cozy on the terrace outside. And it’s maybe the only change of my nighttime routine that I supported. The books were particularly emotional and again because the 6th the dead is talked but I love this time. 6. Take photos with summer weather. I really miss mountains and trees covered by snow but taking more summer weather was good, palms, beach, I took out my GoPro under the water also. 7. Ride my bike. To be honest, over these last weeks I haven’t ride

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10 Tips To Travel With Anxiety

Be the girl who decided to go for it! If you’re like me and have an anxiety disorder and everything around anxious you, traveling can to be really tough! You can even choose to do not travel because of this! These last months, I have done the choice to travel with my anxiety and launch me in the challenge of solo trips. It’s not always easy but it’s worth it! My anxiety and social anxiety can stop me on a lot of things that I try to challenge little by little. Travel after travel, I learned what things can help me to manage better my anxiety during some travel. I will share my favorite tips with you! 1. Blanket. I’m a lightweight packer so I permit to take with me my favorite cozy blanket that I use at home every day. Since I take it with me on my travel I noticed a lot of difference. I feel more calm at night, a thing who can to be hard in another bed than mine. During a relax time in the hotel room, I wrap me inside and it brings me comfort and calm my anxiety. Take a blanket can to be big in luggage but like I’m a lightweight packer on everything else, I allow myself to take it with me. 2. Plan ahead. I love planning trip! It’s can to be pretty challenging but it’s super cool to think and plan your future trip. I don’t understand peoples who take help of travel agencies mostly when it’s a trip in your own country. To me planning the trip is an entire part of the trip! But plan ahead permits you to feel less anxious or stressed to search everything around you once there. Search on the internet all information and details, like transports, food, activities on your destinations. Pinterest is also a dream place to have a lot of information and ideas but official websites of the city are also good! 3. Essential Oils. I use essential oils at home since a few months, I noticed that it’s can helping me and during my solo trip to Paris in April, I took them with me for the very first time on travel. And it was almost magic at night! During traveling, I have very big troubles to sleep so I decided to take them to try if it’s could help me. It’s done! No need to take with you your diffuser! Take just a Lavender bottle and spread a few drops on the cushions, blanket and bedsheets of the hotel. I slept almost all night with this! 4. Cozy clothes. Take comfortable clothes! I take with me only cozy clothes where I feel good inside. I realized that facing anxiety with comfortable & cozy clothes was easier than with uncomfortable clothes. All joggings, cozy sweats, with me! 5. Take reassuring objects. My blanket is my first comfortable thing to take from home on a trip but there is a lot of other reassuring objects to take with you like a stuffed plush or everything else who can bring you comfort and reassure. Take something of reassuring that you use at home regularly permits you do not to be less in the unknown and feel you more calm. 6. Download your favorite tv shows episodes & books. Downloading in advance some episodes of your favorite tv shows or books! Memories of back on my very first solo trip last year, when I arrived in the hotel room and I realized that I was 1000 miles away by myself, I started to feel really anxious. And I started to watch an episode of an of my favorite tv show and instantly my anxiety started to go down. It’s not only in the plane, to have downloaded episodes with that you can watch every time (even without WI-FI) can help you to feel more calm almost if binge watching is your favorite thing. 7. Take a break and breathe. Sometimes like on a big city trip we can plan a multitude of things to do on the same day to enjoy our trip in maximum and it’s can be overwhelming for peoples with anxiety. Take a break in a calm place or with a beautiful view and breathe, breathe. 8. Find a good packing system. To have a good packing system can to be helpful for a few reasons. It avoids again more stress and anxiety before the trip during packing time and it’s easier to find something in your luggage during the travel. To have the same packing system permits you do not be less stressful to pack again when you leave your destination. 9. Little challenge by little challenge. When you have too much anxiety do little steps, start a trip with one or two nights in the first time. During planning choose your priorities and look on what challenges you can do and select a few ones (not all in the same trip) and invest inside. It’s could to be better and more beneficial! 10. Keep in touch. Keep in touch with peoples! Let your itinerary to someone, family, friends. Let a text or make a call at someone every day. It’s reassuring yourself and peoples who can to be anxious for you mostly when travel is something new.   Well! These are my favorite tips to travel and manage my anxiety during traveling! Since I discovered the travel life, it’s my best therapy! Sometimes I can doubt myself with my anxiety and c-ptsd disorders but in these moments I like to think that at home I can to have anxiety also. It’s not only during travel! How do you manage your anxiety on travel? What are your favorite tips? Let me ideas!

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Art Therapy

The power of art therapy! A few months ago, I have let enter into my life some art therapy times. When I started, it was like a new challenge. A few years ago, my psychiatrist always asked me if I wanted to draw when I was not able to talk but I told her always, NO! because I did not know what drawing and had no creativity but because also I felt bad to draw. I’m bad to drawing, really bad, I don’t know drawing but I realize that it’s because I have never really drawn in my life even when I was a child. I read on many places online that art therapy can to be very helpful to fight anxiety and I wanted to develop my creativity also. Right! I decided to launch me finally! HOW I PRACTICE. Of the fact of this realization, I let me now the time to practice slowly. In the first time, I have always coloring but a few weeks ago, I wanted really trying watercolors, I bought me a set and I’m in love. I love watercolors! Since I started I try to do some art therapy regularly, I wanted maybe to do at least 30 minutes by day and like I practice hand lettering beside. I try to do one day art therapy and the next day hand lettering and maybe the both during the day if I have the time and the mood to do it. I recently bought me a watercolors pad and paper pad from Arteza and I love them. I place me in a comfortable corner with my favorite cozy things. Before starting I close my eyes and try to concentrate me on my breathe during one minute. About what art I’m doing… I do sometimes some things that I love like mountains or Mickey head and sometimes I do some abstracts arts. I left my mind to guide me and pick up the colors. Like I’m not a good drawer I love to do some abstracts. And it’s really made me understand that art therapy is not only for artists. WHAT IT BRINGS ME. This is the goal of art therapy! The times that I practice art therapy, I’m able to reduce my flashbacks and or anxiety a bit and sometimes completely during the time that I practice this activity. It’s depending some days, how I feel, and mostly how much are my flashbacks before starting. But it permits me to reduce them! It’s pretty good because the other activities who reduce my flashbacks and anxiety are not easy to access, so at home, I can practice regularly art therapy. Do you practice art therapy? Does it help you?  

