Let’s Talk: Death Episode

How is my heart after to have watched a death episode in an of my favorite tv show!

Modern Family is my favorite tv show (with Law and Order: SVU). This past Wednesday was an exceptional episode where the death is talked. For the first time! A family member of the Dunphy-Delgado-Pritchett clan is death. Death in a comedy show! Yes, I think it’s important! When about one month ago I learned online that a main cast of the show could to die, it was anxious to know who it is. I thought that if it is a character of the main cast really, the tv show could to be weird. The wait was long! Until Wednesday! I’m relieved that it’s not really an actor of the main cast. De-de, Claire and Mitchel’s mom. I feel better! It was not my favorite people on Modern Family. In contrary, his character awakens my borderline personality disorders moods. It was often angry when I watched the episodes with her. Ok! But! What do I think? How I feel? after a death episode inside an of my favorite tv show. Bin! I surprise myself! That’s wake up some hidden anxiety that I can to have. Set aside all my suicide ideas where during much years I thoughts that death could be a solution. When I hear about death. The death is something of unknown to me. I never lost by death someone that I lovedAbout my family. I have never known a death. In first. I haven’t already a lot of family. But! An of my grandfather is dead before I born. My other biological grandfather, I never knew also. The mom of my mom was remarried to a guy who is dead in 2007 (I think) when I was about 8 years old. It is the only death that I knew in my family. But! This guy I did not love because he was violent and scared me! The other death happened in my family, it’s the uncle and aunt of my father where I was at the burial. I loved these two peoples but they lived at more 1000 miles away of my home so I did not see them much. But I loved them! When they are dead, I had unfortunately not the time to be sad because it was in the moment where I was in deep depression and I wanted to die. So, see someone die while I want to die myself, it’s complicated to be sad! I could not! And! I had the impression to this moment that they stealing my place to die! It’s sad. I know! It was in the deep of my depression!

I have almost 22 years old. So. In Modern Family, I identify myself often to the Dunphy kids. De-de was their grandmother. I have my two grandmothers again who lives not so away from my home but that I do not see a lot. Both are in a retirement home (not in the same). The mom of my dad has Alzheimer. It really hard! The last time, I saw her, it was not this year. In the beginning, I want to go see her in her retirement home. I was there, in the beginning, a few times. But now, I do not manage anymore. The last times, it was really hard to see her because she forgot all. She did not remember our names,… It was really hard! It’s really hard for me to think about that because I find that horrible for a people to finish his life like that. I find that so hard! Sad! In more this grandmother was my favorite people in my family, she was always so nice when I was a kid. She never really gives me gifts, money for my birthday or Christmas. But! She was always so nice with her words. So so nice! I love her so much! I feel me guilty do not go see her anymore because even if it’s hard for me with her Alzheimer disease. It’s maybe not really a reason do not to go see her. But even my dad does not go see her. I don’t know what to do! The relationships in my family are bad! It’s so sad!

I see my other grandmother more often (about once time by month) but I do not love her so much. She was always not nice. Thinking that a 10€ money for Christmas was enough. I know it’s better than nothing! But! She has enough money to give more! But she did not want to do it! When I saw the other grandmothers at school give so much more. It was sad! I was a kid and I did not understand!

When I see an episode in an of my favorite tv show (not really the drama tv shows) where a close member’s family die. I have many things at the same time in my mind. I start by thinking what it is really the death. And that gives me anxiety. But almost all! That’s help me to think that it’s important to enjoy with family peoples when they are again here same if you do not have the best relationship. After it’s too late! By experience, I know that it’s not easy. But I think that it’s really important to try.

I loved the Modern Family episode! The comedy and fun were always here in despite of the hard event. And I loved Claire’s Halloween costumes.

Thanks for reading!



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