December Around Here

A little post about December around here. It’s seriously a hard time! I’m in a mental breakdown.

I have managed pretty good the beginning of this second lockdown in France who started on the end of October but since three weeks, each day get worse and I fall inside a mental breakdown. I can’t sleep correctly every night since three weeks, or I fall asleep not before 5 am or when I fall asleep around 01h00 am, I wake up myself in the middle of the night. I’m mentally tired of not sleeping correctly. That I have some sleeping troubles like that it’s rare and it’s never happened that I wake up myself in the middle of night so many nights in the row and it’s continues. I’m mentally exhausted by literally everything.

It’s official since December 15, we are not anymore in lockdown but we are under a curfew during weeks. Everything are closed, cinema, restaurant, Disneyland Paris and the Council of state has confirmed that the ski lifts could stay closed during Christmas holiday and until at least January 7. They could maybe open after this date if the situation permits it. Well! Nothing is open!

I’m so tired mentally! If in November, I was in this Christmas spirit, at ten days from Christmas I’m not in it anymore. I’m watching Christmas movies but not manage to enjoy them anymore. I’m not in the mood to do anything Christmas or not Christmas. I tried to bake Christmas cookies but not really enjoyed to do them. I have chosen to reduce again more my time on social media. My biggest feeling currently is angry, on a lot of different things and I think that it’s this giant anger inside who get me troubles to sleep. But I have nothing to calm it. I have already tried multiple solutions, even to cut off what things bring me anger, but nothing helps me, every day this anger increase a little more and exhauste me mentally again more. I’m exhausted!

On an only positive note, on December 15, I have done my first real psychiatrist appointment in FaceTime. It was my first real psychiatrist appointment that I have done since the beginning of February. Well! And in FaceTime, I previously during the year made a few little talk at my psychiatrist by phone when I tried a new treatment but it was not some real appointments. And the last one was at the end of August. Right! That’s an accomplishment in relation to my social anxiety.

That wraps this little December related post! Thanks for stopping by!


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