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Social Anxiety Progress

I do not share a lot about my social anxiety over here! I talk about a bit when I do a solo trip recap because it’s in the part. A few weeks ago, I shared a few tips how I manage my social anxiety in a post here. But I didn’t talk about my social anxiety feelings more and mostly that my social anxiety doesn’t stop to get troubles to go outside and talk to peoples outside. Yes! Because my social anxiety is really present even when I must talk to peoples behind my laptop. And! Yesterday, I have done something over my Instagram account that I wanted to do since months but that I was not able because of my social anxiety. To have social interactions is really hard in life outside even if since that I travel in solo I have done so much progress and outside of my daily environment, I’m able to do very little social interactions without too much feeling me anxious. Ok! One thing to know: it’s easier to me to have social interactions when I travel solo in another city than mine, when I’m around my house I deal so much more to have social interactions. Maybe because of my past and flashbacks. My social anxiety is behind my laptop or phone also! I’m really anxious to interact with other peoples. I love to read other blogs and I like often their posts (maybe you saw it if I follow you) but I rarely let a comment on the post. It’s really anxious to me, I would let more comments but I don’t manage. Sometimes, on a good day or on a post I feel better to interact I can be able to let a comment. But like you could to saw it if I commented on your blog, these are never some big comments, but some very simple. I’m afraid to interact! I’m afraid of what the blogger could think of my comment, do have good written?… I think it’s stopping me to grow up more my audience of the fact that I do not interact a lot but I’m out of control with my anxiety even behind my laptop. I love taking photos and sharing some on my Instagram account! But here again, I deal to interact with other Instagram peoples. Since a few months, in my stories I wanted to share my favorite Instagram accounts but I was so much anxious. So, I haven’t been able to do it! Until, yesterday! Yesterday like these last weeks was a rough day, I had so much anxiety and flashbacks, the house was so noisy because we get the air conditioner installed and my cat wanted all time cuddles because she was afraid. But! In the afternoon, I decided that it could to be today, the day where I share my favorite accounts. I created my own templates and in the mid-afternoon I have done it. I shared my favorite Instagram accounts in the two principal categories that I follow peoples. Mental Health & Disney Parks. I felt less anxious to share my favorite mental health accounts because they deal with mental troubles like me but I was more anxious to share my favorite Disney parks accounts because they do not deal with mental troubles and I was afraid to how they could react if an account with mental health name could share their account. Finally, I had the sweetest messages ever! I thanks them all! The mental health or Disney parks accounts all answer me with love and thanks! And even if it’s not really what I searched by sharing their accounts more than the half to have even re-shared my story in their own story, it’s given me a few followers back on my accounts. I did not hope to that because in more my favorite accounts have generally less than 10k followers. It’s really nice! I had the sweetest messages in DM also of them. It was really friendly to do it and I think I can tell that it’s a progress in my social anxiety! I feel now again better socially and like I’m ready to do more social things! Do you have social anxiety behind your laptop?  

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15 Things To Do On Bad Days

We all can have some bad days! I had a lot of bad days these last weeks. These last months, I developed for myself a list of things to do on bad days. I’m sharing 15 of my favorite things to do on bad days here. Wrapping in cozy blankets. Take a nap. To do a puzzle. Watching bloopers of your favorite tv shows. Reading positive and motivational quotes. Go on a walk. Starting to plan the next trips. Look at photos of good memories. Declutter and cleaning the house. Develop creativity. To do a grateful list. Find a new skill to learn. Coloring. To do a favorite activity. Read.   What is your favorite thing to do on bad days? Let me ideas in comments! Thanks for reading!  

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Amazon Favorites Lately

It’s a long time that I haven’t done a post where I share my favorites. It’s almost over one year ago that I shared my last Amazon favorites lately also. Amazon is the place where I buy the more of things! I have an annual Prime abonnement who must be renewed this month then. I love to buy different kind of things from Amazon but there are some categories that I avoid because I haven’t enough confidence like clothes except if the shop is directly the brand shop that I know. I have noticed that I have delivering problems also when these are some really big packages so I avoid also. But between there are a lot of favorites! I’m minimalist and not an overbuying in general so I haven’t a lot of things to show to do a post like this one regularly. Lately, I have rounded up finally some things that I bought on Amazon (the three last months) and sharing them on today. ONE // Philips Blender. A few weeks ago when I started in the smoothie world I had a really basic blender and after a few weeks to use it almost daily he didn’t support it and the texture was not nice. I looked during a few time before found an easy, good and affordable compared to the Vitamix where I was not in the mood to put 600€ in a blender. Under 300€ the ProBlender from Philips is really good. I use it since about one month now and I’m happy, the smoothie’s texture particularly these of the smoothie bowls is pretty amazing! TWO // Paper Mate Flair Pens. I love Paper Mate Flair pens! I have some multiple colors in 0.7mm and I saw that there are some with 0.5mm. I bought me one Candy Pop package for hand lettering. THREE // Amazon Basic iPhone Charger Cables. I don’t know if it’s me but I have always some problems with my iPhone charger cables. Since over 6 years that I have some iPhone I had always some official Apple charger cables but every six months they were broken. I got really tired to buy 25€ one charger cable who is good only six months. Yet, I decided to try the Amazon Basic cables at only 15€ a pack of two cables (I have always one that I keep at home and one that I take in travel). I was afraid to try an unofficial Apple stuff with my iPhone but I launched me. I use it since about two weeks and I’m satisfied with these cables. My iPhone works the same and the charging time is the same that with an official Apple cable. FOUR // Card SD. I have a ton of Cards SD for my DSLR between my summer travel and Disneyland Paris last trip I had the need to buy me another one. I love the SanDisk cards! I generally buy me only a 32GB even if I took billion of photos and videos because I don’t love to have a ton of photos over six different travel on the same card. I prefer to change it every two travel. Stored and labeled, it’s easier to found the one that I need. FIVE // Coconut Bowls. I searched since a few time some bowls for my smoothie bowls. I have finally found these coconuts bowls and they are beautiful. I love them! Organic and delivered with wooden spoons, I took a pack of two, they are also beautiful to photograph or in the home decor that I love. SIX // Mickey Cookie Cutter. If you read my blog since awhile you know that I go at Disneyland Paris regularly and I love Mickey Mousse. Between each trip, it’s hard to do not see Mickey, so I try to do some things to keep the magic of Disney in my daily life. With my eating disorder, eat Mickey shaped food is a helpful tool to try to reconcile me with food. Right! I bought this Mickey cookie cutter to transform my food and particularly sandwiches, french toasts, pancakes in Mickey shaped food. It’s cool! SEVEN // Philips Hue Go Smart Dimmer Switch. I have a Philips Hue Go Lamp that I love so much, I talked about why here. Before I used my iPhone to use it and when we moved into the new house, I decided to buy me a smart dimmer switch. I love it! It’s really practical, you do not need to use the phone app all the time. I can turn the light on and off without my iPhone and can switch easily my favorite colors predefined in the phone app and by I can directly reduce or increase the intensity of the light, it’s really cool, me who since that I have an Apple Watch, I try to reduce my iPhone utilization. This switch is really practical! EIGHT // Arteza Brush Pens. Over the last months, I tried a few different kinds of colors pens to practice art therapy and hand lettering. I love these brush pens from Arteza, come in different colors, they are good to do small draws or coloring. It’s fast to lack of ink but they are good and I love them! NINE // Harry Potter and The Half Blood. I’m at the sixth Harry Potter book. I have almost finished and I’m not able to tell again if I love it or not. Right! I’m excited that I’m at almost the last book!   These are my favorites lately on Amazon! What is your favorite thing to buy on Amazon?   This post contains affiliate links.  

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Summer Vibes

Summer is almost over! I insert an exciting mood that the summer and particularly the weather start to get cooler. I have learned a few things during this summer season and particularly that summer season is not good for my mental health. The high temperatures increase my flashbacks, anxiety and all along. We had two big heatwaves in France and I hope that it was the last one this in July. The temperatures were risen more than 40 degrees Celcius and during about 6 days in the row in each heatwave. In more in the new house, we do not have again the air conditioned. It was as much hot inside that outside of the house. It was hard! All these high temperatures were not good! I tried to enjoy in maximum the “summer things” but it was pretty hard! Because I have learned also that my nighttime routine that I developed this past winter, helping me to reduce my anxiety in general. During these summer nights, I tried to change it with longer days, to spent time outside and to do some other things but it was not good. Its increase my anxiety! I tried to relax, read, ride my bike outside on nights but it was not good. The best is my winter routine! Initially, I thoughts that my winter cozy nighttime routine was better but I wanted to try to change and do not keep in the routine during the summer season. I tried but it was not a success! I tried! That’s good?! I think, I definitely concluded that the summer season is not good for my mental health when I was back of my Disneyland trip in July under the heatwave and that I haven’t felt so much magic then usually. One thing that I love going at Disneyland, it’s the magic who helps me to keep a positive mind. These days, during planning my big Disneyland trip in September, I thoughts at all the day trips that I have done, I was now at Disneyland during almost every season, winter for my birthday, spring and summer, I miss just fall and I’m excited to discover by this season. But during my two summer day trips, these are the days that I felt the less of magic. That’s the fact! Hot days are not only not my favorites but they are not good for my mental health!   What I loved to do during the summer season were the water things, eat ice creams, smoothies and ride my bike by day and spent more time outside, s’mores, watching sunrise and sunset and beach times. Wear summer clothes was nice also and spending quiet time under a tree. And going at Disneyland was good even if I felt less of magic! Do you love summer? I’m curious, do hot temperatures increase your anxiety? Thanks for reading!  

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Life Lately

Life lately was special and rough. Right now, I’m sick since three days, I spent all my time in my bed, when I’m able to eat I eat also in my bed. The other day, I haven’t slept all night, by day and night I’m watching a thousand episodes of Friends. Last night, I was too sick so I was not able to go watch and take photos of the firework of Switzerland Independence Day in Basel like I done it every year, look on a photo of last year here. I’m sad because I love it so much and it’s on my top summer bucket list, but instead of I have shown to my parents a few videos of Disneyland Paris and it was pretty good to share this with them because I haven’t really done it again and sharing a bit what I love about Disneyland. It was good! My grandma passing away is always hard to live, I have some multiple feelings about this and the death. The brother of my father has come at home to talk more about the circumstance of his passing away AND I was shocked! Shocked on multiple points! My grandma passing away is a homicide. This is a person who was supposed to be in a psychiatric hospital and not in a retirement home in a service with Alzheimer’s disease peoples, she pouched big and my grandma is falling down. After to do some radiography because she felt not good, they saw that she had a hematoma in her brain. She’s passing away a few hours later and in the suffering. It’s specially hard to know that she has suffered during all the time. So hard! I’m feeling that I will put some longs weeks to recover of my grandma passing away and all the story. In more, now the story is not finished, it’s in the court. Monday, I had my first psychiatrist appointment since one month. A few days before, I spent an email to my psychiatrist to tell her about my grandma passing away and my feelings about. I have done this because I know that I could not to talk about during the appointment. I talked in my blog post here that I was maybe ready to talk to my psychiatrist about my flashbacks but two weeks after I’m not able anymore. A too long time is passed between the day and my psychiatrist appointment on Monday. This therapy day was rather good. The appointment was correctly good, but not enough! I have done a little self-care also, on the train back home I decided to put more money and take a more comfortable train and sit. It was awesome! And I tested the Frappuccino Cookies & Cream from Starbucks. It was pretty good! Right! Baking Mickey cookies is so good for the mind! That wraps this life lately, I hope that I could breathe correctly soon and the sore throat could calm down. Thanks for reading!  

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Laguna Water Park Day

What I want to include more in the summer season is more water fun! Last week, I spent an afternoon in Laguna. Laguna Badeland is a water park located in Weil Am Rhein, Germany. Living at 40 minutes away of drive. I love going in Germany or Switzerland! It’s only about one hour drive between my home and these two countries, living at the border of three countries. It’s can to be cool! I spent about 4 hours to swim in pool, wave pool, hottub. I rided many times on a back hold slide and a running river slide. I was exhausted at the end! Swimming is hard, I have so much physical pain after. My arms and legs hurted me a few days again after the water park day. The recovery is long! But I loved this time! It was fun! I surprised me to smile on the slides and want to do it again and again. Next priority after a water day in summer, it’s eating ice cream. Heading home in the evening. I haven’t really some photos but I shooted videos with my GoPro so check out my video below. Right! I want to go again! It was a success!   

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Life Lately

The life lately has been specially hard! The daily life with my flashbacks who have been powerful was rough! My grandmother passing away was hard and the funeral yesterday afternoon was really hard. Further, the 14th July Bastille day in France do not call all for fun, except it was rainy Sunday afternoon, a very lot of my thoughts were directed toward my favorite city. It was 3rd Anniversary of the terror attack on 14 Juillet 2016. Each 14th, I need to think about Nice and it’s really hard. I cried so much because I love this city and I’m sad of this event. I cried so much before fall asleep on Sunday night. I was in a mix to tried remember memories about my grandma (with the funeral on 15th July) and my sadness to Nice. I cried all the night before sleeping! The funeral was yesterday afternoon, it was so hard, during all the ceremony I wanted to cry. I haven’t again managed to identify what feeling I have about the situation. I’m bad but not really sad! During the funeral, I saw many peoples of my family that I haven’t seen since years. I was not in the best mood to saw them but I was happy to see that everyone together cried to my grandma passing away. I have learned also by what way my grandma is passed away. That gives me a sadness feeling! I was shocked also! My grandma had Alzheimer’s disease but it’s not for this principal reason that she is passed away. She has done a cerebral hemorrhage after to be falling down. I learned the half of her face was black. They have decided to pay for she looks better. On another side, I ask me a lot of questions about my grandma, my grandma travels, if a day she has been at Disneyland. Like I’m in a travel mood currently in my life, I have a few of these questions in my head. The rest of my life lately. This week, I launched me and I started to do some watercolors. I wanted since a few months but like I never buy a thing when I’m not sure that I want to use it. I took a few months before to decide myself. Last night, I tried to do some watercolors with all I had in mind about my grandma. Coloring is something who help me to reduce my flashbacks. I love watercolors! I have done recently an electromyogram of my arms because of all my pain inside. All was good and the neurologist think it’s maybe more my tendons. From 4th July to 14th July red, blue and white mood. But on 14th July, I was not really in the mood. I bought me a new suitcase size for my big Disneyland Paris trip in September and my next travel. I had only one hand luggage and it’s small on some travel. Not because I took many things with me (I took four t-shirts for a trip of seven days) but because I took always with me during my travel an of my cozy blanket, to sleep better when I’m not in my bed and for my anxiety and with the material of my DSLR is right big. So, first priority when I bought a new suitcase it’s to see that my blanket go inside with my DSLR and that I have again enough of space. I love this suitcase, I can’t wait to use it. What I love in Samsonite suitcases there are a few genius storages. I wrapped Harry Potter and the Order Of Phoenix and I started Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I spent big times of my day to editing the video of my summer trip on the French Rivera. I’m happy! I love to take photos but also create videos of my trips. It’s in another mood! You can find the video here. That wraps this special life lately that I dedicate to my grandma. Love you, grandma. Are you already lost your grandma? How did you feel about? How have you managed? xo  

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Passing Away & Memories

Today, my grandmother is passed away. I don’t know how I feel about this situation! I think I need to talk right now even if it’s happened today. It’s the second time in my life that I saw a person passing away but the first time I was eight years old and it was the husband of my other grandmother who was not my biological grandfather. I was afraid of this guy. So, it rather the first time that psychological I saw someone passing away. And not the less important person. My grandmother was the sweetest member of my family in my childhood. I did not see her often despite to live about 15 minutes away because of family problems. She has never given me gifts (or maybe once time in my life) for my birthday or christmas. She has never given me cuddles. But she always talked to me with sweet words. In the world of bullying at school and in my family all my childhood, one person who talks to you with sweet words is the best even if she never bought you gifts or given you money. My grandmother is the only family person who doesn’t appear in my flashbacks but in some simple memories. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s disease since a few years now and was in a special retirement home. The last time that I saw her it was about two years ago. It was hard to see it like that with my own mental illness, she started do not recognize her own family. It was too hard to saw her in this state and I did not manage to go see her again. – I cried many times but I’m not particularly sad. On another side, each time that I cry my anxiety get worse again so that it was high already before. I ask me if crying and to be more anxious after it’s my own way to be sad, like I live in an anxiety world. I don’t know if it’s selfish but with her Alzheimer’s disease I ask me if it’s not better for her and maybe to stop his sufferings. I know the suffering and it was super hard to saw her in his state. – Currently in my life, I try to stay positive and find positive inspiration. My positive inspiration about the dead is to reach your dreams and don’t wait. Don’t wait too long and do what you want and love. If you dream to travel don’t tell you that you will do it when you could be old (I hear so many peoples around me told that). It is a good sign that I had today my new suitcase for my big Disneyland Paris trip in September and many others travel?! Currently in my life, I fiind travel as a therapy, I think that I have received my new suitcase on this same day to show me that it’s now that I must travel if I desire to do it. Ok! I ask me if with this family loss, during the next weeks I could take advantage to talk at my psychiatrist about my flashbacks.   Thanks to a friend who told do not feel me guilty because I’m not sad and that each person reacts differently about the dead. Grandma I will miss you, thanks to have been so sweet, I love you so much!  

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Heat Wave & Pool Date

I will start my beach vacation recap this week but before I want to share this post! Because we’re in a current extreme heat wave in France since one week and it’s not again finished. We’re at 40 degrees Celsius in the afternoon and already about 30 degrees Celsius at 08h00am only. It’s crazy! And I do not support it psychologically! I realized that my flashbacks and anxiety are again more powerful with this heat wave. It’s really tough! It started just the day when we’re back at the home from vacation. Last Tuesday, we’re come out of an air conditioned plane to a tarmac with 40 degrees Celsius. I was in a mood to go in the water to refresh me. Next day after to be back at home, I asked to my sister if she wants to go at the public pool with me. Two things! One, the last time that I was in a big public pool it was two years ago and I did not feel me good. Second, I have no relationship with my sister and I very rarely talk to her or do something with her despite she comes at home every Sunday. I launched me, after my vacation with my parents, I was in the mood to go out with her. We went at 10h30am until 02h00pm where it started to be really too hot. We ate Mc Do on a picnic for lunch directly in the garden of the pool. It was a really nice time! We did not have talk to each other so much, I tried to go towards her and I saw compared to some other times, she has done progress and tried to communicate a little. It was a really nice time and I could remember it! It’s staying in my heart and it’s for this reason that I have done this post before my vacation recap. Another note, now I want to take again more underwater photos with my GoPro. I love it!

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A Day In The Life – Disneyland Edition

This kind of post it my favorite to reading on other blogs. I love to see how other peoples deal and manage their routines during one complete day. Last year, I have done a day in the life post at each season but this year I was not in the mood to do it. We’ re in the middle of the year and I have done any post like this again. The other day, I thought, why not to do it on a special Disneyland day. My Disneyland days are precious for my mental health. But it’s not some easy access days! They are full and shake up complete my daily routines. I have to face anxiety including my social anxiety. But these are the best ones! The next day followed my Disneyland day last week, I was thinking about my day during editing my photos and I realized that I had ZERO flashbacks during all the day! It’s not happened since months! However, on this day I could have been destabilized on a few situations. But not! I was just good! And my mood was good all the time! It was so good and it’s precious a day like this! I’m grateful to have chosen this day to do a day in the life post, not because it was at Disneyland but to write down my feelings on this particular amazing and different kind of day that usually. My Disneyland day trip was on Tuesday, June 4. On a Disneyland day like this, I setting my alarm clock at 04h15am. 04h15 early that usually at 08h30am. Ouch!!! It’s hard but right it’s for going at Disneyland. I take my medication, get dressed and to do a few morning things. I left home for the gare station at 04h45am for to be around 05h20am. I have my TGV at 05h42am. Before I grab breakfast in the boulangerie at the gare station to eat it in the TGV. On this morning, I had a beautiful sunrise show view during the TGV touching 320km/h speed. Right! I live at 500km away from Disneyland. I have 3 hours of TGV, I try to continue a little my night or see a last time my plans for the day before going in or I simply look the view outside. At 08h42am, I arrived at the gare station of Marne La Vallée, at two minutes walk of the Disneyland Paris park and Walt Disney Studios Park. On this morning, I was again more excited and nervous than during my two previous day trips because I had my first ever annual pass holder that I got a few weeks ago in my mailbox. And I was excited to use it and use the magic hours. On my previous trips, I had to wait that the park opens at 10h00am but this one just arrived, I could to go already in the park. I was nervous because I didn’t know what entry to take with a pass holder. There the principal entry who opens at 10h00am, the entry for the hotels but I didn’t know for the pass holder. Finally, the same entry that the hotels was good. It’s just before 09h00am and I’m in the park. I feel always in a dissociation time at this moment. Because never before last December I could have thinking that I could to be here in Disneyland Paris and in solo. On the beginning of the morning, I have the habit now to snap a few photos on Main Street USA during the walk until the Castle. Right after, I started to go in Fantasyland because it’s my favorite part of the park with Main Street USA and it’s the land where there are the more of attractions open during magic hours. For this first time in the magic hours with my pass holder, I decided to go in my favorite land. My first attraction of the day, I decided to do it’s a small world to start the day with the heady music. Next, I have done Le Carousel de Lancelot. I took photos of Fantasyland during a bit moment and around 10h00am, I left Disneyland park to go at the Walt Disney Studios park. During leaving the park, I thought it was so calm during magic hours and it was so nice to walk with just a few peoples in the park. I was so happy to have experimented the magic hours because it’s amazing! And I do not regret to have to take a little more expensive annual pass holder to have the magic hours in more. Arrived in the Walt Disney Studios, I went on the first attraction that I wanted to do, Studio Tram Tour. I love all about behind the scenes and co, it was my first time and I loved the tour in the tram with some special effects scenes during the tour. Right after, I went to do the attraction Ratatouille with only 2 minutes waiting time in the single rider line. I love this attraction! I have done it on each of my last trips and I decided that it’s a ONE that I could to do each time that I go at the parks. I love it and it’s so fast with the single rider line! It’s in some moments like this that I love to be alone in Disneyland and enjoy by my own. I spent the rest of the morning to take photos inside the park and at 11h30 I went to see the Moteurs, Action… Stunt Show Spectacular. It was a crazy amazing show with stunts.   At 12h00pm, at the end of the show, I tried to find something to eat and I have chosen a sugar marvel waffle. It was fun and tasty! The weather started to be really hot at the mid-day. At 12h50, I went waiting to see the SuperHeroes show. It’s actually the season of superheroes in the Walt Disney Studios. After 20 minutes waiting, a cast member comes to tell that the

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15 Ways To Hygge in Summer

Welcome! I’m Marion and I love cozy things! I’m obsessed with the Hygge concept! The hygge is often associated to fall and winter seasons with cozy blankets, candles, and all the cozy things. Although, it’s one reason (just one reason not all) for that I don’t love the summer season. Well! Last summer, I worked on my bad summer feelings and tried to find what I could to do to feel good and cozy in the summer season. To love it a little more! Finding ways to practice hygge during the summer was the best way! Winter is always my favorite season but I feel excited when I think at summer. I will share my favorite ways who brings me little happiness and cozy as if I was wrapped in a cozy blanket with a hot cocoa during the summer time. I realize that even if winter is more favorable to practice hygge spirit, there are so much simple and easy things to do it in the summer season also who can bring you cozy and a comforting feeling. These are my favorite ways to hygge during the summer! You missed my summer bucket list check out here. What are your favorite ways to bring cozy during the summer time? I would love to hear your ideas!  

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How Minimalism Improves My Mental Health

I recently started a new blog series where I share how a random of things help me to improve my mental health. Today, I will share how minimalism improves my mental health. I’m minimalist since about six years now and minimalism is not only to have nothing in your house. There are different intensities of minimalism! Some peoples have the vision of just a bed in a bedroom is minimalism. No, it’s not! My level of minimalism is to think to have just what I need and want and who sparks me joy. I do not want to have twenty t-shirts but eight is enough. Eight that I love, eight that I wear. I do not love to have things in double. I hate to have things that I don’t love or that I do not use regularly. Sometimes, it’s can to be great to break the rules of minimalism when you are minimalist but I could talk about this in another post soon. I haven’t grown up in a minimalist lifestyle, on the contrary, my parents have so much stuff. I started minimalism in my teen age when I was in depression with suicidal ideas. Even if it’s not helped me to recovery completely of my depression and now I understand that it’s because of my traumas, minimalism it’s the thing who calm me. Minimalism has so many benefits on my mental health in daily life. I will share them what you! Calm my mind. Probably the more impressive benefit of minimalism is calming my mind. Living in minimalism has helped me to manage better my BPD moods switching. Find you in a clean and decluttered room when you feel bad or depressed help you to think clearly. It affects positively my mood! When I’m in my parent’s room full of stuff my mood is bad, I feel often angry and on the way to cry. When I’m in my room, I feel in a better mood and I’m less angry. Minimalism calm and left entry positive in my mind. Exercise to self-control. Minimalism with mental illness like BPD, C-PTSD or depression can be hard some days. It’s true! It’s known that these mental illnesses give you addictions and particularly binge buying anything. Some days, when I’m really in some though daytimes, I can want to buy me anything. I just learned to self-control! Control myself and don’t buy things when I’m bad because I know that it’s something that I couldn’t love or use it. Help me to find what gives me happy. Minimalism helped me and constantly helps me to find what really gives me happy. Not things but adventures! A big advantage to apply minimalism in daily life is to could save money of the fact that you buy less of things and put more money on travel and adventures. It’s out of my comfort zone but discovers, travel and to do new adventures is what give me happy. I recently posted a photo on Instagram where I shared the other day that instead of buy me a new pair of sneakers I used the money for buy me train tickets for a second day at Disneyland Paris this summer. It looks maybe not so much like this but Disneyland is my happy place and I know that I could not wear sneakers every day almost with summer season who coming but I could think at my memories of my Disneyland day every day after the trip. And that’s what gives me happy. Less clutter, less stress, more enjoy. It calms my mind and helps me to manage better my mood in daily life but minimalism helps you to have more time during a day. Having less stuff is equal to have less things to do! I think particularly on cleaning the house. Since I have a de-cluttered room, I love even to vacuuming or folding laundry AND it can calm my anxiety make these tasks! I have less of stuff, I use less of time to do them and I discovered that I love to do them because I know that I could to do it in a bit time so I enjoy to do them also. I enjoy cleaning!   Minimalism has benefits to developed my happiness and calms me in daily life. It’s learned me many things about the life! I’m happy and proud to tell that I have a minimalist lifestyle. Like tell above minimalism is not only a bed in a bedroom with white walls even if it’s can be at the beginning of the process you learn gradually what minimalism brings you and at what level of minimalism you want to be. A few months ago, I watched the minimalism documentary, I loved it but I find extremely the guy who told just one pant is enough. I need a little more, I have four different kind pants and it’s enough. Less than four I feel like something is missing me BUT I don’t want more, I find too much and I could even not wear them. Minimalism is to watch rather in streaming than buy dvd. Minimalism is to have only things who spark joy or that you use regularly. Minimalism is something to learn and to find your own balance between your minimum and when it’s too much or anymore necessary to buy. The journey towards minimalism can be hard sometimes and can need time to find the best balance BUT it’s completely worth it! I could be encouraging every person to launch in this journey! Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.  

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Positive Affirmation Challenge

I don’t know how quotes have the power! Since I started to use motivational quotes it’s changed my life! I already talked a few times on my blog. I included quotes in my life since a few months now and it’s really helpful. On the tough days and even on the good days where it helps me to continue dreaming and reach my goals. This week, I told that I will stop my monthly goals during summer months to take a break and I feel full of adventures with my summer bucket list. But also! Next month, I will do a special challenge. Right! I read and read many motivational quotes by day with my motivation quotes app. I have equally a Pinterest board dedicated to quotes but in June I wanted to do a positive affirmation challenge. I read quotes daily and this challenge is not only reading quotes but say 5x a day a positive phrase. I want to see if this challenge can help me to change my mind around again more positive. I’m not sure if it could help me to reduce my flashbacks daily but I want to see also if during the flashback times it can help me to have a different and positive attitude. To survive at them! Have you already done a positive affirmation challenge? Do you want to join me during this challenge!? I could share the phrases on my Instagram quotes account, @brightlightandquotes!  

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Life Lately

There have been definitely a ton of different things and moods! First, I will start with the more exciting. If you read my blog since a while you know that this year I have moved for the first time of my life and if explore my new neighborhood was in my goals since a few months, I haven’t been able to do it because of my flashbacks who touched me hard some days and I did not want to go out of my house and because of my social anxiety. After more than three and a half months, I finally managed to do it! Last week on an afternoon, it was sunny and I was decided to ride my bike for the first in my new neighborhood. I cycled during 40 minutes and took a few different roads to see until where they go. I have discovered the prettiest ride/walk. Around of my old house what I loved it was that there was a forest where I could ride my bike, I loved particularly in summer because during the heat, ride under the trees from the forest it was refresh. But here, it’s again better, I found a ride with shady trees and next to there is even a river. It’s too cool! I love it! Yesterday, I took a second ride again, and I can’t wait to go discovering new rides. On another less successful note! I was disappointed by my psychiatrist appointment again on Monday. I’m exhausted about this. Have you ever been disappointed by your psychiatrist? I emailed my psychiatrist that I wanted to space more the appointments, about every ten days instead of every week and she gives me only four appointments in the next three months. I’m disappointed and exhausted by this behavior. On Sunday it was mother’s day, we took my mom to the restaurant but it was to make pleasure to my mom because I don’t like the restaurant. With a special mother’s day menu we stayed two hours in the restaurant, I hate this! A thing that I don’t like in the restaurant is when you do not finish your plate, the waiters ask you always if I was not good. Ok! I have the right do not eat a lot and don’t finish my plate. Each time the same story. I don’t like restaurants! New house, new environment. My cat looks like she feels really good in his new environment and backyard. She climbs at trees (a thing that we do not see her do before because we did not have trees in the backyard), jumps, climbs, jumps, napping outside overs the sun as she loves. The other afternoon I had a want to photographing her outside in his new environment. Since I started my goal to use more my DSLR, I want to use it every day. Right! I thinking it was a good way to take photos of my cat outside. I loved this time where I followed my cat outside. It was a sweet time! I love the USA, I love to do something special when it’s a holiday there. On Saturday for memorial day weekend, I baked some red, blue, white cupcakes. I loved this time! But my best is to see my progress about the frosting practice! A few months ago, I was the worst about frosting, practice after practice it looks so better and I’m proud of me. I’m so happy, I love cupcakes frosting! Well! Lately including also a lot of smoothie bowls, loving folding clothes, drawing to express my emotions and trying to fight my flashbacks day after day. I think that wraps it! Thanks for reading!  

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Summer Bucket List 2019

Hi! You probably know that I love to do lists! I have done recently a bucket list before I’m 30. A big, crazy bucket list! Right! I love to do seasonal bucket lists. Right now, I think it’s time to switching from my spring bucket list to my summer bucket list. Summer is not my favorite season, winter it is. But summer is the season that I’m the more excited to do a bucket list. To be honest, I love a little bit summer, I love to do some special things during the summer season. If during the depressing days it’s hard, I really try hard to enjoy the outdoor times. I work, eat and just spend time outside on sunny days. I love to do different outdoor activities! And try new adventures! It’s a special summer because it’s the first summer in the new house. Create a bucket list permits me to have goals and help me to move out of my bed on bad days. Talking about goals, during summer months, I will stop to do my monthly goals, I want to do a little break and with this bucket list, I have what I want to do during the summer. Right! I think, I’m ready! This is my summer bucket list! What is on your summer bucket list! I would love to hear your ideas and plans!  

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10 Things I’m Grateful Right Now

Well! It was not the kind of post I planned for today. Last night, I got tired to have again sleeping troubles since a few days because after one month to have been in real sleeping troubles, last week I have finally found a night routine to calm my sleeping troubles. But since a few days, it’s back! I was angry and depressed last night to not easily fall asleep because I know that I need absolutely 08h of sleep so I couldn’t be wake up before 10h00am and it gets me angry because I don’ like wake up me so late. I tried to start to calm me and to stay positive. In this way and because the last time that I did a post about what things I’m grateful it was last November, a little time so I could to choose 10 things I’m grateful right now and share it in a post on my blog today. It’s like that this post is born. I try always to think for what I’m grateful when I try to stay positive in daily life but I do not share a lot here because it’s more or less the same things. Snuggles with my cozy blankets. The happiness that Disneyland gives me. To do parallel turns and progress during this ski season. To have been good on my solo trip in Paris. Modern Family is renewed for a season 11, Law and Order: SVU is renewed for a season 21. To feel me rather good in the new house. To understand a few things since that I’m diagnosed with C-PTSD. To take photos. Motivational quotes exist. To have a minimalist spirit.   These are ten things I’m grateful right now! What are your grateful things right now? I would love to hear your positive vibes!  

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Favorite Mental Health Apps

The other day during talking about my flashbacks my psychiatrist asked me if I already tried to use a meditation app. Yes! I use a few mental health apps, meditation, mood tracking, and co. I have a few favorites! I always try to use apps who are easy, smooth, and fast to use. I love basically journalling with some apps on my phone but I try do not spend hours on my phone during my days so I love apps that I can register easily and in a few minutes. I’m sharing my favorite apps. Moods. I try to get into the habit of journaling before bed every day, not always easy but I try! Moods is my favorite tracking mood app! It is simple, easy, minimalist. Moods helps you to track your mood by asking how do you feel. The app proposes you a large choice of moods and you can add yours too. You can add a few writing notes if you need to develop. You have some weekly reports and monthly reports. The bonus of this app is that it’s available on Apple Watch so I can add my mood directly by my Apple Watch. Motivation. Probably, my favorite app in my phone! Motivation is a quotes app, you have a bunch of inspirational quotes. I set a reminder to receive automatically some new quotes three times by day. You can change the theme background and fonts and you can save your favorite quotes, share them on Instagram or by text. Really my favorite app ever! Reflectly. A second mood tracking like the app moods but with a different design and a little more complete because with Reflectly you can add what activities you made during your day, you can write notes about your activities and each time at the end you can answer at a unique question asked who gives you a little reflection on yourself. MindShift. This app is a helpful tool for people with anxiety. You can check your mood of the day, track your level of anxiety, write your symptoms and the app proposes a lot of relaxation strategies and coping activities. You can fix you some goals and learn more about anxiety. Oak. Oak is a mindful meditation app, including breathing exercises and sleep sounds also. The app gives you badges when you have accomplished goals and track your meditation time. There is not a lot of different meditation exercises but I love the main so it’s enough for me and I particularly love the narrator’s voice. I use the sleep sounds for fall asleep also.   These are my favorite apps who are great tools for my mental health! Talking about technology did you read my post where I share how my Apple Watch improves my mental health here. Do you use apps specially for your mental health? What are your favorites? Let me know if you use great apps!  

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Life Lately

Arrgghh! The life lately was hard! I had a ton of anxiety since I’m back of my solo trip in Paris three weeks ago. Back of my trip, I was diagnosed with PTSD (I talked about here) and it was so hard lately. Even if place a name on my feelings helps me to understand better a few things. I have much more flashbacks, anxiety and I have some big sleeping troubles also. Besides, I’m excited and happy also because I have booked a big Disneyland Paris trip in September, I started to plan my day trip in the parks in June and I have found what solo trip I want to do in spring 2020, a cruise in the Mediterranean. The big cruise ships make me dream since a long time, I never did a cruise. I want to do new travel adventures in solo, I choose that this one could the big next. Cruise is a really new world for me and I think I could have to need many months to prepare myself, it’s for this reason that I have chosen for the spring next year and not before. I have nothing booked again but I’m looking on the itinerary and what cities I want to do. I would love to go in Italy and Greece, I have never been. I have a friend who will do a cruise in the Mediterranean next month, I waiting for all his advice and tips. That’s during the good moments or when I’m in some tough times I’m trying to think at all these exciting things but it’s not always easy. I’m really exhausted mentally and physically, I spend a really lot of times in my bed with my cozy blankets. A few days ago, I started to re-watching all episodes of Law and Order: SVU season 20, I wanted to do it before the episode final next week. The good side, when I’m watching SVU I have no flashbacks. Another activity who helps to reduce my flashbacks (except skiing and walking in Disneyland), it’s hand lettering. I particularly love to do on nights in my bed. I love to do laundry and folding clothes, the other day during an anxiety attack I took out of my drawers all clothes and I re-folding them. Crazy, I know! But I love folding. It’s worked, it calmed my anxiety. My cat had a new hanging bed for Christmas when my parents are working outside in the backyard and I’m in my room she cries all the time because she wants cuddles. One time, I took his hanging bed and place it in my room near my bed where I spend the most part of my time AND she climbs in it and can sleep hours inside without asking cuddles anymore, she is obsessed with. I love to have my cat near where I’m also. I can’t take my cat with me in my bed because I’m allergic! Right! Sweet time! We had a lot of national holiday days in France these last times. I try to go outside a little on the beautiful days but it’s hard because I’m exhausted. On Mays 1st, I took with my parents and sister a walk in the forest. Ok! Eating is hard lately, I started my fruit food challenge and the most time I eat pasta at each meal. But when I can, I try to transform in shaped Mickey food. It’s fun! I think I need a Mickey cookies cutter. Right! I think that wraps the life lately. If you have missed my post where I talk about my PTSD diagnosis and all the feelings about, check out here. xoxo  

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PTSD is the answer.

I have already depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, eating disorder, ocd. I just was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I was just back from my solo trip in Paris and I analyzed about my feelings and particularly about my different kind of anxiety and obsessional thoughts. Because since my solo trip, I understood a few things particularly about my obsessional thoughts and after a few hard work I understood that it’s not only some obsessional thoughts but some flashbacks about different bad memories of my past. Some memories of more than 10 years ago sometimes. I understand myself better since I saw that it’s some flashbacks and not simple obsessional thoughts because it destroys my daily life and it’s the biggest source of my daily anxiety. I have understood and placed a name on another feeling also that I did not understand and it was terrorized me sometimes of not know what is this feeling, why I have this feeling. It’s called dissociation! I feel often specially when I do something that I was not able to do before, “out of my body”. I feel like I look at me from outside my body and think it’s not possible it’s happening to me, it’s just a dream. I have heavily this feeling since I was on my first solo trip in April 2018. I thought that it was because it was a new big solo adventure and I’m doing that despite my social anxiety. I thought it was normal I felt that! On my second solo trip last year it’s happened again, and again on my recent solo trip in Paris it’s happened also. In real, I think it happens each time that I do a thing in solo little or big, my day trips at Disneyland Paris also. Months after months without understanding what was this weird feeling, I started to be anxious and worry about what I feel. I really asked me if it’s normal! On my bad days, I have in mind to stop to do solo things sometimes because despite that my solo trips are amazing, I love them, and improve so many sides of my life. This feeling started to worry more and more. Seriously, I feel better to understand and place a name on these feelings. I did not know what was PTSD before, I thought it was something for soldiers only. I know now that it’s after trauma. Anyway, C-PTSD is could to be more my case because my flashbacks are not about one event, but many events of my past. During an appointment, my psychiatrist asked me if during my childhood I was afraid of something of special. Yes! I did. I was afraid of the school and my family! And like she said for a child school and family are the only two things. I growing up in fear and anxiety. I feel better to understand better my feelings. But it’s not helping me to live more calmy in my daily life. Although, since I know better what I have, I feel again worst and my flashbacks are more powerful and I had some troubles for sleeping. I feel exhausted these last weeks. Physically and mentally, anyway I feel often mentally exhausted, I thought it was because of a depression low but it’s maybe rather because of my constant flashbacks. My psychiatrist talked to me about the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) therapy. I don’t know what it is really. I could not talk to my psychiatrist about on Monday because she canceled the appointment because she was sick. I’m in the blurry about. I would love to try because these daily flashbacks kill me. I try to fight my mental illness but daily with these flashbacks and worry dissociation feelings it’s killing me inside. My only times that I have almost any flashbacks it’s when I’m skiing, I’m at Disneyland and when I’m watching Law and Order: SVU. I feel lost at the moment! Right! Have you PTSD? If yes! Have you found helpful tips to reduce flashbacks? Have you tried EMDR therapy? Is it helpful? I would love to hear from your experience!  

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